03/25 A Family Divided: Alex and Birth Control
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Posted by: mlinsley
Posted on: 2004-03-25 08:18:12
After watching today's show, a few things popped into my mind. If Alex's parents put her on birth control pills, Alex will have "no need" to use a condom to not get pregnant. However, there are STDs out there. I was surprised that this topic was not discussed. Another thought that came into my mind was how Alex's parents are trying to stop her from having sex. I have heard on so many shows that "once the switch is turned on, it is harder to stop". It is impossible to be with her 24 hours of every day. They are going to have to trust her to some extent (especially since she is getting her license soon). I think that the best that they can do is be there for her and make sure that she is educated enough to protect herself. Also, birth control pills are not always 100% effective, so she should be schooled in using a condom anyway. Just a thought. Maybe a first step to Alex and Anthony potentially dating is that they have to only have supervised meetings at first. This will allow Marty and Erin to scope out the situation and see where it is going. How about a double date (Marty & Erin and Alex & Anthony). Now, that would give them all a chance to talk and to see if Anthony is really that interested.
Posted by: mlinsley
Posted on: 2004-03-25 08:18:12
After watching today's show, a few things popped into my mind. If Alex's parents put her on birth control pills, Alex will have "no need" to use a condom to not get pregnant. However, there are STDs out there. I was surprised that this topic was not discussed. Another thought that came into my mind was how Alex's parents are trying to stop her from having sex. I have heard on so many shows that "once the switch is turned on, it is harder to stop". It is impossible to be with her 24 hours of every day. They are going to have to trust her to some extent (especially since she is getting her license soon). I think that the best that they can do is be there for her and make sure that she is educated enough to protect herself. Also, birth control pills are not always 100% effective, so she should be schooled in using a condom anyway. Just a thought. Maybe a first step to Alex and Anthony potentially dating is that they have to only have supervised meetings at first. This will allow Marty and Erin to scope out the situation and see where it is going. How about a double date (Marty & Erin and Alex & Anthony). Now, that would give them all a chance to talk and to see if Anthony is really that interested.
THE MOM
Posted by: werinfinit
Posted on: 2004-03-25 09:26:07
the moms not helping BY saying no to birth control, maybe that's why ALex got pregnant in the first place because she knew her mom doesnt like birth control, you know what might help ALex straighten up, first of all put her in a regular school that doesnt cater to single mothers and let HER REALLY DO IT on her own to learn the lesson
Posted by: werinfinit
Posted on: 2004-03-25 09:26:07
the moms not helping BY saying no to birth control, maybe that's why ALex got pregnant in the first place because she knew her mom doesnt like birth control, you know what might help ALex straighten up, first of all put her in a regular school that doesnt cater to single mothers and let HER REALLY DO IT on her own to learn the lesson
Mom or No Mom
Posted by: urdaughter
Posted on: 2004-03-25 12:22:36
Okay, I would like to say this! weather your mom is putting you on birth control or not, teenagers need to relize these days that their is consequneces to doing wrong. And, if YOU are going to have sex then YOU need to take responsibility for your own actions and no one needs to push the mom for not putting her daughter on birth control.. Now that Alex has a son she should be put on birth control... but the point of this is.. It is NOT her mothers fault for Alex getting pregnet..birthcontrol or not!
Thanks for listening to me!
(I am a teenager)
Posted by: urdaughter
Posted on: 2004-03-25 12:22:36
Okay, I would like to say this! weather your mom is putting you on birth control or not, teenagers need to relize these days that their is consequneces to doing wrong. And, if YOU are going to have sex then YOU need to take responsibility for your own actions and no one needs to push the mom for not putting her daughter on birth control.. Now that Alex has a son she should be put on birth control... but the point of this is.. It is NOT her mothers fault for Alex getting pregnet..birthcontrol or not!
Thanks for listening to me!
(I am a teenager)
Posted by: amieegirl
Posted on: 2004-03-25 16:10:38
I agree with you. I'm 20 and I have a son because I wasn't on birth controll. (I am now) but once you are sexually active, it's pritty much impossible to stop. especially when you are becoming older.
Her parents can't watch her 24/7 either. How is she going to become independant?
I really think it would be a good idea to put your teenager on the pill. If I were able to talk to my parents about that kind of stuff before, I'd probably not have a 7 month old son now. (even tho he's my joy)
Posted by: qztram
Posted on: 2004-03-22 11:19:52
A family divided: I don't think you should put your children on birth control. They will do it anyway, rather or not they are on the pill. They should be made to deal with their actions. If that means a baby, there are alot of mature married couples out there that would love to have a baby, give it up for adoption.
Posted by: venue05
Posted on: 2004-03-25 17:09:07
I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with you. I was put on birth control when I turned 15 and I remained a virgin until I was 20 (I am 21 now and planning for a family).
I am a case-in-point that "they will do it anway" is not true.
Also, I am so totally appalled that you think kids should be on their own when it comes to sex. That "they should be made to deal with their actions" even it that means having a baby. Kids have sex because they are around it everyday, TV, radio, books, peers. I was around it all the time, too, but the reason I didn't have sex was because I didn't have to deal with it on my own. I had a mother and a sister that I could talk to.
Take a look around you, the kids that are having sex are the ones that have to deal with it on their own. They are the kids that have no relationship with their parents. If you close your kid out of your life, they are going to seek attention elsewhere.
I don't know if you have kids, are a kid, or anything like that but, please, open your eyes and your mind. Ignorance begets ignorance.
I AGREE - DENYING HER BIRTH CONTROL IS RIDICULOUS
Posted by: ktgrrl
Posted on: 2004-03-25 19:53:04
I too started birth control at age 15 for Dysmenorrhea and I did not loose my virginity until years later. My mother thought putting me on the pill would be giving me permission to have sex and was very much against it. What my mother didn’t realize is that my decision to loose my virginity didn’t entirely rely on whether or not I had protection; other factors included with whom, how deeply I felt about them and if I wanted to take the relationship further. *ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS FELT THIS WAY AND MOST WERE ON THE PILL TOO FOR THE SAME REASONS.*
I think it’s ignorant to assume that teenagers aren’t capable of making of decisions about sex and that their decision making process isn’t more complex. I agree they need to be taught the consequences of their actions BUT WITH A BABY? At this point I can’t believe that they’re wasting their time trying to catch this kid having sex. The fact is the consequences are too serious to not take action. That girl should be on birth control and the focus should be on helping her take care of that baby and getting an education. I think Dr. Phil is being outright stupid and should back off the sex topic.
By the way the pill did wonders for my Dysmenorrhea and I am still on it at age 35 and it was only until I got married that I relied on it for birth control. Being a kid in the AIDS generation I and my single girlfriends *always used condoms.*
Posted by: ktgrrl
Posted on: 2004-03-25 19:53:04
I too started birth control at age 15 for Dysmenorrhea and I did not loose my virginity until years later. My mother thought putting me on the pill would be giving me permission to have sex and was very much against it. What my mother didn’t realize is that my decision to loose my virginity didn’t entirely rely on whether or not I had protection; other factors included with whom, how deeply I felt about them and if I wanted to take the relationship further. *ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS FELT THIS WAY AND MOST WERE ON THE PILL TOO FOR THE SAME REASONS.*
I think it’s ignorant to assume that teenagers aren’t capable of making of decisions about sex and that their decision making process isn’t more complex. I agree they need to be taught the consequences of their actions BUT WITH A BABY? At this point I can’t believe that they’re wasting their time trying to catch this kid having sex. The fact is the consequences are too serious to not take action. That girl should be on birth control and the focus should be on helping her take care of that baby and getting an education. I think Dr. Phil is being outright stupid and should back off the sex topic.
By the way the pill did wonders for my Dysmenorrhea and I am still on it at age 35 and it was only until I got married that I relied on it for birth control. Being a kid in the AIDS generation I and my single girlfriends *always used condoms.*
Posted by: haileeiluv
Posted on: 2004-03-29 21:46:10
that is a great comment and i totally agree with what you have to say.
Posted by: ysabell616
Posted on: 2004-10-01 19:10:07
I am 36 years old with 3 children. My first was born when I was 19. I worked VERY hard, got my degree in education in 4 years as planned (parents didn't pay for it..I had a scholarship that I didn't waste) and have been a successful teacher for 10 years.
HOWEVER, my younger sister had problems with endometriosis and was put on birth control during high school. I was NOT sexually active in high school, but did become so my second semester of college. I'm almost certain my sister WAS during high school.
TOday, my sister has one child at age 33, and was able to build a secure life for herself and her child and future children. I have scrapped and scrabbled for years to make ends meet, because I had so many responsibilities that, frankly, as motivated and capable as I was, I was NOT truly able to handle successfully.
I wish to this day that I had been able to take birth control, without condemnation, when going off to college. I was a "good girl," a parent pleaser, and couldn't imagine asking for it. My parent's insurance at the time would have paid for it. THe fact that I was too immature to see the real consequences of sex, also made me terrified to talk to my conservative parents about it.
I will be offering it to MY 13 year old in the next few years, though she is living the consequences herself of early pregnancy, and I believe she is determined not to have it happen to her.
Texas teacher
Absolutely
Posted by: lashmom
Posted on: 2004-03-28 12:57:26
You are so right. Girls who are "out on their own," in one way or another are the ones who get pregnant early in life, and often, prior to marriage. There is also a huge point in what Dr. Phil says about having life goals that keep people from doing destructive things. I have observed two families who handled raising daughters quite differently, and the daughter who was given way too much freedom and autonomy is now a single mother (and she was on birth control!) while the one who was raised in a loving, yet controlled environment is on her way toward an extremely promising career and will choose a relationship when it is the right time.
Posted by: lashmom
Posted on: 2004-03-28 12:57:26
You are so right. Girls who are "out on their own," in one way or another are the ones who get pregnant early in life, and often, prior to marriage. There is also a huge point in what Dr. Phil says about having life goals that keep people from doing destructive things. I have observed two families who handled raising daughters quite differently, and the daughter who was given way too much freedom and autonomy is now a single mother (and she was on birth control!) while the one who was raised in a loving, yet controlled environment is on her way toward an extremely promising career and will choose a relationship when it is the right time.
Posted by: brad2003
Posted on: 2004-03-31 00:46:45
If everything you are saying is true than why at 20 do I have a child and my sister, 22, does not have a child? We both have the same parents and neither of us where treated any different. And just because I have a child does not mean that I am headed no where. That is basically what you are stating.
You Didn't Listen
Posted by: lanamcclur
Posted on: 2004-04-29 08:43:15
The simple truth is that you didn't listen !!
And you will have a much harder time (and so will your child) as you try to make a success of your life. Even things you probably haven't thought about. A friend of mine had a daughter who had a baby without the benefit of marriage. She later met the man of her dreams, but unfortunately, he wasn't ready to settle down with someone else's baby. Not every man can do that, and he was honest enough to decide that before it was too late. But she wouldn't have had that heartbreak if she hadn't gotten pregnant before the wedding !!
Posted by: lanamcclur
Posted on: 2004-04-29 08:43:15
The simple truth is that you didn't listen !!
And you will have a much harder time (and so will your child) as you try to make a success of your life. Even things you probably haven't thought about. A friend of mine had a daughter who had a baby without the benefit of marriage. She later met the man of her dreams, but unfortunately, he wasn't ready to settle down with someone else's baby. Not every man can do that, and he was honest enough to decide that before it was too late. But she wouldn't have had that heartbreak if she hadn't gotten pregnant before the wedding !!
brad2003
Posted by: lashmom
Posted on: 2004-05-16 21:23:30
Sorry if I was misunderstood -- I do not know why you have a child or why your sister doesn't. Those are questions you have to answer for yourself. Obviously not every situation can have a predicted or predictable outcome. There are many many factors that may or may not be involved. I was simply talking in general terms.
And I certainly am not suggesting that your life is headed no where -- you can do whatever you put your mind to!
Posted by: lashmom
Posted on: 2004-05-16 21:23:30
Sorry if I was misunderstood -- I do not know why you have a child or why your sister doesn't. Those are questions you have to answer for yourself. Obviously not every situation can have a predicted or predictable outcome. There are many many factors that may or may not be involved. I was simply talking in general terms.
And I certainly am not suggesting that your life is headed no where -- you can do whatever you put your mind to!
HOLD UP
Posted by: luvjesus7
Posted on: 2004-04-01 10:39:18
I am 19 and have been living on my own since I was 16. (my mother moved to another state). Prior to that I practically lived on my own anyway. I am getting married in June and am a virgin. (My fiance who is 25 is also a virgin, I praise the Lord that He has blessed me with him.) The point though is, is that you are being extremely steriotypical. If what you said was true, not only would I be having sex, but I would have a child, and I would be at a dead end job with no education. But it's not. I'm a virgin, I'm on my own and I'm in college. So I've been "out on my own" and I'm not the one "who is getting pregnant early in life, and often, prior to marriage."
Posted by: luvjesus7
Posted on: 2004-04-01 10:39:18
I am 19 and have been living on my own since I was 16. (my mother moved to another state). Prior to that I practically lived on my own anyway. I am getting married in June and am a virgin. (My fiance who is 25 is also a virgin, I praise the Lord that He has blessed me with him.) The point though is, is that you are being extremely steriotypical. If what you said was true, not only would I be having sex, but I would have a child, and I would be at a dead end job with no education. But it's not. I'm a virgin, I'm on my own and I'm in college. So I've been "out on my own" and I'm not the one "who is getting pregnant early in life, and often, prior to marriage."
To luvjesus7
Posted by: lashmom
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:42:09
Well, your ID says it all. Unfortunately, in the case scenario I mentioned, the young girl who became pregnant did so precisely because she was left to her own devices, WITHOUT the benefit of ever being taught (definitively) about Christian moral standards and respecting oneself. That's a standard that you have set for yourself that I applaud.
If you notice, I said in an earlier post that not every situation has the same predictable outcome, but I stand by what I said in general -- the less parental involvement, the more trouble. (And yes, too much parental involvment can be trouble as well, as we have seen on other Dr. Phil shows!!) But there are generalities that deserve attention.
Posted by: lashmom
Posted on: 2004-05-25 02:42:09
Well, your ID says it all. Unfortunately, in the case scenario I mentioned, the young girl who became pregnant did so precisely because she was left to her own devices, WITHOUT the benefit of ever being taught (definitively) about Christian moral standards and respecting oneself. That's a standard that you have set for yourself that I applaud.
If you notice, I said in an earlier post that not every situation has the same predictable outcome, but I stand by what I said in general -- the less parental involvement, the more trouble. (And yes, too much parental involvment can be trouble as well, as we have seen on other Dr. Phil shows!!) But there are generalities that deserve attention.
To LuvJesus7
Posted by: woodsridge
Posted on: 2005-02-25 16:36:22
You are an inspiration to me. I also was 17 when I left home,I was a rebellious young girl with only one parent to raise me with three other sisters. The 1st two girls, one being myself got pregrant and had abortions. Today Iam 45 years old. Two children One son(23) and one daughter (16).
They are my world They know I love them very much. My son calls me daily with issues in his life, my daughter is sweet and very pretty, now tring to fit in to high school, has lots of freinds, sometimes she says she feels like her longtime friends (a set of twins she's known all her life) seem to not include her with their circle of freinds, knowing my daughter is feeling pushed aside, I'm worried about peer pressure. My daughter had a conversation on the phone after midnight that has disturbed me ( Please know that I would never listen in to her telephone calls but at this hour of the night I picked the ringing phone up at the exact same moment that my daughter did) normally I would have let her know I was there to get off the phone and told the young man to call her back at better time during the week and I would have hung up and allowed her to end the conversation, but for some reason I listened, and was totally shocked that my daughter was wanting to please this young man any way she could. How do I help her fit in w/out giving up her virginity.As a mother that has been their done that, I do not want to push her away.She has vowed abstinence thru the church and school.To Luvjesus7 you are as strong as Iam to have been able to grow from your mistakes, I want my daughter to be strong and know that her selfworth isn't based on having sex, but to be able to say I believe what I believe and I love myself enough to say no.
Posted by: woodsridge
Posted on: 2005-02-25 16:36:22
You are an inspiration to me. I also was 17 when I left home,I was a rebellious young girl with only one parent to raise me with three other sisters. The 1st two girls, one being myself got pregrant and had abortions. Today Iam 45 years old. Two children One son(23) and one daughter (16).
They are my world They know I love them very much. My son calls me daily with issues in his life, my daughter is sweet and very pretty, now tring to fit in to high school, has lots of freinds, sometimes she says she feels like her longtime friends (a set of twins she's known all her life) seem to not include her with their circle of freinds, knowing my daughter is feeling pushed aside, I'm worried about peer pressure. My daughter had a conversation on the phone after midnight that has disturbed me ( Please know that I would never listen in to her telephone calls but at this hour of the night I picked the ringing phone up at the exact same moment that my daughter did) normally I would have let her know I was there to get off the phone and told the young man to call her back at better time during the week and I would have hung up and allowed her to end the conversation, but for some reason I listened, and was totally shocked that my daughter was wanting to please this young man any way she could. How do I help her fit in w/out giving up her virginity.As a mother that has been their done that, I do not want to push her away.She has vowed abstinence thru the church and school.To Luvjesus7 you are as strong as Iam to have been able to grow from your mistakes, I want my daughter to be strong and know that her selfworth isn't based on having sex, but to be able to say I believe what I believe and I love myself enough to say no.
parents and virginity
Posted by: aawalter
Posted on: 2004-04-07 14:58:42
Not that it is any of our business or anything but no one knows when Erin or Marty lost their virginities. We do know that they got married very young and they may have both been virgins we don't know. But if hey lost them at 16 or 17 or whenever, I think its very hippocritical of them to say that alex should stop having sex becuase of her age. Not that it makes it right or anything. I also agree with the fact that children who have an open relationship or close relationship with their parents are the ones who are responsible about things and those who have a very distant relationship are more likly to run off to find that "love" and attention. I had a very open relationship with my mother and when I was eighteen and I had sex for the first time I told my mother the next day and within the week I had an appt. with my doctor to be put on birth control. My mother did not get angry but she wasn't happy either, but because I knew I could talk to her without her getting angry with me I did, if there would have been any doubt in my mind that she would have gotten angry and screamed and yelled at me there would be no way I would have talked to her about it and probably would have never gone on birth control.
Posted by: aawalter
Posted on: 2004-04-07 14:58:42
Not that it is any of our business or anything but no one knows when Erin or Marty lost their virginities. We do know that they got married very young and they may have both been virgins we don't know. But if hey lost them at 16 or 17 or whenever, I think its very hippocritical of them to say that alex should stop having sex becuase of her age. Not that it makes it right or anything. I also agree with the fact that children who have an open relationship or close relationship with their parents are the ones who are responsible about things and those who have a very distant relationship are more likly to run off to find that "love" and attention. I had a very open relationship with my mother and when I was eighteen and I had sex for the first time I told my mother the next day and within the week I had an appt. with my doctor to be put on birth control. My mother did not get angry but she wasn't happy either, but because I knew I could talk to her without her getting angry with me I did, if there would have been any doubt in my mind that she would have gotten angry and screamed and yelled at me there would be no way I would have talked to her about it and probably would have never gone on birth control.
Don't fool yourself
Posted by: astahl
Posted on: 2004-09-18 19:18:11
People want to be blind to the truth these days. I am 38 now. When I started dating at 15, my father told me that if I ever thought about having sex, to let him know, because he would get me birth control. I never did, and lucky for me, because I could have easily gotten pregnant. I put both of my daughters on the Depo-Provera shot as soon as I found out that they had had sex. I raise my girls in a strict and controlled environment. That doesn't keep kids from choosing to have sex. My best friend put both of her girls on Depo also. Neither had sex for nearly two years. Neither has a baby. Nearly all of their friends, however, do have babies. One girl just had her second and is still in school. Terri even told one mother that her daughter was sexually active to no avail. She tried to get the mother to get her daughter on some form of birth control. Now that daughter has a baby. I have a very open relationship with my daughters. I have told them numerous times, that if they get pregnant, that we will help them anyway we can so they finish school. They also know that they will have to work part-time to help with expenses. Most of all, they know that their parents will support them no matter what happens. The just had one friend give birth at 16. She has a terrible home situation, and a mother who thinks that thinks she is Mother of the Year. Another friend was afraid to tell her parents that she was pregnant for 5 1/2 months. Their response? She was forced to get an abortion. They still did not put her on birth control, and less than a month later, she is pregnant again. She isn't going to tell her parents. Instead, she is planning to move in with her boyfriend, and keep their baby. Parents out there, don't fool yourself! You will not be advocating teen sex. Instead, you will be helping your teen take responsibility. Think about it. Your teens will will thank you and you can have a little less to worry about. Our doctor and I also stressed the use of condoms for protection from STD's and from pregnancy. A little extra protection never hurt.
Posted by: astahl
Posted on: 2004-09-18 19:18:11
People want to be blind to the truth these days. I am 38 now. When I started dating at 15, my father told me that if I ever thought about having sex, to let him know, because he would get me birth control. I never did, and lucky for me, because I could have easily gotten pregnant. I put both of my daughters on the Depo-Provera shot as soon as I found out that they had had sex. I raise my girls in a strict and controlled environment. That doesn't keep kids from choosing to have sex. My best friend put both of her girls on Depo also. Neither had sex for nearly two years. Neither has a baby. Nearly all of their friends, however, do have babies. One girl just had her second and is still in school. Terri even told one mother that her daughter was sexually active to no avail. She tried to get the mother to get her daughter on some form of birth control. Now that daughter has a baby. I have a very open relationship with my daughters. I have told them numerous times, that if they get pregnant, that we will help them anyway we can so they finish school. They also know that they will have to work part-time to help with expenses. Most of all, they know that their parents will support them no matter what happens. The just had one friend give birth at 16. She has a terrible home situation, and a mother who thinks that thinks she is Mother of the Year. Another friend was afraid to tell her parents that she was pregnant for 5 1/2 months. Their response? She was forced to get an abortion. They still did not put her on birth control, and less than a month later, she is pregnant again. She isn't going to tell her parents. Instead, she is planning to move in with her boyfriend, and keep their baby. Parents out there, don't fool yourself! You will not be advocating teen sex. Instead, you will be helping your teen take responsibility. Think about it. Your teens will will thank you and you can have a little less to worry about. Our doctor and I also stressed the use of condoms for protection from STD's and from pregnancy. A little extra protection never hurt.
You're the fool
Posted by: byrne_baby
Posted on: 2004-09-30 07:33:59
I wouldn't sing the praises of the depo injection to highly my best friend was on it and always had protected sex but one slip up left her with a daughter who is now 16 months old. And all you people saying that these girls have come from families who don't care have no idea what a sterotype. Sorry to burst your bubble people but i know girls between 17 and 20 who are far better mothers than those who, according to you have the ideal home and life for a child. As for birth control, either you do or you don't but someone's always going to have a problem with it due to age and everything else people pick minor issues from
Posted by: byrne_baby
Posted on: 2004-09-30 07:33:59
I wouldn't sing the praises of the depo injection to highly my best friend was on it and always had protected sex but one slip up left her with a daughter who is now 16 months old. And all you people saying that these girls have come from families who don't care have no idea what a sterotype. Sorry to burst your bubble people but i know girls between 17 and 20 who are far better mothers than those who, according to you have the ideal home and life for a child. As for birth control, either you do or you don't but someone's always going to have a problem with it due to age and everything else people pick minor issues from
