07/22 A Family Divided: Six-Month Checkup
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Posted by: mmmdsm
Posted on: 2004-02-12 09:43:29
Did I hear correctly? Alex was having sex with another guy WHILE she was pregnant with ANOTHER guy's baby? I think there is more to her than just making a teenage mistake. I have another idea in mind. She just wants to have sex to feel loved and needed. I think she needs help, badly.
Posted by: mmmdsm
Posted on: 2004-02-12 09:43:29
Did I hear correctly? Alex was having sex with another guy WHILE she was pregnant with ANOTHER guy's baby? I think there is more to her than just making a teenage mistake. I have another idea in mind. She just wants to have sex to feel loved and needed. I think she needs help, badly.
Posted by: teenmom_x2
Posted on: 2004-02-12 12:01:01
That is what I have said all along. The vast majority of sexually acive teenage girls do not do it because they are horny, they do it because they have low self esteem and want to feel loved and accepted.
You are right
Posted by: swchick
Posted on: 2004-02-12 12:35:09
It's the acceptance, the affection, the comfort of being physically touched in an affectionate way, that is the primary motivating factor...
She needs it, and she can only count on this one fellow to give it, and folks are trying to get her to give up what the core of herself can not bear to be without.
The alternative, to her, is to be alone with no one to comfort her.
She can't understand that she is supposed to face that kind of loneliness, becaue of her previous mistakes and choices about sex and its consequences, having a baby, keeping the baby and the consequences of that.
She IS supposed to be lonely. I wish she understood that she is not going to, nor is she supposed to, have the teenage years - she gave up that option with her choice to keep Nathan.
Posted by: swchick
Posted on: 2004-02-12 12:35:09
It's the acceptance, the affection, the comfort of being physically touched in an affectionate way, that is the primary motivating factor...
She needs it, and she can only count on this one fellow to give it, and folks are trying to get her to give up what the core of herself can not bear to be without.
The alternative, to her, is to be alone with no one to comfort her.
She can't understand that she is supposed to face that kind of loneliness, becaue of her previous mistakes and choices about sex and its consequences, having a baby, keeping the baby and the consequences of that.
She IS supposed to be lonely. I wish she understood that she is not going to, nor is she supposed to, have the teenage years - she gave up that option with her choice to keep Nathan.
Posted by: teenmom_x2
Posted on: 2004-02-12 13:27:09
She isn't supposed to still have her teenage years, but that doesn't mean that she signed up for being lonely the rest of her life. She is entitled to have a bit of a social life just as any parent should be. If she is miserable and lonely she won't make for a good mother to Nathan. She needs time with friends, just not nearly as much as she would get if she were a childless teen.
Posted by: bailei
Posted on: 2004-02-12 14:33:48
She should be able to go out with friends once and awhile, but she seems to be abusing that right by hanging out with scum. Come on ALex and raise you standards. You and Nathan deserve it. If I can't hang out with decent people than I'd rather sit home.
concrete worker?
Posted by: 114cou
Posted on: 2004-02-12 16:12:26
I was never so insulted by the remarks made by Erin and Dr. Phil regarding the "concrete" worker. My husband does that for a living and we are as happy as one could imagine. He is my second husband and compared to the first marriage, (where my ex made 130,000 plus dollars per year) this is the best. Did you forget how you judge success, Dr. Phil? And how does Miss Erin get off being so darned uppity and hoity toit? She cannot even make her marriage work! (Maybe she should try a manual laborer). Does Alex have to go with doctors and lawyers for her to be happy? I understand the point they are trying to make, but I think they went about it hurting the feelings of a lot of "manual laborers". Shame on you. Marty was the only sensitive one this time around. Good for you, Marty.
Posted by: 114cou
Posted on: 2004-02-12 16:12:26
I was never so insulted by the remarks made by Erin and Dr. Phil regarding the "concrete" worker. My husband does that for a living and we are as happy as one could imagine. He is my second husband and compared to the first marriage, (where my ex made 130,000 plus dollars per year) this is the best. Did you forget how you judge success, Dr. Phil? And how does Miss Erin get off being so darned uppity and hoity toit? She cannot even make her marriage work! (Maybe she should try a manual laborer). Does Alex have to go with doctors and lawyers for her to be happy? I understand the point they are trying to make, but I think they went about it hurting the feelings of a lot of "manual laborers". Shame on you. Marty was the only sensitive one this time around. Good for you, Marty.
i agree
Posted by: reepslady
Posted on: 2004-02-12 16:30:00
I couldn't help trying to see some of Alex's side in this...I think I would feel differently if Dr. Phil had met the boy, but he is basing his opinion on what Erin is saying. Dropping out of school is not a great choice, but I see that this kid is working as a check mark for him. He's trying to show SOME responsibility even if he is not in school. I also feel that Katherine got a little too much pleasure from that "family meeting". I don't think she was as concerned for Alexandria as she was loving being her mother's ally against her. I didn't like her smug smile at all.
Posted by: reepslady
Posted on: 2004-02-12 16:30:00
I couldn't help trying to see some of Alex's side in this...I think I would feel differently if Dr. Phil had met the boy, but he is basing his opinion on what Erin is saying. Dropping out of school is not a great choice, but I see that this kid is working as a check mark for him. He's trying to show SOME responsibility even if he is not in school. I also feel that Katherine got a little too much pleasure from that "family meeting". I don't think she was as concerned for Alexandria as she was loving being her mother's ally against her. I didn't like her smug smile at all.
Butt Out Katherine
Posted by: bonbonblue
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:42:45
OH MY GOD!! I so agree with your comment about Katherine's smug smile at this family "Meeting"! I don't think a sibling should be giving "advice", she's still just a kid herself. If Erin & Marty don't want Alex to date this guy, who they obviously look down on, it's not Katherine's business. Or maybe I'm just being naive. My parents would never have let my brothers do as she did. She was so rude and sarcastic, like she had all the right answers. And it upsets me that only Alex wants to give the boy a chance to prove he might be okay. Pouring concrete is certainly better than NO job AT ALL!!!!! I was fuming after watching this episode today! This family really does have a problem, huh???
Posted by: bonbonblue
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:42:45
OH MY GOD!! I so agree with your comment about Katherine's smug smile at this family "Meeting"! I don't think a sibling should be giving "advice", she's still just a kid herself. If Erin & Marty don't want Alex to date this guy, who they obviously look down on, it's not Katherine's business. Or maybe I'm just being naive. My parents would never have let my brothers do as she did. She was so rude and sarcastic, like she had all the right answers. And it upsets me that only Alex wants to give the boy a chance to prove he might be okay. Pouring concrete is certainly better than NO job AT ALL!!!!! I was fuming after watching this episode today! This family really does have a problem, huh???
Posted by: kellij203
Posted on: 2004-07-22 21:28:05
I also was amazed when Katherine got away with the comment about the boy who "lays cement" said by her in total disgust. I waited for Erin to address her on this issue, only to find out that Erin had the same attitude. Perhaps we all should go for the "educated" men, you know the type, they go have affairs and keep themselves distanced from the family, avoid all the important family issues. Another comment that I found outrageous was Alex saying that Katherine is only in middle school, she doesn't know about the "real world"...as if Alex herself does. She knows nothing about the real world and her parents aren't helping that situation at all. She needs to be treated as the 15 year old child she is, she should not be treated any differently while living under their roof just because she has a child.
Posted by: tonycat
Posted on: 2004-02-12 16:45:24
There is nothing wrong in being a concrete worker. Maybe he is too good for her? Really when it comes down to it who would really want to be with a troubled teen mother, and messed up family to boot? If Alex thinks anyone is buying this crap coming out of her mouth get serious. Does she have any thoughts of her own? Is she a little Dr.Phil clone? Really 15 year old don't talk like she does, her age shows when she talks to her sister. When it comes down to it maybe this "concrete worker" is too good for her and definately too good for her messed up family. I am sure he could do much better because he couldn't do much worse
Posted by: lovenu2
Posted on: 2004-02-12 16:57:37
so you are saying that your family has never had ANY problems everything just worked out perfectly? I don't buy that crap!!! and every relationship you have had, you have never brought your own baggage into it? whatever! It takes a lot of guts to want to be involved with someone with a child. and it also takes a lot of guts for Alex wanting to trust a guy again when she was burned before!!!!
Dr. Phil Clone?
Posted by: bonbonblue
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:48:25
tonycat, your message is right on -- maybe this concrete worker guy is TOO good for her; he definitely doesn't need to get involved with this crazy, f---ed up family!
Posted by: bonbonblue
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:48:25
tonycat, your message is right on -- maybe this concrete worker guy is TOO good for her; he definitely doesn't need to get involved with this crazy, f---ed up family!
Posted by: papergirl2
Posted on: 2004-02-13 21:11:49
Couldn't agree more. My 15-year old daughter was right on the money when, after seeing the show said, "The only reason that guy wants to date Alex again is cause he knows she had sex with him before, and figures she'll do it again. It's got nothing to do with him being a "nice guy." If he were such a "nice guy" he'd offer to buy some diapers for Nathan!"
Success
Posted by: genetammie
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:41:26
You are right. A profession and money doesn't always make you happy. But to know that the guy doesn't have enough respect for himself and enough drive to get his high school diploma. I thing Erin and Dr. Phil were right. There is nothing wrong with manual laborers. My husband is one. but this guy that Alex is (dating) needs to go back to school. Marty is sensitive and is trying to get a handle on all of this. He is trying to get in touch with his family again. So is Erin. Give them both a break.
Posted by: genetammie
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:41:26
You are right. A profession and money doesn't always make you happy. But to know that the guy doesn't have enough respect for himself and enough drive to get his high school diploma. I thing Erin and Dr. Phil were right. There is nothing wrong with manual laborers. My husband is one. but this guy that Alex is (dating) needs to go back to school. Marty is sensitive and is trying to get a handle on all of this. He is trying to get in touch with his family again. So is Erin. Give them both a break.
Posted by: pamik1
Posted on: 2004-02-12 17:53:45
Nobody knows why this guy didn't finish school. Because of being stubborn, neither of my sons graduated from high school. They both regretted it later and got their GED and one will be receiving his Associates Degree in a couple of months. He chose to work rather than go to college and only went to school after his plant closed (he's 31). He was making more than I ever did and I have some college. The point I was making is that people shouldn't judge unless they know the circumstances. As I stated in my original message, I know everyone wants what is best for Alex. In today's world it isn't easy being a parent and I just hope that Erin and Marty realize that just because one problem goes away, more could be on the way.
Oh I can't believe this
Posted by: bug007
Posted on: 2004-02-12 18:34:34
Who says he doesn't have respect for himself? You dont know the circumstances which led to him dropping out. He obviously has some respect, cause he's chosing to work..and not at some local burger joint!
Posted by: bug007
Posted on: 2004-02-12 18:34:34
Who says he doesn't have respect for himself? You dont know the circumstances which led to him dropping out. He obviously has some respect, cause he's chosing to work..and not at some local burger joint!
Didn't anybody catch this?
Posted by: reepslady
Posted on: 2004-02-13 09:29:49
Thinking back to these boards, it has been said many many times that Erin is controllong. Did anyone not catch that it is not Alex DATING that she objects to, it's the guy? She wants to pick Alex's next boyfriend!! She wants her to date, but only who SHE wants her to!!! And Dr. Phil has not met or talked to him, is only going by what ERIN said. I would be more likely to see Dr. Phil as unbiased about this had he talked to the guy even ONCE.
Posted by: reepslady
Posted on: 2004-02-13 09:29:49
Thinking back to these boards, it has been said many many times that Erin is controllong. Did anyone not catch that it is not Alex DATING that she objects to, it's the guy? She wants to pick Alex's next boyfriend!! She wants her to date, but only who SHE wants her to!!! And Dr. Phil has not met or talked to him, is only going by what ERIN said. I would be more likely to see Dr. Phil as unbiased about this had he talked to the guy even ONCE.
Manual laborers
Posted by: wvmom21
Posted on: 2004-02-12 18:54:49
I was upset also with the attitude shown toward the young man who works in concrete. At least he is not sitting back expecting to collect welfare. He is trying to earn his way. I wonder if people like Dr. Phil and Marty and Erin ever stop to think where they might (not) be if it were not for those who do manual labor!!! A little honest work never hurt anyone.
Posted by: wvmom21
Posted on: 2004-02-12 18:54:49
I was upset also with the attitude shown toward the young man who works in concrete. At least he is not sitting back expecting to collect welfare. He is trying to earn his way. I wonder if people like Dr. Phil and Marty and Erin ever stop to think where they might (not) be if it were not for those who do manual labor!!! A little honest work never hurt anyone.
Not putting "concrete: down
Posted by: gwendamom
Posted on: 2004-02-12 19:41:10
I really think that Dr. Phil and Erin were Not putting down concrete or manual laborers. He was just trying to get across to Alex that this guy is a drop-out, etc. and doesn't have much if anything to offer Alex. What is this guy's motivation for wanting to date Alex now? If he's so great, where was he when Alex was big and pregnant? I believe she is quite spoiled and not mature at all. She chose to keep the baby, but now wants to date who she wants to when she wants to. That's NOT in the best interest of Nathan. It's just all too sad! I just hope Dr. Phil can help her understand what she's doing to herself and her baby by going with guys who don't have good intentions. Alex needs to forget about boyfriends, work on healing herself and socialize with girls!
Posted by: gwendamom
Posted on: 2004-02-12 19:41:10
I really think that Dr. Phil and Erin were Not putting down concrete or manual laborers. He was just trying to get across to Alex that this guy is a drop-out, etc. and doesn't have much if anything to offer Alex. What is this guy's motivation for wanting to date Alex now? If he's so great, where was he when Alex was big and pregnant? I believe she is quite spoiled and not mature at all. She chose to keep the baby, but now wants to date who she wants to when she wants to. That's NOT in the best interest of Nathan. It's just all too sad! I just hope Dr. Phil can help her understand what she's doing to herself and her baby by going with guys who don't have good intentions. Alex needs to forget about boyfriends, work on healing herself and socialize with girls!
Posted by: vitality84
Posted on: 2004-02-14 04:50:46
Hate to break it to you, but many parents want their chlidren to date men in the same socio-economic status. Many people marry according to rank in this regard.
I don't care about the boy's profession, but the fact that he does not take education seriously, and the fact that he had sex with a pregnant 14 year old girl (without protection) doesn't really say much. He may have not known she was pregnant--but he still had sex with a 14 year old girl without protection. As any girl knows, ex boyfriends come around when they are extremely lonely--very few really want a platonic, non-sexual relationship after they've been sexual with you before. Alex will most likely learn the hard way.
