07/29 A Family Divided
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Posted by: watchinu
Posted on: 2004-04-15 08:18:47
Ok Dr Phil I just saw the clip on The Today show (just an add) and said to myself "uhoh".
So there is dirty laundry to be aired and Marty is his 2 sided personality? Aren't we all a bit 2-sided?
This family has made me boil to a point of perhaps, no return.
I actually think that perhaps Marty is the way he is because of his wife and daughters and not the other way around. If the girls were so scared of him, how come both of them still ventured into promiscuous behavior? How many times is his wife going to sit there and cry (with an immediate smile to follow) and say "enough is enough"? Has anyone considered whether this man perhaps feels the same way? Has anyone considered that perhaps because of all this he ventured out and had that affair? Not that it was the right thing to do. Infidility is truly dispicable! His only problem is that he got caught. Maybe he wanted to so that it would wake that family up!
Weeks ago I decided that all this family really wants is exposure on tv and that they will ride their 15 minutes of fame to the longest one we have seen....regardless of dirty laundry aired.
You are dealing with people who really do NOT want to change their stupid behaviour and in the end will do just as they please.
Erin needs to get a life, the stage is not for her. The 2 girls need to get their butts kicked and he needs a backbone so that he can stand up on his feet and take charge like any man and father would.
Please Dr Phil...pleeeeeeeease...settle thi
Posted by: watchinu
Posted on: 2004-04-15 08:18:47
Ok Dr Phil I just saw the clip on The Today show (just an add) and said to myself "uhoh".
So there is dirty laundry to be aired and Marty is his 2 sided personality? Aren't we all a bit 2-sided?
This family has made me boil to a point of perhaps, no return.
I actually think that perhaps Marty is the way he is because of his wife and daughters and not the other way around. If the girls were so scared of him, how come both of them still ventured into promiscuous behavior? How many times is his wife going to sit there and cry (with an immediate smile to follow) and say "enough is enough"? Has anyone considered whether this man perhaps feels the same way? Has anyone considered that perhaps because of all this he ventured out and had that affair? Not that it was the right thing to do. Infidility is truly dispicable! His only problem is that he got caught. Maybe he wanted to so that it would wake that family up!
Weeks ago I decided that all this family really wants is exposure on tv and that they will ride their 15 minutes of fame to the longest one we have seen....regardless of dirty laundry aired.
You are dealing with people who really do NOT want to change their stupid behaviour and in the end will do just as they please.
Erin needs to get a life, the stage is not for her. The 2 girls need to get their butts kicked and he needs a backbone so that he can stand up on his feet and take charge like any man and father would.
Please Dr Phil...pleeeeeeeease...settle thi
ARE YOU MARTY?
Posted by: egco28
Posted on: 2004-04-15 08:38:32
How did you grow up, and how is your marriage? I can't believe you'd accuse the kids and Erin as being the cause of his behavior. I live with a "Marty," and neither myself or the children caused him to be abusive, etc. He has always been controlling, and abusive which has been proved in 3 failed marriages before me by his actions. He's about to add a 4th to his belt! I can't believe that you'd fault these people for wanting help to try to save what life they have. It's just like Dr. Phil will say later in the show, they chose to do it through his show because they feel safe in discussing "touchy" issues there, because they know Marty won't "lose it" on them and scream, etc. My husband is the same way. He projects out of the house to be a friendly bubbly person. When he hits our doorway it's "Mr. Hyde." Don't criticise something you have no personal insight into I guess is what I'm trying to say.
Posted by: egco28
Posted on: 2004-04-15 08:38:32
How did you grow up, and how is your marriage? I can't believe you'd accuse the kids and Erin as being the cause of his behavior. I live with a "Marty," and neither myself or the children caused him to be abusive, etc. He has always been controlling, and abusive which has been proved in 3 failed marriages before me by his actions. He's about to add a 4th to his belt! I can't believe that you'd fault these people for wanting help to try to save what life they have. It's just like Dr. Phil will say later in the show, they chose to do it through his show because they feel safe in discussing "touchy" issues there, because they know Marty won't "lose it" on them and scream, etc. My husband is the same way. He projects out of the house to be a friendly bubbly person. When he hits our doorway it's "Mr. Hyde." Don't criticise something you have no personal insight into I guess is what I'm trying to say.
Marty
Posted by: jimbo21
Posted on: 2004-04-15 08:59:42
It scares me that when his loving wife and children are sitting there in tears he sit there with no emotions. They are tring to get him help for one reason and that is LOVE. I think he is having a hard time accepting that they are doing this out of love and not just to come down on him hard. It also bothers me that his family is scared of him. I wonder if they are just scared of him ver bally or do they really think he might get physcial. I will pray for this family and leave it up to the Lord.
Posted by: jimbo21
Posted on: 2004-04-15 08:59:42
It scares me that when his loving wife and children are sitting there in tears he sit there with no emotions. They are tring to get him help for one reason and that is LOVE. I think he is having a hard time accepting that they are doing this out of love and not just to come down on him hard. It also bothers me that his family is scared of him. I wonder if they are just scared of him ver bally or do they really think he might get physcial. I will pray for this family and leave it up to the Lord.
What about Erin?
Posted by: mkmom2
Posted on: 2004-04-15 15:47:46
I totally agree that this father is a screwed up, but I think that this whole family is. That mother is sitting there like one of the kids tattling on her husband to Dr Phil. And I know that the father plays a big role in a daughters life, but so does the mother. If I walked into my daughters bedroom or her boyfriends bedroom and my daughter was under the covers, she'd be fast out of that bed and in big trouble. And yet the mother didn't do anything and then wonders why the girl got pregnant. I think these girls are spoiled brats who want their own way and when they don't get it they turn on the tears. They've learned well from their mother. They all deserve each other.
Posted by: mkmom2
Posted on: 2004-04-15 15:47:46
I totally agree that this father is a screwed up, but I think that this whole family is. That mother is sitting there like one of the kids tattling on her husband to Dr Phil. And I know that the father plays a big role in a daughters life, but so does the mother. If I walked into my daughters bedroom or her boyfriends bedroom and my daughter was under the covers, she'd be fast out of that bed and in big trouble. And yet the mother didn't do anything and then wonders why the girl got pregnant. I think these girls are spoiled brats who want their own way and when they don't get it they turn on the tears. They've learned well from their mother. They all deserve each other.
What about Erin?
Posted by: dodson123
Posted on: 2004-04-15 17:38:26
I believe the entire family has problems and none of them are being honest, especially Alex and Catherine. If they were so afraid of Marty and Erin has witnessed this behavior from Marty, why hasn't she informed Dr. Phil. I am sure if Dr. Phil felt that these "children" were in any danger he would intervene.
Posted by: dodson123
Posted on: 2004-04-15 17:38:26
I believe the entire family has problems and none of them are being honest, especially Alex and Catherine. If they were so afraid of Marty and Erin has witnessed this behavior from Marty, why hasn't she informed Dr. Phil. I am sure if Dr. Phil felt that these "children" were in any danger he would intervene.
Posted by: pollyanna2
Posted on: 2004-04-15 23:10:12
yes, the whole family does have problems - what family doesn't? It's not that the kids are in "danger" - they are terrified of him because they fear more verbal abuse, and they have good reason. And to me, at least, the verbal/emotional abuse can be much worse.
Posted by: nmclay
Posted on: 2004-04-16 10:18:19
I agree with you 100% on the emotional and verbal abuse. It is not right to let children suffer from that when it is much harder to repair the physical abuse.
Posted by: juststeph
Posted on: 2004-04-16 16:47:08
this is unrelated to your message, but your username caught my eye, and for a very particular reason. are you nmclay as in N. Mclay? if you would, please let me know.
Where's the Father?
Posted by: edd1gg
Posted on: 2004-04-18 19:44:05
I have taken a few days to respond to Marty and his analysis of his daughter's comments on last week's show. I see a man struggling to understand his role in the family. I also struggled many years ago with the same question. What it came down to was I didn't know how to love and show compassion to my wife and children. I thought providing food and shelter was my prime and , at that time, my only duty. It was when my children became teenagers that I realized I was failing them. I didn't have a close relationship with my faith, but I felt the need to read the Bible. I went back to church as a family. I enrolled in a study program of the role of a father in his son. It was there I realized how wrong my thinking was to hide my emotions by raising my voice to my children. From then on I apologized to may family, asked for their fogiveness, and started the long road to becoming the leader of my family. I gave my heart to Jesus and He humbled me. Dr. Phil, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes sometimes, but my relationship with my wife, son, and daughter has not faltered and now I'm 70 years old. My family is the most precious possesion. I only say this to let Marty know that it is not "unmanly" to to humble yourself,but it is the mark of a wise man who does. Marty is breaking my heart to see his stubborness in not submitting to his families needs.
Posted by: edd1gg
Posted on: 2004-04-18 19:44:05
I have taken a few days to respond to Marty and his analysis of his daughter's comments on last week's show. I see a man struggling to understand his role in the family. I also struggled many years ago with the same question. What it came down to was I didn't know how to love and show compassion to my wife and children. I thought providing food and shelter was my prime and , at that time, my only duty. It was when my children became teenagers that I realized I was failing them. I didn't have a close relationship with my faith, but I felt the need to read the Bible. I went back to church as a family. I enrolled in a study program of the role of a father in his son. It was there I realized how wrong my thinking was to hide my emotions by raising my voice to my children. From then on I apologized to may family, asked for their fogiveness, and started the long road to becoming the leader of my family. I gave my heart to Jesus and He humbled me. Dr. Phil, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes sometimes, but my relationship with my wife, son, and daughter has not faltered and now I'm 70 years old. My family is the most precious possesion. I only say this to let Marty know that it is not "unmanly" to to humble yourself,but it is the mark of a wise man who does. Marty is breaking my heart to see his stubborness in not submitting to his families needs.
Marty's Unresponsiveness
Posted by: antjudy
Posted on: 2004-04-22 08:34:12
I don't think it's so much that Marty is "stubborn" or "not submitting" or even "unloving" -- I think that Marty is incapable of meaningful, loving interaction with his family. I think his family of origin had to be Dysfunction Junction and that this man was woefully ill-equipped for family leadership. He *wants* to be a loving husband and father, but nothing in his life qualifies him for that. I fear for him - I really do - I think that his insecurities and inadequacies are held up before the world and his confidence has to be zip.
Posted by: antjudy
Posted on: 2004-04-22 08:34:12
I don't think it's so much that Marty is "stubborn" or "not submitting" or even "unloving" -- I think that Marty is incapable of meaningful, loving interaction with his family. I think his family of origin had to be Dysfunction Junction and that this man was woefully ill-equipped for family leadership. He *wants* to be a loving husband and father, but nothing in his life qualifies him for that. I fear for him - I really do - I think that his insecurities and inadequacies are held up before the world and his confidence has to be zip.
Compassion for Marty
Posted by: suzybear22
Posted on: 2004-04-22 18:17:23
I couldnt agree with you more Antjudy! Thank you for seeing what I see! There is more to Marty than what the general masses want to pass their negative judgement upon. I think he's portrayed a lot worse than he is and seems to be given the short stick quite often. As Dr Phil says: "Sometimes men just dont get it." I think this applies here more than ever.
Posted by: suzybear22
Posted on: 2004-04-22 18:17:23
I couldnt agree with you more Antjudy! Thank you for seeing what I see! There is more to Marty than what the general masses want to pass their negative judgement upon. I think he's portrayed a lot worse than he is and seems to be given the short stick quite often. As Dr Phil says: "Sometimes men just dont get it." I think this applies here more than ever.
marty doesn't need compassion
Posted by: simplifi
Posted on: 2004-04-26 15:58:11
Have you really been watching? Marty is such a player! I would of kicked him to the curb a long time ago. He is showing no regard for his wife or children. He just bullies them weekly. Dr. Phil is on to him though. Those women are terrified of him. I think they only stay because he has belittled them so much they have no confidence left to act on. I sort of believed him a week or so ago,but watching those girls look at their Dad and see that he has no compassion for them is awful. He feels he's being ganged up on. Come on he's a grown man with responsibilities. Suck it up and do the right thing. I get so tired of hearing the same thing out of his mouth every week. He does not want to make it work. He just hasn't dragged them through the mud enough.
Posted by: simplifi
Posted on: 2004-04-26 15:58:11
Have you really been watching? Marty is such a player! I would of kicked him to the curb a long time ago. He is showing no regard for his wife or children. He just bullies them weekly. Dr. Phil is on to him though. Those women are terrified of him. I think they only stay because he has belittled them so much they have no confidence left to act on. I sort of believed him a week or so ago,but watching those girls look at their Dad and see that he has no compassion for them is awful. He feels he's being ganged up on. Come on he's a grown man with responsibilities. Suck it up and do the right thing. I get so tired of hearing the same thing out of his mouth every week. He does not want to make it work. He just hasn't dragged them through the mud enough.
good thoughts
Posted by: yogajane
Posted on: 2004-04-26 16:41:06
Thanks for your thoughts simplifi. I agree that Erin should have given Marty the boot a long time ago. He's lucky to have stayed for so long. I vaguely remember seeing an episode where they were showing an interaction between Erin and Marty at home. Marty told Erin that he'd like to know how she could get along without him. Well, I feel that Erin is a strong and determined woman and could take care of herself and her daughters just fine. Many single mothers do it and I know because I'm one of them. I think the reason she's let him stick around is because he's really convinced her that she can't make it on her own. I hope she reads this and realizes that her family will be no worse off than it is now if she files for divorce.
Posted by: yogajane
Posted on: 2004-04-26 16:41:06
Thanks for your thoughts simplifi. I agree that Erin should have given Marty the boot a long time ago. He's lucky to have stayed for so long. I vaguely remember seeing an episode where they were showing an interaction between Erin and Marty at home. Marty told Erin that he'd like to know how she could get along without him. Well, I feel that Erin is a strong and determined woman and could take care of herself and her daughters just fine. Many single mothers do it and I know because I'm one of them. I think the reason she's let him stick around is because he's really convinced her that she can't make it on her own. I hope she reads this and realizes that her family will be no worse off than it is now if she files for divorce.
marty doesn't even feel compassion
Posted by: nanc_279
Posted on: 2004-05-02 19:46:51
Simplifi...All I can say is AMEN!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: nanc_279
Posted on: 2004-05-02 19:46:51
Simplifi...All I can say is AMEN!!!!!!!!!
Marty doesn't need compassion
Posted by: sharonespi
Posted on: 2004-07-29 20:15:24
Simplifi, you have stated the situation so well.Although this is my first time to post a message, I have watched this family from the beginning.It was my gut feeling from the beginning that Marty was deceitful and had been playing games.I knew it was only a matter of time before Marty would be confronted.I felt that it was thru his influence that Alex decided to keep the baby. I felt very sad about that decision. This responsibility will ultimately belong to Erin.Sadly, this is a time in Erin's life when she could have had more freedom and create an independent life for herself.It is going to be difficult for Erin to move on with her life with the responsibility of Alex's baby.Even with the baby situation, I feel that Erin should cut her losses and get herself and the girls out of that absuive situation.
Posted by: sharonespi
Posted on: 2004-07-29 20:15:24
Simplifi, you have stated the situation so well.Although this is my first time to post a message, I have watched this family from the beginning.It was my gut feeling from the beginning that Marty was deceitful and had been playing games.I knew it was only a matter of time before Marty would be confronted.I felt that it was thru his influence that Alex decided to keep the baby. I felt very sad about that decision. This responsibility will ultimately belong to Erin.Sadly, this is a time in Erin's life when she could have had more freedom and create an independent life for herself.It is going to be difficult for Erin to move on with her life with the responsibility of Alex's baby.Even with the baby situation, I feel that Erin should cut her losses and get herself and the girls out of that absuive situation.
Compassion for Marty
Posted by: mehaase
Posted on: 2004-05-04 07:04:28
I think that since Marty was constantly criticized he has built a huge wall around him and he feels he needs to attack his family to protect himself from what he perceives as just an attack on him by his family. He feels that his daughters and wife are continuing the criticism and he cannot break through that wall to truly hear and feel the love that they have for him. He seems to have no clue on how to truly show love and truly share of himself.
Posted by: mehaase
Posted on: 2004-05-04 07:04:28
I think that since Marty was constantly criticized he has built a huge wall around him and he feels he needs to attack his family to protect himself from what he perceives as just an attack on him by his family. He feels that his daughters and wife are continuing the criticism and he cannot break through that wall to truly hear and feel the love that they have for him. He seems to have no clue on how to truly show love and truly share of himself.
Posted by: rtrickey
Posted on: 2004-07-30 12:08:35
I have watched this family for about 6 weeks?, and I agree...Marty's unresponsiveness is scary! I don't see how he cannot be moved by seeing/hearing his daughters cry.
The thing is, my dh reminds me of Marty, but I KNOW he wouldn't be able to maintain his composure (if that is what you want to call it) in such a highly emotionally charged situation. I agree that the "girls" (mostly his wife) are manipulitive, but come on!! How can Marty just sit there with a stone face, anger oozing out of him?
Family Problems
Posted by: iwanabphat
Posted on: 2004-04-27 09:40:47
I know I don't know you but your story is so similar to mine. I live in a house where there is no communication. First of all I have a seventeen year old daughter who is out of control, a fifteen year old son who seems to be following in her footsteps. However, there is a step parent in this story. My sons father is there in our lives and his relationship with my daughter is next to nothing and it hurts her and me. He feels that if he gives in that he is stooping to her level, but I told him she is still a child. I go to church but he has stopped going with us and if he would see things like I see them maybe he would talk with her. I feel that he needs to leave since he doesn't want to have a relationship with her because she is a part of the family. I know God will provide for me if he leaves, but I don't know what else to do. I was hoping that he would come back to church. He needs to get saved and receive Christ in his life and humble himself. Can you respond I just need to talk to someone who has been through what I am going through.
Posted by: iwanabphat
Posted on: 2004-04-27 09:40:47
I know I don't know you but your story is so similar to mine. I live in a house where there is no communication. First of all I have a seventeen year old daughter who is out of control, a fifteen year old son who seems to be following in her footsteps. However, there is a step parent in this story. My sons father is there in our lives and his relationship with my daughter is next to nothing and it hurts her and me. He feels that if he gives in that he is stooping to her level, but I told him she is still a child. I go to church but he has stopped going with us and if he would see things like I see them maybe he would talk with her. I feel that he needs to leave since he doesn't want to have a relationship with her because she is a part of the family. I know God will provide for me if he leaves, but I don't know what else to do. I was hoping that he would come back to church. He needs to get saved and receive Christ in his life and humble himself. Can you respond I just need to talk to someone who has been through what I am going through.
THANK YOU
Posted by: mnmsmommy
Posted on: 2004-07-29 15:55:53
Thank you for opening my eyes. As a young christian, i was starting to focus on the bitterness and being so interested in reading all the different discussions and feeding on all the badgering. Maybe if many of us start praying for Marty, he will look to Christ and realize it's not too late. He simply needs adjusting.
Posted by: mnmsmommy
Posted on: 2004-07-29 15:55:53
Thank you for opening my eyes. As a young christian, i was starting to focus on the bitterness and being so interested in reading all the different discussions and feeding on all the badgering. Maybe if many of us start praying for Marty, he will look to Christ and realize it's not too late. He simply needs adjusting.
