07/08 A Family Divided, Delivery Day!

She already made her decision!!
Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-10-30 08:17:53

Why is this show being advertised as the day Alex makes her decision? She keeps saying she wants to keep her baby. Why isn't Dr. Phil listening to her?
Adoption IS AN Option
Posted by: jrh1234
Posted on: 2003-10-30 13:07:25

Congrats to Dr. Phil for making open adoption an option for respectable folks and eliminating the stigma that we had in the past. Alex's family isn't the best option for another child, and if Alex can give to her baby to one of those deserving couples and still have contact with her child - it seems like a win-win for them all.
Real nice
Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-10-30 13:30:22

Respectable? DESERVING? How incredibly Christian of you to classify people you've never met as either worthy or white trash. I always wonder why these same value judgements are not made about people who get divorced. Children are horribly traumatized there too. So are children left in daycare.
Real Nice - No Getting Real
Posted by: jrh1234
Posted on: 2003-10-30 13:38:23

You are probably too young to remember when mothers who gave their children up for adoption were felt to be from the other side of the tracks - not God fearing, working families. I was born to young mother many years ago that "had" to get married to a man that beat her and never really knew how to love his children. I wish my mother had loved me enough to let me go to a good home and that she would have felt the community respected her for her courage and didn't condemn her - and I am a Christian.
Adoption not the solution
Posted by: kellyee27
Posted on: 2003-10-30 13:52:56

Adoption is not a solution to spousal abuse, immaturity, or poverty. Alex is not being abused, and you have no proof that the baby will be abused in her care. Taking the baby away will not solve Alex's problems, and you have no guarantee that an adoptive family will be any better than this one. Age does not equal maturity, or Erin and Martin wouldn't be as immature as they are. Alex needs guidance and help in growing up, not some "respectable" family to come confiscate her baby. Its kidnapping when someone takes your baby because you were coerced or pressured into doing it.
Adoption May Be a Solution
Posted by: jrh1234
Posted on: 2003-10-30 15:22:43

The bottom line - do what is best for the child? Who would provide a better home and a more stable environment for Nathan? I think people who would prefer Nathan have a home with these grandparents at war and a child as a mother over a couple desperate for children don't have a Nathan's best interest at heart. Again I am glad Dr. Phil is getting adoption out of the closet.

Posted by: snowylmh
Posted on: 2003-10-30 16:04:37

I agree with you. My best friend gave birth at Alex's age and gave the baby up in open adoption. She knows that what she did was best for her child because she couldn't give her baby what this couple could at that time in her life. She was neither financially or emotionally ready.

People who just look at Alex's emotional aspect of it have their head in the clouds. She'd be seriously short changing herself and her child by not considering all of the options and the pros and cons that go with any choice she makes.

I'm 24 years old and I had my first child three months ago. He was not planned and even at this age, in a stable relationship with full support from family-- it was difficult. A LOT more difficult than I'd even anticipated and by all accounts-- I had a lot going for us. I can't imagine doing this at fifteen years old. I love my son more than anything, but it's hard. At fifteen, raising a child by myself (even mature for my age) would have been a disaster.

Good for her if she decides to keep her baby. Let's just hope she goes into it with her eyes wide open and realizes it's not her mom's responsibility to take care of her son and that it's not all fun and games.
I agree
Posted by: jenny456
Posted on: 2003-10-30 17:25:31

I agree with having a baby in your 20's isn't all fun and games or even easy. I am 22 and my son is 1 1/2. He was'nt planned either but through the rough times my husband and I learned to make it work without my parents. I don't think that Alex is getting the message. Oh yeah the baby is cute and you want to hold him all day long, but what about Alex and school and the rest of her future. I think she is beyond blind about this situation. For instance she doesn't want the father involved. I don't think that is up for her to decide. And if she goes about the situation that way that would only lead into joint custody and visitation rights. I know because my husband had to go through that process. His girlfriend at the time wanted to get pregnant at 16 and then told my husband that she did't want him around. After she gave birth she played her games with my husband Eric and their son Adrian which at that time Adrian didn't have Eric's last name. Well around the time Adrian was two and she had gotten pregnant again by someone else she demanded child support and back pay. Well Eric and his parents have to fight back and Eric won custody and now she pays child support. I wish people would realize having a baby is no laughing matter and Dr. Phil is not going to be there for everyone.
Amen to that!
Posted by: thorvet
Posted on: 2003-10-30 18:37:40

I fear that this show will only encourage teens to think that they are ready to parent a child because someone like Dr. Phil will rescue them and their family. It will be interesting to see what happens with this family when the romance of a new baby wears off and everyone tires of "helping" (aka "enabling") Alex to take care of this baby. Remember when someone asked who would take this baby to the doctor and she said, "Not me, I'll be in school!" I am so sad for this baby. You are right, having a baby is no laughing matter.
Teen Moms don't need to be punished
Posted by: firstmom3
Posted on: 2003-10-30 22:08:55

Are you suggesting that teen moms should have their babies taken from them to some how teach a lesson? i hope that isn't what you meant :(How heartless and cruel that would be!And what has the poor baby done to lose his mommy?Read "Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier( she is an adoptive Mother) and "Adoption healing" by Joe Soll( he is an adoptee) if you believe the baby doesn't suffer. Talk to the adult adoptees that I am in contact with and they will tell you they would have been better off with their mommies instead of being raised by strangers.First off the numbers of teens having babies is down. Second of all prisoners get paroled for worse crimes ,however, with adoption comes no parole. Go in truth and love, Linda W. Mom of adoption loss
speak for yourself
Posted by: monavano2
Posted on: 2003-10-31 07:56:04

I will speak for myself and add that I am adopted. I have never seen myself as a victim. I wasn't betrayed by my bio mom, rather she had the courage to carry me and give me to a couple who really, really wanted a child. It was a wonderful gift. I love my mother (yes, my adoptive mother) who always told me just how special I was. Don't know if I would have heard that from a 16 year old who wasn't ready to raise a child, and had to grow up herself. I am grateful to both my bio mom and real/ adopted mom.
speak for Yourself
Posted by: greenmt15
Posted on: 2003-11-02 06:38:11

Thanks for sharing that with us. Glad you are so happy. When my daughter was a young girl,there was a girl next door to us who had been adopted and my daughter had an argument with her and the girl told her she was picked out when she was born and my daughter had to take what she got.

Posted by: lweb8490
Posted on: 2003-11-05 12:23:06

Good for you monavano! I am a REAL mom (adoptive), and think it is great that you don't look at being adopted as something bad that happened to you! My little girl is 18 months old and I hope I am raising her to understand that adoption is a GOOD thing! (I know I am!).... I just hate when people say, 'what about her real mom' (meaning bio mom), like what am I her FAKE mom???? Thanks to Dr. Phil for helping people to see that adoption may not be right for EVERYONE... but it IS what is best for some.
Hello
Posted by: canadiana1
Posted on: 2003-11-06 18:42:35

I am a teen mother I gave birth at 16, and let you tell me my growing up process happened very fast and I am the best mother I can be to my little girl. I am happy and so is she, and I do not think a good decision would have been to have an abortion or give her up for adoption. I knew the consequence and I'm taking responsibility just like Alex is and my little one is without a "real" father also...but, that's ok because anyone can be a dad but, it takes a real man to be a father and that's what my little one has...anyways take care
untitled
Posted by: manda_lou
Posted on: 2004-07-10 00:11:13

I give you a lot of credit for being a young teen mother. I was pregnant at 17 and had my baby a month after I turned 18 and I gave my baby up. It was the hardest thing ever but I did what I had to do. Im just glad to know that there are young teens like you willing to raise your child. Good for you, like I said I give you a lot of credit. take care

Posted by: karen_cook
Posted on: 2003-10-31 09:28:37

Are you a teen mom by some chance? First of all, it is not cruel and heartless for a child of a teen mom to have an opportunity at a better life. No one is suggesting taking the baby away from a teen mom while she is kicking and screaming to keep him. And as for the people you know that are adopted and feel that they would have been better off with "their mommies", do they know who "their mommies" are? Their mommies obviously gave them up for a reason, most of the time it's because they were unable to take care of them. Adoptive parents are only strangers to the child for about 2 minutes. I also know alot of kids that have been adopted, my son is one of them. I am the only mom my son knows and I am blessed to have him. He has seen his "birth mom" on several occasions and he is extremely uncomfortable around her. Every situation is different and there are kids that are unfortunate not to have been placed with the best adoptive families. Alex is in a situation right now where the baby is cute and tiny and she can dress him up and show him off. This will only last until the newness wears off and then what does this 15 year old do? Unless her home life and her parents marriage change drastically this child will just be another statistic. This child needs to have a relationship with his father. Alex's comments about him make it obvious that she does not want that. She and the father may have THEIR problems but it should be kept separate from their parenting this child.
It's the mother's decision
Posted by: sbanta42
Posted on: 2003-10-31 18:48:55

Alex is going to be working very hard for the next few years, being a mother, student, possibly working as well. I'm glad she has support from her parents and pray that her sister will be able to accept and love this little boy too. Saying this is a family in crisis is putting it mildly!
My mother left me with my father at 14 months old and no one knows where she is or if she is even alive. My adoptive mother is my "real" Mom, but sometimes, even at my "advanced" age I wonder why my birth mother opted out of my life forever.
Its the fathers decision too
Posted by: obill9
Posted on: 2003-11-01 16:52:58

No matter what the fathers mistakes have been it it should be his decision too on whether the baby is put up for adoption or not, I am tired of all the mothers acting like the fathers should have no input in the decision, like they are just making a bank deposit, and then they are dismissed, and should have no interest in the child
The fathers input should have just as much weight as poor misguided alex
As others have said here, the taxpayers monet will be rasing this kid, not alex
Where is Dad?
Posted by: janmomham
Posted on: 2003-11-02 00:42:43

It is really interesting to me that you are all for the Dad having a say in this situation. Does he care or is everyone else putting words in his mouth? I would have agreed with you until I was involved in a situation in my own family where the father kept quiet and eventually signed his rights away. He didn't want any emotional support for the mother or his baby. He certainly did't want any financial support either. Both of them are so young and I had really hoped they would give the child up for adoption. So many couples would love to be able to have children and would have made a good home for Nathan. Dad can matter, but don't think this one wanted to be involved before delivery - nor after.
the father
Posted by: jshutt
Posted on: 2003-11-04 12:40:40

It would be great if the father wanted to be involved in the childs life but it doesn't seem like it or he would have been involved from the start the mother of J.J just doesn't want to see her soon trashed eventually interest will die down and they will never hear from the father again. Unfortanately the fact is most teen fathers abandon the mother and the child. A teen mother should not have to beg for the father's attention for her child. It's his job to actively involve himself in the childs life. The mother will base how available she lets her child be on the father if he shows no interest or very little what is she suppose to do follow him around for the next 18 years. Its not her job she has a life and child to raise.