07/01 A Family Divided, Part 6
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Posted by: nlsmom
Posted on: 2003-10-23 08:20:23
Did you listen to Katherine's description of this household? I'm so sad that Alex is determined to keep this baby. If it was a wonderful, loving household where the father and mother work together, it would be difficult. But these guys...
Posted by: nlsmom
Posted on: 2003-10-23 08:20:23
Did you listen to Katherine's description of this household? I'm so sad that Alex is determined to keep this baby. If it was a wonderful, loving household where the father and mother work together, it would be difficult. But these guys...
Re: put another child in this house
Posted by: mom2abc90
Posted on: 2003-10-23 09:01:13
I so totally agree that this is a far cry from a nurturing, loving household that needs to add a baby to the mix. I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through the pain of giving a baby up....BUT I also cannot imagine the thinking behind bringing a baby into such a dysfuncional household where the 13 year old is so unhappy that she is saying she would like to be adopted!!!
Posted by: mom2abc90
Posted on: 2003-10-23 09:01:13
I so totally agree that this is a far cry from a nurturing, loving household that needs to add a baby to the mix. I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through the pain of giving a baby up....BUT I also cannot imagine the thinking behind bringing a baby into such a dysfuncional household where the 13 year old is so unhappy that she is saying she would like to be adopted!!!
Katherine's getting attention.
Posted by: judith6142
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:03:13
I think Katherine being unhappy isn't just because of her family, but because she is only 13 and life isn't a bed of roses. Katherine wants attention, and she is getting it. She looked like she was pouting at the end of the show, because she didn't like the answer from Dr Phil. She is a needy child, who, IMO, is jealous of the new baby, and cruel to her sister in regards to the baby.
Posted by: judith6142
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:03:13
I think Katherine being unhappy isn't just because of her family, but because she is only 13 and life isn't a bed of roses. Katherine wants attention, and she is getting it. She looked like she was pouting at the end of the show, because she didn't like the answer from Dr Phil. She is a needy child, who, IMO, is jealous of the new baby, and cruel to her sister in regards to the baby.
I agree
Posted by: charalene7
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:06:53
She is jealous of the baby because she will no longer be the baby in that household.
Posted by: charalene7
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:06:53
She is jealous of the baby because she will no longer be the baby in that household.
I agree
Posted by: ashandjoce
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:48:24
Hello. How are you? Im pretty good my name is Ashley and im 15 years old I watch the dr.phil show and I have been watching all the episodes on the ALEXANDRA and her giving the baby up for adoption, I do agree with you about Katherine just being jelouse, how ever I do know wut she is going through- I was always the baby of the family when I went to my dads(actually I was the only child)and then when i was 11 my little brother was born, it was tough on me at first but as she will have to do i did and I lived with it... Know I love my little brother more then anything and Im sure she will love her niece/nephew as much as she possibly can. well those are my thoughts ttyl.
Posted by: ashandjoce
Posted on: 2003-10-23 16:48:24
Hello. How are you? Im pretty good my name is Ashley and im 15 years old I watch the dr.phil show and I have been watching all the episodes on the ALEXANDRA and her giving the baby up for adoption, I do agree with you about Katherine just being jelouse, how ever I do know wut she is going through- I was always the baby of the family when I went to my dads(actually I was the only child)and then when i was 11 my little brother was born, it was tough on me at first but as she will have to do i did and I lived with it... Know I love my little brother more then anything and Im sure she will love her niece/nephew as much as she possibly can. well those are my thoughts ttyl.
The family is working hard : )
Posted by: kmarie33
Posted on: 2003-10-23 17:33:30
Yes, Kathryn may have a hard time even if it were her mom who was having a baby. I have a friend who had a baby when her daughter was 13 and the 13 year old was jealous it is an adjustment. Not one that Kathryn has a choice in, she is a child still. And she is hurting too. Her parents are trying to be there for her more now too since starting this show. They do love their children.
I think the family is very brave and doing so much to pull it all together. No, they are not perfect, (what family is?). They are willing to put the work in to be a family, and that is what is important. They have the courage to face their issues on television even!! It show true commitment to keeping their family together and that there is much love and care for each other inside. And they are learning to be able to express their feelings so each family member does feel care and love for each other.
Posted by: kmarie33
Posted on: 2003-10-23 17:33:30
Yes, Kathryn may have a hard time even if it were her mom who was having a baby. I have a friend who had a baby when her daughter was 13 and the 13 year old was jealous it is an adjustment. Not one that Kathryn has a choice in, she is a child still. And she is hurting too. Her parents are trying to be there for her more now too since starting this show. They do love their children.
I think the family is very brave and doing so much to pull it all together. No, they are not perfect, (what family is?). They are willing to put the work in to be a family, and that is what is important. They have the courage to face their issues on television even!! It show true commitment to keeping their family together and that there is much love and care for each other inside. And they are learning to be able to express their feelings so each family member does feel care and love for each other.
The family is working hard
Posted by: ehernan
Posted on: 2003-10-25 02:02:14
But do you think they should bring a baby into the family. I agree that they are working hard and care enough about their family to get help but I think that the way things are at this point that the last thing they need is to bring another person into the picture. A baby should be brought into a loving environment. A baby is just going to bring more stress and tension between all family members. That's not fair to the baby or the rest of the family. I also have a feeling that Alexandra doesn't realize the HUGE responsiblity of being a mother.
Posted by: ehernan
Posted on: 2003-10-25 02:02:14
But do you think they should bring a baby into the family. I agree that they are working hard and care enough about their family to get help but I think that the way things are at this point that the last thing they need is to bring another person into the picture. A baby should be brought into a loving environment. A baby is just going to bring more stress and tension between all family members. That's not fair to the baby or the rest of the family. I also have a feeling that Alexandra doesn't realize the HUGE responsiblity of being a mother.
Give the Baby Up
Posted by: norggins
Posted on: 2003-10-25 11:30:26
I think that the birth mother should give the baby up. Her mother will have to do most of the work in caring for the new baby and take care of the rest of the family.
15 years old and is not the age to be a mother. I don't see how keeping the baby will help anyone in this family.
There are far worst things than having an open adoption. She would be able to see the child's progress over the years and the child would be able to have a loving family without so much of the baggage that this family has.
The smaller sister needs to have the life that she expected without the baggage of her of older sister. I don't beleive that keeping the baby is the answer.
Posted by: norggins
Posted on: 2003-10-25 11:30:26
I think that the birth mother should give the baby up. Her mother will have to do most of the work in caring for the new baby and take care of the rest of the family.
15 years old and is not the age to be a mother. I don't see how keeping the baby will help anyone in this family.
There are far worst things than having an open adoption. She would be able to see the child's progress over the years and the child would be able to have a loving family without so much of the baggage that this family has.
The smaller sister needs to have the life that she expected without the baggage of her of older sister. I don't beleive that keeping the baby is the answer.
Give the baby up
Posted by: 4laibs
Posted on: 2003-10-25 12:03:19
I think Alexandra should DEFINITELY give the baby up for adoption. A child should have the gift of having 2 loving parents, a mother & a father. Where is the birth father in all this anyway? There has NEVER been any discussion about him! Although this family is trying to sort out things, it is still quite disfunctional to add a baby to it.
Posted by: 4laibs
Posted on: 2003-10-25 12:03:19
I think Alexandra should DEFINITELY give the baby up for adoption. A child should have the gift of having 2 loving parents, a mother & a father. Where is the birth father in all this anyway? There has NEVER been any discussion about him! Although this family is trying to sort out things, it is still quite disfunctional to add a baby to it.
I agree
Posted by: grandmafri
Posted on: 2003-10-25 14:56:27
I agree that Alexandra should give the baby up for adoption. Its good that the family is finally addressing some very tough issues that have torn it apart, but that does not mean that they are ready to add a baby to the household. Alexandra has made it clear that she wants to still be able to "have fun and be a teen", which is FINE if she is just that- a teen- not a teen mother. She should think very hard about what the girls said to her in the "round table" and remember that she will have no money, she will be tired and will have to rely heavily on her already stressed out family members. Which brings me to the subject of Katherine. I can understand why she does not want this baby to become a member of the household... she figures SHE will be stuck babysitting or running errands. She is a 13 year old that is being put in a tough position. I too think that she is behaving like a spoiled child in some ways- but in other ways she is right on target. She is NOT the one who got pregnant and yet she feels as if she is being punished for it. This family needs to work on healing itself- the 4 members. I think the reason that the parents reacted the way they did was because their every movement is being watched by thousands of people and they probably did not want to fall apart on TV (or react in anger). I still want to know where the baby's father and his family fit in this mess. Next week's show should be interesting.
Posted by: grandmafri
Posted on: 2003-10-25 14:56:27
I agree that Alexandra should give the baby up for adoption. Its good that the family is finally addressing some very tough issues that have torn it apart, but that does not mean that they are ready to add a baby to the household. Alexandra has made it clear that she wants to still be able to "have fun and be a teen", which is FINE if she is just that- a teen- not a teen mother. She should think very hard about what the girls said to her in the "round table" and remember that she will have no money, she will be tired and will have to rely heavily on her already stressed out family members. Which brings me to the subject of Katherine. I can understand why she does not want this baby to become a member of the household... she figures SHE will be stuck babysitting or running errands. She is a 13 year old that is being put in a tough position. I too think that she is behaving like a spoiled child in some ways- but in other ways she is right on target. She is NOT the one who got pregnant and yet she feels as if she is being punished for it. This family needs to work on healing itself- the 4 members. I think the reason that the parents reacted the way they did was because their every movement is being watched by thousands of people and they probably did not want to fall apart on TV (or react in anger). I still want to know where the baby's father and his family fit in this mess. Next week's show should be interesting.
continuation
Posted by: grandmafri
Posted on: 2003-10-25 15:14:37
Another very important point seems to have been "left out" when Alex was interviewing prospective parents if she were to choose adoption. I don't recall any questions about the values that they would try to instill in their children- as well as issues of faith. That shows me that she is not mature enough to raise this baby on her own.
If she chooses to put the baby up for adoption she will probably need for the father of the baby to consent to give up his parental rights.. maybe that is what the letter from the paternal grandmother is about. I really want to hear that letter. I am sure that Dr. Phil has probably tried to contact that family too but maybe they feel that this should be a private issue. I am inclined to agree with that although I am sure that he is bringing up some very good points for other teens and families who are probably facing the same crisis.
Posted by: grandmafri
Posted on: 2003-10-25 15:14:37
Another very important point seems to have been "left out" when Alex was interviewing prospective parents if she were to choose adoption. I don't recall any questions about the values that they would try to instill in their children- as well as issues of faith. That shows me that she is not mature enough to raise this baby on her own.
If she chooses to put the baby up for adoption she will probably need for the father of the baby to consent to give up his parental rights.. maybe that is what the letter from the paternal grandmother is about. I really want to hear that letter. I am sure that Dr. Phil has probably tried to contact that family too but maybe they feel that this should be a private issue. I am inclined to agree with that although I am sure that he is bringing up some very good points for other teens and families who are probably facing the same crisis.
the adoption option
Posted by: acoull
Posted on: 2003-10-25 19:22:17
I may have missed a programme, but I did not see Alexandra talking to any adoptees as part of her decision to give her baby up for adoption. The term 'adoption triad' includes birth parents, adoptive parents as well as adoptees. All aspects of this should be considered in Alexandra's decision making process.
I am pro adoption of children in foster care but anti adoption in the case of new borns.
I was adopted at birth. My adoptive parents were kind, well-meaning people, but I longed to know my birth family and to know why I was given away.
I have been in contact with my birth for a few years now and now know her family forced her to give me away because her unwed pregnancy disgraced them. Her mother took her out only at night to walk a little and she was kept out of sight. My birth mother regretted agreeing to give me up.
In current times, unwed births are not seen to be shameful.
The baby's father and family must accept their share of the responsibility and do whatever it takes to help bring this baby up.
I have heard a saying, 'babies bring their own love.'
I hope the love Alexandra's baby brings will help this family heal.
acoull
Posted by: acoull
Posted on: 2003-10-25 19:22:17
I may have missed a programme, but I did not see Alexandra talking to any adoptees as part of her decision to give her baby up for adoption. The term 'adoption triad' includes birth parents, adoptive parents as well as adoptees. All aspects of this should be considered in Alexandra's decision making process.
I am pro adoption of children in foster care but anti adoption in the case of new borns.
I was adopted at birth. My adoptive parents were kind, well-meaning people, but I longed to know my birth family and to know why I was given away.
I have been in contact with my birth for a few years now and now know her family forced her to give me away because her unwed pregnancy disgraced them. Her mother took her out only at night to walk a little and she was kept out of sight. My birth mother regretted agreeing to give me up.
In current times, unwed births are not seen to be shameful.
The baby's father and family must accept their share of the responsibility and do whatever it takes to help bring this baby up.
I have heard a saying, 'babies bring their own love.'
I hope the love Alexandra's baby brings will help this family heal.
acoull
I too am adopted
Posted by: waterloo33
Posted on: 2003-10-25 20:32:29
I wanted to reply to you. I too am adopted, and trust me my life has been hard. I do not know the reasons why I was given up and maybe I will never know, but this girl is only 15. Her attitude is that even though she is keeping the baby it will not stop her from having a life. What would happen if she moved out and tried to raise the baby on her own? We are talking welfare, food stamps whatever. Now look at what the baby would have if he was adopted out. Two loving parents ready to give him anything and everything he needs. A proper home to grow up in. Two parents who can lean on each other. Alex can help pick out the family she wants her son to have. She can still have somewhat a relationship with him. She can still be a teenager. Yes her parents will probably be raising the child. Is that fair to them? They are having one hell of a time raising their own children. This whole thing can be argued back and forth forever. My question for you is, when every 15 year old girl is pregnant, you want them all to keep their baby? That is not smart my friend. There are hundreds of couples out their who cannot have a child of their own for one reason or another, who, all they want is to love a child.
Posted by: waterloo33
Posted on: 2003-10-25 20:32:29
I wanted to reply to you. I too am adopted, and trust me my life has been hard. I do not know the reasons why I was given up and maybe I will never know, but this girl is only 15. Her attitude is that even though she is keeping the baby it will not stop her from having a life. What would happen if she moved out and tried to raise the baby on her own? We are talking welfare, food stamps whatever. Now look at what the baby would have if he was adopted out. Two loving parents ready to give him anything and everything he needs. A proper home to grow up in. Two parents who can lean on each other. Alex can help pick out the family she wants her son to have. She can still have somewhat a relationship with him. She can still be a teenager. Yes her parents will probably be raising the child. Is that fair to them? They are having one hell of a time raising their own children. This whole thing can be argued back and forth forever. My question for you is, when every 15 year old girl is pregnant, you want them all to keep their baby? That is not smart my friend. There are hundreds of couples out their who cannot have a child of their own for one reason or another, who, all they want is to love a child.
adoption option
Posted by: acoull
Posted on: 2003-10-25 21:16:17
Every adoption situation is different and none of us can really compare our experiences, simply share them. But it's very common for many adoptees to long for their birth family.
As many other posters have said, adoptive families are human too. "Two Loving Parents" is never a guarantee. it is only the situation at the time of the adoption. Life happens to adoptive parents too. An extreme, but possible scenario, is that adoptive father dies after adopting. Thus leaving the child with only one parent. Does the adoptive mother put the baby up for adoption because she cannot deal with the situation on her own?
Posted by: acoull
Posted on: 2003-10-25 21:16:17
Every adoption situation is different and none of us can really compare our experiences, simply share them. But it's very common for many adoptees to long for their birth family.
As many other posters have said, adoptive families are human too. "Two Loving Parents" is never a guarantee. it is only the situation at the time of the adoption. Life happens to adoptive parents too. An extreme, but possible scenario, is that adoptive father dies after adopting. Thus leaving the child with only one parent. Does the adoptive mother put the baby up for adoption because she cannot deal with the situation on her own?
that is what us moms of adoption loss are saying
Posted by: firstmom3
Posted on: 2003-10-25 21:52:11
Thank You! Yes, life does happen to all families adopted or not. The poster giving all the standard propaganda for why Alex should lose her child is the lies that millions of us Moms were given. I wonder if the reason for closed adoption records is so more Moms of loss will not find out that what was told to them is a crock.Lies will at sometime will be exposed as they should be. Those that profit off the hearts of Mommys and their infants need to be exposed and to be stopped because it harms good women and children. I encourge Moms thinking of adoption to do a computer search of the lyrics to "smiling faces sometimes" by "The undisputed truth. I ask they think of this when they are speaking with an adoption counselor. Until sooner, go in truth and love,LindaW.Mom of a beautiful baby girl taken by adoption in 69 and returned home in love 2-22-97
Posted by: firstmom3
Posted on: 2003-10-25 21:52:11
Thank You! Yes, life does happen to all families adopted or not. The poster giving all the standard propaganda for why Alex should lose her child is the lies that millions of us Moms were given. I wonder if the reason for closed adoption records is so more Moms of loss will not find out that what was told to them is a crock.Lies will at sometime will be exposed as they should be. Those that profit off the hearts of Mommys and their infants need to be exposed and to be stopped because it harms good women and children. I encourge Moms thinking of adoption to do a computer search of the lyrics to "smiling faces sometimes" by "The undisputed truth. I ask they think of this when they are speaking with an adoption counselor. Until sooner, go in truth and love,LindaW.Mom of a beautiful baby girl taken by adoption in 69 and returned home in love 2-22-97
adoption option
Posted by: oldpueblo
Posted on: 2003-10-30 12:45:39
You mention that one adoptive parent could die or leave, so does the other put the child up for adoption because she, the mother, cannot deal with it. The mother would not be 15. There is a responsibility with every right and the right to have a child should be closely tied with the responsibility to have some chance of doing right by that child. What chance does a 15 year old have when she is a child herself. That is why we have the society we have today, rather broken down in many areas, wouldn't you say?
Posted by: oldpueblo
Posted on: 2003-10-30 12:45:39
You mention that one adoptive parent could die or leave, so does the other put the child up for adoption because she, the mother, cannot deal with it. The mother would not be 15. There is a responsibility with every right and the right to have a child should be closely tied with the responsibility to have some chance of doing right by that child. What chance does a 15 year old have when she is a child herself. That is why we have the society we have today, rather broken down in many areas, wouldn't you say?
adoption option
Posted by: tammy77
Posted on: 2003-10-31 01:19:56
I think from the start she was going to keep the baby and was not interested in any aternatives,or considerations all she had was a closed mind.. This family is not the family to be bring a baby into, I really feel this is a wasted life.. and it was a selfish thing to do ,that was all..
Posted by: tammy77
Posted on: 2003-10-31 01:19:56
I think from the start she was going to keep the baby and was not interested in any aternatives,or considerations all she had was a closed mind.. This family is not the family to be bring a baby into, I really feel this is a wasted life.. and it was a selfish thing to do ,that was all..
adoption option
Posted by: fittestmet
Posted on: 2003-10-31 10:17:53
Your are right on the mark, tammy77. Alex disregarded ALL of Dr.Phil's suggestions simply because she had made her decision long before delivery. Her lack of maturity, every step of the way, was evident in all of the shows,too. But, never moreso than yesterday's statement that she didn't want Nathan's dad to be a part of his life "right now". Legally she had NO sayso in this matter. Unless J.J is found to be "unfit", Alex is stuck with him for the rest of Nathan's life. Not surprising that the two "argue" all the time...that's what happens in teen romances. That's what happens when either, or both, lack maturity to resolve matters in a peaceful way. Life is about compromise, something the entire "family" seems to have never learned. Even with Dr.Phil's help they don't get it. Making "a wrong decision right" won't happen to anyone, anytime, unless they face reality. Understanding situations as they are, not as they wish them to be. Bad enough Alex's family cannot live peacefully together, now comes another family into the fray. How sad for Nathan.
Posted by: fittestmet
Posted on: 2003-10-31 10:17:53
Your are right on the mark, tammy77. Alex disregarded ALL of Dr.Phil's suggestions simply because she had made her decision long before delivery. Her lack of maturity, every step of the way, was evident in all of the shows,too. But, never moreso than yesterday's statement that she didn't want Nathan's dad to be a part of his life "right now". Legally she had NO sayso in this matter. Unless J.J is found to be "unfit", Alex is stuck with him for the rest of Nathan's life. Not surprising that the two "argue" all the time...that's what happens in teen romances. That's what happens when either, or both, lack maturity to resolve matters in a peaceful way. Life is about compromise, something the entire "family" seems to have never learned. Even with Dr.Phil's help they don't get it. Making "a wrong decision right" won't happen to anyone, anytime, unless they face reality. Understanding situations as they are, not as they wish them to be. Bad enough Alex's family cannot live peacefully together, now comes another family into the fray. How sad for Nathan.
Hello People...
Posted by: youngemom
Posted on: 2003-11-01 23:52:43
I find adoptiont be really cruel personally! Younge girls who go out and have sex and get pregnent, like myself, should keep the baby. They went out and did this to themselfs and now they should live with what they have done...Which is keep the baby! My son is now 5 months old and I could never have imagined to put him up for adoption. As a young mom now....just being 20 years old...I know my life has stopped to look after him. And what Alexandrea had said in the show a few weks ago by wanting to have a normal life after the baby was born...Your life will never be the same even if you do give it up.
Posted by: youngemom
Posted on: 2003-11-01 23:52:43
I find adoptiont be really cruel personally! Younge girls who go out and have sex and get pregnent, like myself, should keep the baby. They went out and did this to themselfs and now they should live with what they have done...Which is keep the baby! My son is now 5 months old and I could never have imagined to put him up for adoption. As a young mom now....just being 20 years old...I know my life has stopped to look after him. And what Alexandrea had said in the show a few weks ago by wanting to have a normal life after the baby was born...Your life will never be the same even if you do give it up.
what are you saying?
Posted by: telejax
Posted on: 2003-11-02 01:19:54
you say "They went out and did this to themselfs and now they should live with what they have done...Which is keep the baby!" it sounds like what you are saying is you are punishing yourself. and in that sentence all I hear is "you" alot doesnt sound like there was alot of talk about the babys feelings I am adopted and I know if my biological mom thought the same way it sounds like you are i wouldnt be here right now. But I do agree with saying even if you give up your baby you will never be the same.
Posted by: telejax
Posted on: 2003-11-02 01:19:54
you say "They went out and did this to themselfs and now they should live with what they have done...Which is keep the baby!" it sounds like what you are saying is you are punishing yourself. and in that sentence all I hear is "you" alot doesnt sound like there was alot of talk about the babys feelings I am adopted and I know if my biological mom thought the same way it sounds like you are i wouldnt be here right now. But I do agree with saying even if you give up your baby you will never be the same.
