07/02 My Gripe With Mom
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6Been there done that!!
Posted by: dawnn66
Posted on: 2004-04-07 09:11:07
Enjoyed a good laugh here. My mom tried to do the same thing with me when I first got married (worked for a while too). What I don't think Dr. Phil understands is that when you have an overbearing mom, it is very very hard to set up those boundaries, because you always want your parents approval on the inside and you don't want them to be upset. So you have to WORK ON YOURSELF! YOu have to build up your own self confidence that you are making the right decisions for yourself and able to tell her to like it or lump it. Oh I guarantee they will lump it for a LONG time. Mom has to get to know you as an adult to treat you like one....
Posted by: dawnn66
Posted on: 2004-04-07 09:11:07
Enjoyed a good laugh here. My mom tried to do the same thing with me when I first got married (worked for a while too). What I don't think Dr. Phil understands is that when you have an overbearing mom, it is very very hard to set up those boundaries, because you always want your parents approval on the inside and you don't want them to be upset. So you have to WORK ON YOURSELF! YOu have to build up your own self confidence that you are making the right decisions for yourself and able to tell her to like it or lump it. Oh I guarantee they will lump it for a LONG time. Mom has to get to know you as an adult to treat you like one....
I agree (but)
Posted by: smileylynn
Posted on: 2004-04-07 18:05:02
It depends on the boundaries you want to set. My daughter was always asking for help money free babysitting, ect. Then she wanted to make the rules on how she should and would pay us back wants she said that we always had rules and told her how to spend her money well does the bank have rules and want to know how you spend your money. Before you say anything this is the same daughter that we helped for 10 yrs She will say it was only 5 yrs that we help them when they both were taking drugs. She said once to me that she did not take our money to buy drugs so I said no but you take your money and then take our money and pay your bills and ect. now she does not did a free babysitter and as became a born again christern we are the worse parents in the world, so she moved to az with the mother -in-law and taking from her now this is straight from her mother-in-laws mouth. sad thing is she is useing her girls as ponds to get back at us, which is sad because we can't even call them on their b-days or xmas. so you see we all are not over bearing we just try to help our kids the best way we now how. and then they do something like this to you. Thanks for listen Lynnie
Posted by: smileylynn
Posted on: 2004-04-07 18:05:02
It depends on the boundaries you want to set. My daughter was always asking for help money free babysitting, ect. Then she wanted to make the rules on how she should and would pay us back wants she said that we always had rules and told her how to spend her money well does the bank have rules and want to know how you spend your money. Before you say anything this is the same daughter that we helped for 10 yrs She will say it was only 5 yrs that we help them when they both were taking drugs. She said once to me that she did not take our money to buy drugs so I said no but you take your money and then take our money and pay your bills and ect. now she does not did a free babysitter and as became a born again christern we are the worse parents in the world, so she moved to az with the mother -in-law and taking from her now this is straight from her mother-in-laws mouth. sad thing is she is useing her girls as ponds to get back at us, which is sad because we can't even call them on their b-days or xmas. so you see we all are not over bearing we just try to help our kids the best way we now how. and then they do something like this to you. Thanks for listen Lynnie
I AGREE
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-08 08:13:06
Good on you for your comment,there are mums out there who care and only wants the best for there kids,you never stop being a mum no matter how old they are.And no matter how much your kids hurt you,I bet your always there for them.
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-08 08:13:06
Good on you for your comment,there are mums out there who care and only wants the best for there kids,you never stop being a mum no matter how old they are.And no matter how much your kids hurt you,I bet your always there for them.
Parents who Can't Adjust to Adult Kids
Posted by: davidmke
Posted on: 2004-04-08 00:15:23
My wife's been there. Her parents have been overbearing and to a degree manipulative. She finally set up boundaries prior to our wedding (expectations that she had of their behavior toward us as well as my family); long story here. The outcome was her parents decided that they would not attend the wedding. She hasn't spoken to them since (a little over a year). I agree setting boundaries is a must, but sometimes even that does not work and the relationship is just not meant to work. When parents can't behave as adults what can you do? Any suggestions Dr. Phil?
Posted by: davidmke
Posted on: 2004-04-08 00:15:23
My wife's been there. Her parents have been overbearing and to a degree manipulative. She finally set up boundaries prior to our wedding (expectations that she had of their behavior toward us as well as my family); long story here. The outcome was her parents decided that they would not attend the wedding. She hasn't spoken to them since (a little over a year). I agree setting boundaries is a must, but sometimes even that does not work and the relationship is just not meant to work. When parents can't behave as adults what can you do? Any suggestions Dr. Phil?
Parents who quit talking to their adult children
Posted by: clapooh
Posted on: 2004-04-08 10:19:42
I am in a similar situation. I didn't set the boundaries (as Dr. Phil would say) until after I was married. And we had huge fights and arguments. To the point where one time I told my mom that there are times that I would like to say it is none of your business. And she actually said everything is my business with you except for your sex life with your husband. At that time I was 29 living 5 hours away from her with my husband, with good jobs and supporting ourselves. Needless to say we haven't seen each other in over 6 years. It is really hard, because I'm an only child. But she is able to write off people just like that and has done the same thing to two sisters of hers all over similar situations where she said they were chosing their husband's family over their own. She said the same about me. So what do I do. I would love to make up with her and say let's forget the past and start anew. But if I set up those boundaries, we will just be in the same situation. HELP!!!
Posted by: clapooh
Posted on: 2004-04-08 10:19:42
I am in a similar situation. I didn't set the boundaries (as Dr. Phil would say) until after I was married. And we had huge fights and arguments. To the point where one time I told my mom that there are times that I would like to say it is none of your business. And she actually said everything is my business with you except for your sex life with your husband. At that time I was 29 living 5 hours away from her with my husband, with good jobs and supporting ourselves. Needless to say we haven't seen each other in over 6 years. It is really hard, because I'm an only child. But she is able to write off people just like that and has done the same thing to two sisters of hers all over similar situations where she said they were chosing their husband's family over their own. She said the same about me. So what do I do. I would love to make up with her and say let's forget the past and start anew. But if I set up those boundaries, we will just be in the same situation. HELP!!!
Interesting Situation
Posted by: davidmke
Posted on: 2004-04-08 12:05:07
Clapooh - you may sub-consciously chose your husbands family over yours. When we visited my wife's family (Cousin's, aunts, etc.), they said an aunt of her's latched onto her husbands new family the way my wife has latched onto mine. To be honest Clapooh, there may be nothing you can do. You cannot choose your mom's reactions to things. If she is stick her nose in your business about EVERYTHING, and she won't back off, maybe you are better off without her.
My wife has said that she is better off without her parents. We both have grown as a couple in ways I never thought possible. If her parents were in our lives, they would guilt and such. You can always do what my wife has done. She keeps in touch with aunts & uncles above her mom. And those relatives know the parents are not normal or realistic.
Dave
Posted by: davidmke
Posted on: 2004-04-08 12:05:07
Clapooh - you may sub-consciously chose your husbands family over yours. When we visited my wife's family (Cousin's, aunts, etc.), they said an aunt of her's latched onto her husbands new family the way my wife has latched onto mine. To be honest Clapooh, there may be nothing you can do. You cannot choose your mom's reactions to things. If she is stick her nose in your business about EVERYTHING, and she won't back off, maybe you are better off without her.
My wife has said that she is better off without her parents. We both have grown as a couple in ways I never thought possible. If her parents were in our lives, they would guilt and such. You can always do what my wife has done. She keeps in touch with aunts & uncles above her mom. And those relatives know the parents are not normal or realistic.
Dave
COUNT IT ALL JOY
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2004-04-08 14:39:08
Claypough, we won't be in this world forever. There will always be turmoil and the Bible says in the last days, DIL will turn against MIL, Mother against daughter, etc. Love (true love) has no fear, so when we tell our parents, this is what we do in our house (setting boundaries), we shouldn't fear their anger. Feelings change quickly as Dr. Phil said on another show. They'll come around when and if they want to. If not, you are better off without them. We are only on loan to them from God and don't belong to them forever. I have had to drastically change my thinking with my relationship with my parents and son. Things are changing. It takes time. Good luck to you. I feel better about my boundaries (choices) and am in control of my life atlast and am happier person. It's worth it.
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2004-04-08 14:39:08
Claypough, we won't be in this world forever. There will always be turmoil and the Bible says in the last days, DIL will turn against MIL, Mother against daughter, etc. Love (true love) has no fear, so when we tell our parents, this is what we do in our house (setting boundaries), we shouldn't fear their anger. Feelings change quickly as Dr. Phil said on another show. They'll come around when and if they want to. If not, you are better off without them. We are only on loan to them from God and don't belong to them forever. I have had to drastically change my thinking with my relationship with my parents and son. Things are changing. It takes time. Good luck to you. I feel better about my boundaries (choices) and am in control of my life atlast and am happier person. It's worth it.
your mom sounds like mine
Posted by: anissa10
Posted on: 2004-04-15 13:26:06
I'm sorry to read of your predictament w/your mom. I always I thought I was the only one with this problem I would hear co-workers talk about their holidays w/their familys and I dont have that. My husb and I too have good jobs, own a nice home and support ourselves but my mother is constantly ridiculing us. She says some awful things to me and she also does not speak with her sister or her 2 sister in laws because she has verbally attacked them in the past. I tried to be what I thought she wanted for a while. I tried everything to keep the peace but its like she enjoys friction. If she isnt picking on me she is picking on someone else. I would love to have a normal relationship and have meals together and go shopping but I dont think it will ever be possible. Good luck to you.
Posted by: anissa10
Posted on: 2004-04-15 13:26:06
I'm sorry to read of your predictament w/your mom. I always I thought I was the only one with this problem I would hear co-workers talk about their holidays w/their familys and I dont have that. My husb and I too have good jobs, own a nice home and support ourselves but my mother is constantly ridiculing us. She says some awful things to me and she also does not speak with her sister or her 2 sister in laws because she has verbally attacked them in the past. I tried to be what I thought she wanted for a while. I tried everything to keep the peace but its like she enjoys friction. If she isnt picking on me she is picking on someone else. I would love to have a normal relationship and have meals together and go shopping but I dont think it will ever be possible. Good luck to you.
I Have the Opposite Situation
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2004-04-08 13:27:06
Good for you that your wife set boundaries before the wedding and has maintained them. Sorry your suffering? no communication. Before our son got married last year, as groom's parents, we planned paying the reception, our clothes,a gift. She planned it different for us but forgot to tell us. Our calls for wedding plan progress went unreturned and we were told not to attend. Still don't know what we did wrong? As Dr. Phil said in one of the relating topics, it may take awhile for them to adjust to things. We still send cards for b.d.s, Christmas but with no return, we're concentrating on ourselves now. They have their lives, we have ours. We still love him, don't know anything about her and will respect his choice he made. He chooses to be with her side for everything. I devoted myself to my boys, now it's my turn. For my wedding, my mom said she wouldn't butt in but dumb ole me, I didn't see how manipulative she was and just now after 20 yrs wed, I had enough. Didn't want to make mama unhappy-you know the saying.
Posted by: milmarz
Posted on: 2004-04-08 13:27:06
Good for you that your wife set boundaries before the wedding and has maintained them. Sorry your suffering? no communication. Before our son got married last year, as groom's parents, we planned paying the reception, our clothes,a gift. She planned it different for us but forgot to tell us. Our calls for wedding plan progress went unreturned and we were told not to attend. Still don't know what we did wrong? As Dr. Phil said in one of the relating topics, it may take awhile for them to adjust to things. We still send cards for b.d.s, Christmas but with no return, we're concentrating on ourselves now. They have their lives, we have ours. We still love him, don't know anything about her and will respect his choice he made. He chooses to be with her side for everything. I devoted myself to my boys, now it's my turn. For my wedding, my mom said she wouldn't butt in but dumb ole me, I didn't see how manipulative she was and just now after 20 yrs wed, I had enough. Didn't want to make mama unhappy-you know the saying.
we are the lucky ones
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-07 09:49:56
Yes,mothers can be over bearing sometimes but at the end of each day we are so lucky to have them in our lives.I use to whinge about my mum to my new friend,that was until,she told me her mum took her own life when she was only 6yrs old so at 32yrs now,she has grown up without having that warm mothers touch,to wipe away her tears or to really know what its like to have a mum there to harrass her,or to show they only care,as the saying goes,you dont appreciate what you have until it is gone.
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-07 09:49:56
Yes,mothers can be over bearing sometimes but at the end of each day we are so lucky to have them in our lives.I use to whinge about my mum to my new friend,that was until,she told me her mum took her own life when she was only 6yrs old so at 32yrs now,she has grown up without having that warm mothers touch,to wipe away her tears or to really know what its like to have a mum there to harrass her,or to show they only care,as the saying goes,you dont appreciate what you have until it is gone.
Not all are so lucky
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2004-04-07 23:17:26
Not all moms are the warm loving mother that wipes away tears and only hassles you because she loves you and wants the best for you.
Unfortunately, some mothers cause the tears and couldn't care less whether they get wiped away or not. Some mothers care far more about what's best for them rather than what's best for their children. Some mothers are completely unwilling/unable to see the mistakes they've made and so refuse to make any attempt to change.
Some children wish for a normal love/hate relationship with a normal soft place to fall/pain in the butt mother and are constantly disappointed by reality.
Posted by: sfeekes
Posted on: 2004-04-07 23:17:26
Not all moms are the warm loving mother that wipes away tears and only hassles you because she loves you and wants the best for you.
Unfortunately, some mothers cause the tears and couldn't care less whether they get wiped away or not. Some mothers care far more about what's best for them rather than what's best for their children. Some mothers are completely unwilling/unable to see the mistakes they've made and so refuse to make any attempt to change.
Some children wish for a normal love/hate relationship with a normal soft place to fall/pain in the butt mother and are constantly disappointed by reality.
difference of opinion
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-08 08:10:59
yes,that is your opinion and your entitled to it.It is fair to say that not all mums are there to give a damm,but to those whom have mothers that do care about them they still take them for granted so really it goes both ways doesn't it?
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-08 08:10:59
yes,that is your opinion and your entitled to it.It is fair to say that not all mums are there to give a damm,but to those whom have mothers that do care about them they still take them for granted so really it goes both ways doesn't it?
Lucky Ones...Maybe, Sometimes
Posted by: joyshow
Posted on: 2004-04-11 00:22:08
My mother can drive me up a wall. I scream and yell back at her just as she does me. When she is mad at someone she calls me and yells at me like it is me she is mad at. I know this is happening so I sit there and when she calms down I ask her if she feels better now that she got that off her chest. Most times she will laugh, sometimes she says to me she isn't done yet so hold still. I do the same to her. I need someone to vent to and she is the one. She and I have done this for years....but no matter what she is my mother and I love her. She and I have always used each other for a sounding board, for a friend, and for a confidant. We have cried and held each other so many times. When the going gets tough...mom is there. No matter what she is there...or at least mine is. We can not talk for weeks but I know and can feel her with me. She is getting older and I dread the day she is no longer with me. If she really gets to me, I just tell her I need a break. Most times she understands. I would not know what to do without MOM being there for me, just as I am for her. Guess you can say I am the lucky one....most times and loved always.
Posted by: joyshow
Posted on: 2004-04-11 00:22:08
My mother can drive me up a wall. I scream and yell back at her just as she does me. When she is mad at someone she calls me and yells at me like it is me she is mad at. I know this is happening so I sit there and when she calms down I ask her if she feels better now that she got that off her chest. Most times she will laugh, sometimes she says to me she isn't done yet so hold still. I do the same to her. I need someone to vent to and she is the one. She and I have done this for years....but no matter what she is my mother and I love her. She and I have always used each other for a sounding board, for a friend, and for a confidant. We have cried and held each other so many times. When the going gets tough...mom is there. No matter what she is there...or at least mine is. We can not talk for weeks but I know and can feel her with me. She is getting older and I dread the day she is no longer with me. If she really gets to me, I just tell her I need a break. Most times she understands. I would not know what to do without MOM being there for me, just as I am for her. Guess you can say I am the lucky one....most times and loved always.
thankyou joyshow
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-13 08:23:34
I'd like to say thankyou for your comment it was nice to see that someone else basically knew where i was comming from.The way you described your relationship with your mum was beautifully described and that is to how i feel about my mum,i just wish my friend could have what we have.
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-13 08:23:34
I'd like to say thankyou for your comment it was nice to see that someone else basically knew where i was comming from.The way you described your relationship with your mum was beautifully described and that is to how i feel about my mum,i just wish my friend could have what we have.
we are the lucky ones
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-07 09:53:23
Yes,mothers can be over bearing sometimes but at the end of each day we are so lucky to have them in our lives.I use to whinge about my mum to my new friend,that was until,she told me her mum took her own life when she was only 6yrs old so at 32yrs now,she has grown up without having that warm mothers touch,to wipe away her tears or to really know what its like to have a mum there to harrass her,or to show they only care,as the saying goes,you dont appreciate what you have until it is gone.
Posted by: yibble
Posted on: 2004-04-07 09:53:23
Yes,mothers can be over bearing sometimes but at the end of each day we are so lucky to have them in our lives.I use to whinge about my mum to my new friend,that was until,she told me her mum took her own life when she was only 6yrs old so at 32yrs now,she has grown up without having that warm mothers touch,to wipe away her tears or to really know what its like to have a mum there to harrass her,or to show they only care,as the saying goes,you dont appreciate what you have until it is gone.
Sick at heart
Posted by: abervalley
Posted on: 2004-04-07 12:29:20
Yes, dealing with Mom can be very trying. It is especially difficult to set boundaries, even in the kindest way, with a Mom who has always denied herself the right to have them. I'm 50 years old and my mother still cold shoulders me or tells me not to visit her any more if I don't please her in some way. After awhile one just gets tired of it all and one just has to go about one's own business. It is sad, but hopefully I can learn from this and give my own children the respect and rights that make relationships work!!
Posted by: abervalley
Posted on: 2004-04-07 12:29:20
Yes, dealing with Mom can be very trying. It is especially difficult to set boundaries, even in the kindest way, with a Mom who has always denied herself the right to have them. I'm 50 years old and my mother still cold shoulders me or tells me not to visit her any more if I don't please her in some way. After awhile one just gets tired of it all and one just has to go about one's own business. It is sad, but hopefully I can learn from this and give my own children the respect and rights that make relationships work!!
My mother has other priorities then her only daugh
Posted by: michelea00
Posted on: 2004-04-07 15:15:31
Now that I am in my 30's, actually started to feel like this in my 20's, I wish my mother was up my butt all the time. It would show she really does care. My mother always seemed to resent me since my teen years. At one point in my life I wanted to hang with friends my own age. I developed who I was, I think, and had good teenage times. But while doing all this my mother would depise me, smack me for foolish reasons and so forth.
See before my teen years I always was with mom. She actual made a comment to my 10 year old daughter the other day "your mom use to say that I was her best friend". Well, wasnt that normal so young to feel that way. She didnt want me to go out to be w/friends and date. When I did she tried to make me feel I was guilty. For some strange reason I even knew at that age it was wrong for her to feel this way. I did argue from time to time.
To make a very long story short, after all these years my mother is rarely there for me. When she calls she doesnt even ask about the kids. She doesnt make fusses over them. I cant even ask if she can watch my two kids without her sighing and saying "WHAT FOR!".
It stinks. so I admire the daughters that get bothered by mom by trying to give you advice. Somethimes I wonder if it was easier to say my mother is deceased instead of getting in the whole thing how other things are a priorty to her so this is why we see each a few times a year and then holidays. Events that are planned usually by me. We live only about two miles apart.
Posted by: michelea00
Posted on: 2004-04-07 15:15:31
Now that I am in my 30's, actually started to feel like this in my 20's, I wish my mother was up my butt all the time. It would show she really does care. My mother always seemed to resent me since my teen years. At one point in my life I wanted to hang with friends my own age. I developed who I was, I think, and had good teenage times. But while doing all this my mother would depise me, smack me for foolish reasons and so forth.
See before my teen years I always was with mom. She actual made a comment to my 10 year old daughter the other day "your mom use to say that I was her best friend". Well, wasnt that normal so young to feel that way. She didnt want me to go out to be w/friends and date. When I did she tried to make me feel I was guilty. For some strange reason I even knew at that age it was wrong for her to feel this way. I did argue from time to time.
To make a very long story short, after all these years my mother is rarely there for me. When she calls she doesnt even ask about the kids. She doesnt make fusses over them. I cant even ask if she can watch my two kids without her sighing and saying "WHAT FOR!".
It stinks. so I admire the daughters that get bothered by mom by trying to give you advice. Somethimes I wonder if it was easier to say my mother is deceased instead of getting in the whole thing how other things are a priorty to her so this is why we see each a few times a year and then holidays. Events that are planned usually by me. We live only about two miles apart.
glad to have my mom now
Posted by: dodadana
Posted on: 2004-04-07 15:39:14
After watching todays show i am so happy to have the mother i do.. some of these women have some very serious issues to deal with and the children are going to have tolet it go with them until they get there act together,as far as the first girl i would not take another dime from her for anything prove to her that you can do it like the adult that you are if you really want it to change and you live your life the way you say you do.. the kid with the late mom i believe that he is just going to have to learn to live with it and love her for who she is,the poor kid with the witch for a mom i would move far away and communicate through email.!!!!she has no respect for the human race ..so what if he got a little s***faced on hid 30th birthday..my god he is an adult do you think she would ask anyones permission if she wanted to pitch one anyway still good show as always keep up the good work
Posted by: dodadana
Posted on: 2004-04-07 15:39:14
After watching todays show i am so happy to have the mother i do.. some of these women have some very serious issues to deal with and the children are going to have tolet it go with them until they get there act together,as far as the first girl i would not take another dime from her for anything prove to her that you can do it like the adult that you are if you really want it to change and you live your life the way you say you do.. the kid with the late mom i believe that he is just going to have to learn to live with it and love her for who she is,the poor kid with the witch for a mom i would move far away and communicate through email.!!!!she has no respect for the human race ..so what if he got a little s***faced on hid 30th birthday..my god he is an adult do you think she would ask anyones permission if she wanted to pitch one anyway still good show as always keep up the good work
any suggestions?
Posted by: sammygirl3
Posted on: 2004-04-07 15:44:51
I'm 20 years old and according to the gov't my school and the population at large i'm an adult. To my parents i'm still a child who cannot make my own decisions and who "they are still responsible for"(their words). I feel that I have done everything to demonstrate how responsible i can be but that it will never be enough for them.(when i tried to ask them to let me decide when i can go out recently, my dad said that since i do not turn out the lights when i leave my room that i am there fore unable to make that decision for my self). My biggest problem is that i am affraid of them and cannot bring up important issues with out getting emotional. I am more affraid that if i defy them they will cut me off and kick me out (i am a full time student and am not sure i could afford to support myself with out their help). My boyfriend and I would eventually like to move in together but that brings up another sensitive subject since my mom is Catholic and I do not agree with organize religion. I feel i lack the confidence to really help them understand that I need to make these decisions. does anyone have any similar stories with controling parents and what did you do to overcome this?
Posted by: sammygirl3
Posted on: 2004-04-07 15:44:51
I'm 20 years old and according to the gov't my school and the population at large i'm an adult. To my parents i'm still a child who cannot make my own decisions and who "they are still responsible for"(their words). I feel that I have done everything to demonstrate how responsible i can be but that it will never be enough for them.(when i tried to ask them to let me decide when i can go out recently, my dad said that since i do not turn out the lights when i leave my room that i am there fore unable to make that decision for my self). My biggest problem is that i am affraid of them and cannot bring up important issues with out getting emotional. I am more affraid that if i defy them they will cut me off and kick me out (i am a full time student and am not sure i could afford to support myself with out their help). My boyfriend and I would eventually like to move in together but that brings up another sensitive subject since my mom is Catholic and I do not agree with organize religion. I feel i lack the confidence to really help them understand that I need to make these decisions. does anyone have any similar stories with controling parents and what did you do to overcome this?
thinking of you sammy
Posted by: gingersuz
Posted on: 2004-04-07 19:25:53
Hi SammyGirl, just signed up specifically to reply to your post. You are mixing a group of serious issues together. Save yourself years of grief! First, make a plan for yourself. That's for you alone, apart from parents, friends, boyfriend. Ask: what's most important to me? Getting a job and moving out? Completing studies? Establishing my adult life? The good news is you are attached to a school and there will be some kind of free referral counselling available to you. Everything from personal issues (such as not being able to talk with your parents about meaningful issues) to student housing to job opportunities to career planning. Use this service to your own benefit! And from life experience (47 years and counting) I promise you that the answer is not living with your boyfriend. Seriously, if you want to keep this guy in your life, don't jump from an unhappy home life into a live-in relationship. It's a guaranteed dead end. As for my relationship with my extremely controlling parent, I set up rules once I was out on my own. I would meet her on neutral ground -- a restaurant, for instance. Any disrespectful behaviour from her and I'd literally say, "well, let's try this another time." And I'd leave. During one six month period after she raged around my new home, I would only communicate with her by letter. To this day we have only minimal contact. I send you lots of online goodwill. If I could emphasize only one thing, Sammy, it's this: Once you have a handle on who you are (again apart from family, friends and boyfriend) life will stop 'happening to you.' Love yourself first and fill your life with positive people and things. Finally, organized religion aside, how about giving prayer a try? Ask for guidance and listen to your inner wisdom.
Posted by: gingersuz
Posted on: 2004-04-07 19:25:53
Hi SammyGirl, just signed up specifically to reply to your post. You are mixing a group of serious issues together. Save yourself years of grief! First, make a plan for yourself. That's for you alone, apart from parents, friends, boyfriend. Ask: what's most important to me? Getting a job and moving out? Completing studies? Establishing my adult life? The good news is you are attached to a school and there will be some kind of free referral counselling available to you. Everything from personal issues (such as not being able to talk with your parents about meaningful issues) to student housing to job opportunities to career planning. Use this service to your own benefit! And from life experience (47 years and counting) I promise you that the answer is not living with your boyfriend. Seriously, if you want to keep this guy in your life, don't jump from an unhappy home life into a live-in relationship. It's a guaranteed dead end. As for my relationship with my extremely controlling parent, I set up rules once I was out on my own. I would meet her on neutral ground -- a restaurant, for instance. Any disrespectful behaviour from her and I'd literally say, "well, let's try this another time." And I'd leave. During one six month period after she raged around my new home, I would only communicate with her by letter. To this day we have only minimal contact. I send you lots of online goodwill. If I could emphasize only one thing, Sammy, it's this: Once you have a handle on who you are (again apart from family, friends and boyfriend) life will stop 'happening to you.' Love yourself first and fill your life with positive people and things. Finally, organized religion aside, how about giving prayer a try? Ask for guidance and listen to your inner wisdom.
