07/21 Relationship Rescue Retreat
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Posted by: guardsman
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:28:57
The fact that these couples are attending the Relationship Rescue Retreat shows that they realize they need counseling for their marriages. In order to be helped however; they must be totally honest with each other, and with Dr. Phil. He can't help them if they don't tell the truth. If they really want their marriages to work they must lay all their cards on the table, and be open and honest. Each individual member of the marriage needs to take full responsibility for themselves and their actions. Forgiveness also has to play a part because if you are not willing to forgive you are only hurting yourself. I hope all these couples can remain married with the help of Dr. Phil,but I realize if they are not willing to help themselves and be open and honest their marriages can't be saved. I also think each couple needs to realize children learn from example and they should never argue in front of them. They need to ask themselves what's more important being right or being together. Dr. Phil, I hope these couples listen to your advice, and take it to heart. I wish all of them good luck.
Posted by: guardsman
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:28:57
The fact that these couples are attending the Relationship Rescue Retreat shows that they realize they need counseling for their marriages. In order to be helped however; they must be totally honest with each other, and with Dr. Phil. He can't help them if they don't tell the truth. If they really want their marriages to work they must lay all their cards on the table, and be open and honest. Each individual member of the marriage needs to take full responsibility for themselves and their actions. Forgiveness also has to play a part because if you are not willing to forgive you are only hurting yourself. I hope all these couples can remain married with the help of Dr. Phil,but I realize if they are not willing to help themselves and be open and honest their marriages can't be saved. I also think each couple needs to realize children learn from example and they should never argue in front of them. They need to ask themselves what's more important being right or being together. Dr. Phil, I hope these couples listen to your advice, and take it to heart. I wish all of them good luck.
What are they t hinking??
Posted by: petchkc
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:39:25
After reading each couples bio, I couldn't help but think, "What are they thinking"?? The things they are doing in front of their kids? Kids they love? I sure do hope Dr. Phil can help them, honesty and being upfront will be paramount to their success if they make it. I would't be surprised if Dr. Phil eliminates half the group the first day! From the previews it looks to be quite an intense workshop. (posed to slap each other) I know exactly where I'll be at 3:00 today!!
Good luck Dr. Phil!
Posted by: petchkc
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:39:25
After reading each couples bio, I couldn't help but think, "What are they thinking"?? The things they are doing in front of their kids? Kids they love? I sure do hope Dr. Phil can help them, honesty and being upfront will be paramount to their success if they make it. I would't be surprised if Dr. Phil eliminates half the group the first day! From the previews it looks to be quite an intense workshop. (posed to slap each other) I know exactly where I'll be at 3:00 today!!
Good luck Dr. Phil!
petchkc...What They Are Thinking
Posted by: donnybaby
Posted on: 2004-05-03 17:16:03
They're all just thinking what immature people can think. Exactly like the wounded children that they all are. Just notice how childish they are. But to blame or fault them is the wrong tunnel. However, there is "responsibility" to deal with.
Make no mistake...each couple came together matching each other's insecurities. And two insecure people marrying is lethal for any relationship! Their individual insecurity's will play themselves out.
What's missing? They all lack spoken and agreed upon commitments to THEMSELVES FIRST let alone to each other. And without commitments, (i.e., honor, integrity, self-respect,etc.) communication must collapse. Notice the difficulty they have in openness and speaking straight.
Love and respect each other? It won't happen until they each (first as individuals) learn to love and respect themselves before they can love and respect each other. Like Dr Phil ongoingly says, "You can't give what you don't have." On the other side of the coin, however, they are giving each other what they have...anger, blame and grief!
Good luck to all the participants. Peace and love, Donny
Posted by: donnybaby
Posted on: 2004-05-03 17:16:03
They're all just thinking what immature people can think. Exactly like the wounded children that they all are. Just notice how childish they are. But to blame or fault them is the wrong tunnel. However, there is "responsibility" to deal with.
Make no mistake...each couple came together matching each other's insecurities. And two insecure people marrying is lethal for any relationship! Their individual insecurity's will play themselves out.
What's missing? They all lack spoken and agreed upon commitments to THEMSELVES FIRST let alone to each other. And without commitments, (i.e., honor, integrity, self-respect,etc.) communication must collapse. Notice the difficulty they have in openness and speaking straight.
Love and respect each other? It won't happen until they each (first as individuals) learn to love and respect themselves before they can love and respect each other. Like Dr Phil ongoingly says, "You can't give what you don't have." On the other side of the coin, however, they are giving each other what they have...anger, blame and grief!
Good luck to all the participants. Peace and love, Donny
honesty is the best policy
Posted by: jeditom
Posted on: 2004-05-04 16:23:01
Yeah, I'd say these couples would have to be totally honest as well. I posted a message earlier that said that Phil says in every show's intro "If you're gonna talk to me you're gonna have to be honest." Now, more than ever, is the most critical time that that is enforced.
Posted by: jeditom
Posted on: 2004-05-04 16:23:01
Yeah, I'd say these couples would have to be totally honest as well. I posted a message earlier that said that Phil says in every show's intro "If you're gonna talk to me you're gonna have to be honest." Now, more than ever, is the most critical time that that is enforced.
Posted by: cview46
Posted on: 2005-02-03 19:34:02
my husband had an affair i love him so much i forgave him he cant forgive himself he says he feels dirty and that he wants to continue with a divorce how do i tell him i love him and i dont want this divorce to happen he says i dont deserve this and i can do better than him no we have been married almost 22yrs i love him deeply and want our marriage saved please help me
cant wait
Posted by: pagirl1980
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:39:28
I can't wait intil 3:00 pm to watch this. it's gonna be a goodie!
Posted by: pagirl1980
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:39:28
I can't wait intil 3:00 pm to watch this. it's gonna be a goodie!
It's not supposed to be that hard!
Posted by: vwfanatic
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:50:23
Holy cow..just read the couple "bio's". Sad Sad Sad. These couples claim to love eachother..but I think that is a load of you know what... YOu don't treat people you love like that. Were these people never taught to respect others? Your spouse and children should be the people you treat the BEST! I'm not saying you'll never disagree with your spouse..that's normal..but to let a disagreement dissovle into screaming, name calling and abuse? In front of your children?????? These people obviously just don't know how to be good human beings..much less spouses and parents.
Posted by: vwfanatic
Posted on: 2004-05-03 10:50:23
Holy cow..just read the couple "bio's". Sad Sad Sad. These couples claim to love eachother..but I think that is a load of you know what... YOu don't treat people you love like that. Were these people never taught to respect others? Your spouse and children should be the people you treat the BEST! I'm not saying you'll never disagree with your spouse..that's normal..but to let a disagreement dissovle into screaming, name calling and abuse? In front of your children?????? These people obviously just don't know how to be good human beings..much less spouses and parents.
In the presence of children?
Posted by: meggsie1
Posted on: 2004-05-03 19:02:18
Children learn by what they see and hear.
Parents who physically and/or verbally abuse one another are only setting up their children for the exact behavior they themselves are so adamantly against in each other. Parents need to re-think their priorities; their fights can wait, but how many times will it take before the children pick up these horrific habits? Not many, I'd assume. It's sad, and my heart goes out to the innocent victims here, the kids.
In addition, I've never heard of "saving a miserable marriage for the sake of the kids" being a viable option.
Posted by: meggsie1
Posted on: 2004-05-03 19:02:18
Children learn by what they see and hear.
Parents who physically and/or verbally abuse one another are only setting up their children for the exact behavior they themselves are so adamantly against in each other. Parents need to re-think their priorities; their fights can wait, but how many times will it take before the children pick up these horrific habits? Not many, I'd assume. It's sad, and my heart goes out to the innocent victims here, the kids.
In addition, I've never heard of "saving a miserable marriage for the sake of the kids" being a viable option.
I just have to say this...
Posted by: kimbyd
Posted on: 2004-05-04 08:44:38
wvfanatic, you are so right--you don't treat people you love like that, and your spouse and children should be the people you treat the BEST. I was just so incredibly blessed to marry a man who obviously adored me, and who was/is the love of my life. I was 32 years old when we got married, and he was the first and only person that I had ever loved enough to marry. April 28, 1988 was our wedding day. April 26, 2001, two days before our 12th wedding anniversary, my husband passed away after a year-long battle with cancer. I would give ANYTHING to have him back. I miss him every moment of every day. My only consolation was that he knew how much he was loved, and that he would be loved and honored forever. The day he died was the day that I realized "til death do us part" isn't necessarily true because I have never felt as if his death parted us. Then I see these people doing these things to each other??? People, please...again, you don't treat people you love like that.
Posted by: kimbyd
Posted on: 2004-05-04 08:44:38
wvfanatic, you are so right--you don't treat people you love like that, and your spouse and children should be the people you treat the BEST. I was just so incredibly blessed to marry a man who obviously adored me, and who was/is the love of my life. I was 32 years old when we got married, and he was the first and only person that I had ever loved enough to marry. April 28, 1988 was our wedding day. April 26, 2001, two days before our 12th wedding anniversary, my husband passed away after a year-long battle with cancer. I would give ANYTHING to have him back. I miss him every moment of every day. My only consolation was that he knew how much he was loved, and that he would be loved and honored forever. The day he died was the day that I realized "til death do us part" isn't necessarily true because I have never felt as if his death parted us. Then I see these people doing these things to each other??? People, please...again, you don't treat people you love like that.
Relationship Rescue Retreat
Posted by: km12447
Posted on: 2004-05-03 11:12:57
I am excited to see the show today (taking a late lunch hour just so I can watch!) I also went to high school with one of the women who will be on the show. But I was wondering if I should be on the show myself...although I am not married, I have a domestic partner who is also the father of my 2 children (ages 3&2). We separated while I was pregnant with the second child and got back together last August. We haven't been together a year and already we're talking about going our separate ways again. The children love their daddy very much and I'm afraid this is going to have an impact on them since they are more aware now that they are getting bigger. When they were babies, they didn't know any better but now they know when mommy or daddy is upset and I've just come to a point where I'm torn on what I should do. Do I stay so the children are not affected or do the kids and I leave to make mommy happy? I guess we have to tune in to see what happens with these couples...everyone has their problems!
Torn in VA
Posted by: km12447
Posted on: 2004-05-03 11:12:57
I am excited to see the show today (taking a late lunch hour just so I can watch!) I also went to high school with one of the women who will be on the show. But I was wondering if I should be on the show myself...although I am not married, I have a domestic partner who is also the father of my 2 children (ages 3&2). We separated while I was pregnant with the second child and got back together last August. We haven't been together a year and already we're talking about going our separate ways again. The children love their daddy very much and I'm afraid this is going to have an impact on them since they are more aware now that they are getting bigger. When they were babies, they didn't know any better but now they know when mommy or daddy is upset and I've just come to a point where I'm torn on what I should do. Do I stay so the children are not affected or do the kids and I leave to make mommy happy? I guess we have to tune in to see what happens with these couples...everyone has their problems!
Torn in VA
to km12447
Posted by: lbiette
Posted on: 2004-05-03 17:24:43
I've been where you are twice now. Being married or not doesn't change the equation much. The first time I stayed, thinking I was doing the best for my kids. I finally left when they were 16 and 12 because I couldn't deal with anything any longer. My older son is now 22 and is in a court ordered Batterer's Intervention Program because he hit his ex-fiance. This was his second time in front of the judge for this. He also hit his former girlfriend. Staying sometimes does more damage than leaving. My middle son is 18 now and has such anger problems that I am concerned that he will wind up doing the same thing his older brother did.
I am now seperated from my second husband and we have a 23 month old boy. This time I felt that being apart and working on our own problems first would be better than having our son see and hear us fight. I bought the book.. Relationship Rescue and have been working the "program" that Dr Phil outlines with my counselor. He's working on his issues his own and with his own counselor. When the time is right, we'll start working on our issues together but we've decided that will be awhile from now. We've decided not to discuss our issues until we get ourselves to a point where this can be done calmly.
My husband comes by and picks up our son and actually spends more quality time with him now than he did when we were living together.
Each day that your children see and hear you fight is teaching them the wrong way to relate to other human beings. It needs to stop one way or another before they start applying what they've learned!
Take it from one mother is so sorry that she made the wrong decision for all the right reasons!
Posted by: lbiette
Posted on: 2004-05-03 17:24:43
I've been where you are twice now. Being married or not doesn't change the equation much. The first time I stayed, thinking I was doing the best for my kids. I finally left when they were 16 and 12 because I couldn't deal with anything any longer. My older son is now 22 and is in a court ordered Batterer's Intervention Program because he hit his ex-fiance. This was his second time in front of the judge for this. He also hit his former girlfriend. Staying sometimes does more damage than leaving. My middle son is 18 now and has such anger problems that I am concerned that he will wind up doing the same thing his older brother did.
I am now seperated from my second husband and we have a 23 month old boy. This time I felt that being apart and working on our own problems first would be better than having our son see and hear us fight. I bought the book.. Relationship Rescue and have been working the "program" that Dr Phil outlines with my counselor. He's working on his issues his own and with his own counselor. When the time is right, we'll start working on our issues together but we've decided that will be awhile from now. We've decided not to discuss our issues until we get ourselves to a point where this can be done calmly.
My husband comes by and picks up our son and actually spends more quality time with him now than he did when we were living together.
Each day that your children see and hear you fight is teaching them the wrong way to relate to other human beings. It needs to stop one way or another before they start applying what they've learned!
Take it from one mother is so sorry that she made the wrong decision for all the right reasons!
To lbiette
Posted by: km12447
Posted on: 2004-05-04 10:22:35
Thank you for your comments. I know marriage would not change anything, believe me, it may be a blessing that we aren't married. It's just a piece of paper...at least that's the way people treat it these days. It's so easy to get a divorce and I think that's part of the problem. Look at these people who have arranged marriages in other countries...they don't complain much and I've known a few couples who've had arranged marriages and they're as happy as can be! They don't even know what divorce means!
Anyways, good luck to you, I think if the BOTH of you are working at it, it will work. If only one person wants it then the other doesn't, then we all know that it won't work.
In my situation,which is nothing like that of these couples, is my boyfriend likes to drink, play golf, hockey, do everything with his buddies..."bachelor type" and spend little to no time with what should be important to him...his family. He likes to say I have a beautiful girlfriend and show off his 2 daughters who are just adorable. It's like he has 2 sides...I guess I have a decision to make because I am NOT happy and if I stay it will only be for the girls sake which is probably not right like you said. It's just not fair because they can come and go as they please and we're the ones who are left with all the responsibility of the day in, day out lives of our children.
Although, he never laid a finger on me, he's said some lasting words that I'll never forget and what some people would describe as verbal abuse, things you just don't say to someone you love or the mother of your children.
Thanks for your advice and listening. It always helps to talk to those who have been through similar situations.
Posted by: km12447
Posted on: 2004-05-04 10:22:35
Thank you for your comments. I know marriage would not change anything, believe me, it may be a blessing that we aren't married. It's just a piece of paper...at least that's the way people treat it these days. It's so easy to get a divorce and I think that's part of the problem. Look at these people who have arranged marriages in other countries...they don't complain much and I've known a few couples who've had arranged marriages and they're as happy as can be! They don't even know what divorce means!
Anyways, good luck to you, I think if the BOTH of you are working at it, it will work. If only one person wants it then the other doesn't, then we all know that it won't work.
In my situation,which is nothing like that of these couples, is my boyfriend likes to drink, play golf, hockey, do everything with his buddies..."bachelor type" and spend little to no time with what should be important to him...his family. He likes to say I have a beautiful girlfriend and show off his 2 daughters who are just adorable. It's like he has 2 sides...I guess I have a decision to make because I am NOT happy and if I stay it will only be for the girls sake which is probably not right like you said. It's just not fair because they can come and go as they please and we're the ones who are left with all the responsibility of the day in, day out lives of our children.
Although, he never laid a finger on me, he's said some lasting words that I'll never forget and what some people would describe as verbal abuse, things you just don't say to someone you love or the mother of your children.
Thanks for your advice and listening. It always helps to talk to those who have been through similar situations.
km12447
Posted by: golfer1964
Posted on: 2004-05-04 15:31:44
If you are a unhappy mom the kids will pick up on that so therefore for the sake of your children my opinion is for you to get out of the relationship,perhaps there is another person out there that can and will make you feel worthy because your children won`t be happy if you aren`t.
Posted by: golfer1964
Posted on: 2004-05-04 15:31:44
If you are a unhappy mom the kids will pick up on that so therefore for the sake of your children my opinion is for you to get out of the relationship,perhaps there is another person out there that can and will make you feel worthy because your children won`t be happy if you aren`t.
Whats the matter with this picture?
Posted by: mainlyme
Posted on: 2004-05-03 11:40:00
I was always taught that 50/50 doesn't make a successful relationship it's a formula for failure. When do these couples apply 100% of themselves to the relationship? Can you imagine only puting in a 50% effort at your job? or your kids putting in 50% at school? It means you aren't trying hard enough. maybe these couples can save their marraiges but, it will take a lot more than a 50% effort from both sides. cause if you do the math then there is 100% missing somewhere.
Posted by: mainlyme
Posted on: 2004-05-03 11:40:00
I was always taught that 50/50 doesn't make a successful relationship it's a formula for failure. When do these couples apply 100% of themselves to the relationship? Can you imagine only puting in a 50% effort at your job? or your kids putting in 50% at school? It means you aren't trying hard enough. maybe these couples can save their marraiges but, it will take a lot more than a 50% effort from both sides. cause if you do the math then there is 100% missing somewhere.
Face the pain and Change
Posted by: yolieem
Posted on: 2004-05-03 12:40:06
I have read the bios, I hope these couples realize the opportunity that is in front of them. To have someone willing to help them get back on track I feel is a blessing. My husband and I have been together since 1970 as high school sweethearts. We have 5 children and 12 grandchilderen. We have worked out many problems along the way.I wish we could of had someone like Dr. Phil to help at the begining of our marriage. It could of stopped problems before they started.I hope all the couples find the courage to face the pains and learn to make better choices. I see the mistakes I've made early on. Dr. Phil can make a differance if you let him.
Posted by: yolieem
Posted on: 2004-05-03 12:40:06
I have read the bios, I hope these couples realize the opportunity that is in front of them. To have someone willing to help them get back on track I feel is a blessing. My husband and I have been together since 1970 as high school sweethearts. We have 5 children and 12 grandchilderen. We have worked out many problems along the way.I wish we could of had someone like Dr. Phil to help at the begining of our marriage. It could of stopped problems before they started.I hope all the couples find the courage to face the pains and learn to make better choices. I see the mistakes I've made early on. Dr. Phil can make a differance if you let him.
It can be done!
Posted by: dordim41
Posted on: 2004-05-03 18:54:05
My husband and I dated when I was in high school, married when I was 17 in 1959. We have 4 children and 11 grandchilderen. We too were committed to our marriage and worked out the problems as they came along. I think it takes giving 100 % on both parts even if it means 60-40 sometimes. Having said that, I have been watching Dr.Phil for years and have had many lightbulb moments - thanks to him! It would have made the road a lot easier if we had him to guide us 45 years ago. I agree with Robin. They are being given a great opportunity and they shouldn't waste one minute of it.
Posted by: dordim41
Posted on: 2004-05-03 18:54:05
My husband and I dated when I was in high school, married when I was 17 in 1959. We have 4 children and 11 grandchilderen. We too were committed to our marriage and worked out the problems as they came along. I think it takes giving 100 % on both parts even if it means 60-40 sometimes. Having said that, I have been watching Dr.Phil for years and have had many lightbulb moments - thanks to him! It would have made the road a lot easier if we had him to guide us 45 years ago. I agree with Robin. They are being given a great opportunity and they shouldn't waste one minute of it.
YIKES
Posted by: shrimpety
Posted on: 2004-05-03 12:40:25
we just moved and have yet to get sattelite or cable set up! i'm going through withdrawls from dr. phil. please tell me what happens on the show! i know i will see it in reruns.
i wish i had seen this show coming up for my girlfriend who keeps saying she needs dr. phil.
Posted by: shrimpety
Posted on: 2004-05-03 12:40:25
we just moved and have yet to get sattelite or cable set up! i'm going through withdrawls from dr. phil. please tell me what happens on the show! i know i will see it in reruns.
i wish i had seen this show coming up for my girlfriend who keeps saying she needs dr. phil.
SHRIMPETY..
Posted by: jmostyle
Posted on: 2004-05-03 13:31:05
Oh poor you!!.. I hate when I miss a good Dr.phil episode too..
I hope you were able to watch last's week's episodes... those were real REAL goodies!
As for today, well a quick summary..
Remember when Dr.Phil was on Oprah (before his own show).. remember how he did a Retreat for those people..??
Well it's along those same lines... back to his old "tough love" Dr.Phil we all know and love..
He introduced all 6 couples and forced each and everyone to tell the truth of why their marriage is where it is today...
Most of them weren't real with themselves and put the blame on their spouses, but he got them to admit responsibility too... and actually a couple of them were totally shocked...
The 2 couples that kinda stood out from the crowd were Donna/Vinnie and Jennifer/Eric..
He nailed Donna and Jennifer for their responsibility ... since both girls kinda went to this retreat with the mind-set of "fix my husband pls."
He made them understand that they both need fixing...
Hope this helps.. i could go on forever, but I don't want to bore you...
happy unpacking!!
Posted by: jmostyle
Posted on: 2004-05-03 13:31:05
Oh poor you!!.. I hate when I miss a good Dr.phil episode too..
I hope you were able to watch last's week's episodes... those were real REAL goodies!
As for today, well a quick summary..
Remember when Dr.Phil was on Oprah (before his own show).. remember how he did a Retreat for those people..??
Well it's along those same lines... back to his old "tough love" Dr.Phil we all know and love..
He introduced all 6 couples and forced each and everyone to tell the truth of why their marriage is where it is today...
Most of them weren't real with themselves and put the blame on their spouses, but he got them to admit responsibility too... and actually a couple of them were totally shocked...
The 2 couples that kinda stood out from the crowd were Donna/Vinnie and Jennifer/Eric..
He nailed Donna and Jennifer for their responsibility ... since both girls kinda went to this retreat with the mind-set of "fix my husband pls."
He made them understand that they both need fixing...
Hope this helps.. i could go on forever, but I don't want to bore you...
happy unpacking!!
about the show....
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2004-05-03 21:55:36
this won't be just one show....but a series of shows to take us thru these relationships...their story and what will become of things.
Perhaps your girlfriend could catch it(tape or DVD it for you) tomorrow and in the upcoming episodes.
The request for couples was posted here on the web site for a good long time.
Posted by: capri03
Posted on: 2004-05-03 21:55:36
this won't be just one show....but a series of shows to take us thru these relationships...their story and what will become of things.
Perhaps your girlfriend could catch it(tape or DVD it for you) tomorrow and in the upcoming episodes.
The request for couples was posted here on the web site for a good long time.
what took so long?
Posted by: kgrace00
Posted on: 2004-05-03 13:29:48
Perhaps it's because i'm young and still have a naive view of marriage, but i don't understand how some of these couples have let things get so bad. some of these couples have had problems from the beginning and have let them escalate to such terrible and hurtful relationships. what took them so long to look for help or to realize that they are in serious trouble?
Posted by: kgrace00
Posted on: 2004-05-03 13:29:48
Perhaps it's because i'm young and still have a naive view of marriage, but i don't understand how some of these couples have let things get so bad. some of these couples have had problems from the beginning and have let them escalate to such terrible and hurtful relationships. what took them so long to look for help or to realize that they are in serious trouble?
