04/19 Bullies
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Posted by: remsmom76
Posted on: 2005-04-19 07:43:29
Today when I turned on my TV I didnt know what the topic of the show was going to be about. My husband left for work and I just turned on the tube. The show had been on for about 10 minutes or more, but the little boy was on and as I heard him tell his story a river of tears came flowing down, and they are about to flow again.
Im 28 and when I was in middle school It was like living in hell everyday I went to school. I constantly tried to stay home pretending I had bad headaches, and I did but I think it was just the thought of "whats going to happen today?" I would get physically sick sometimes even throwing up.
It started when I was in 4th grade, and it just got worse when I was in 7th and 8th grade. There were a group of girls about 4 of them, they would come up to me threating me because "someone" said that I was spreading rumors about them. I never did. To tell you the truth I learned bad language in spanish from these girls because my parents were carefull not to say bad words. This is how scared I was. I needed to go to the bathroom but I was scared. These girls were known to skip classes all the time. I asked the teacher if I could go she said yes and I carefully opened the door looked out to see if the coast was clear. I litteraly ran to the bathroom peeked my head in to see if they were in there. They were not. I did my thing and I quickly left. Well, bad luck as fate would have it. As I was walking back to the classroom I hear them. I started to walk faster and they saw me. The ran up to me and they started to say something to me but I was so scared I was not paying attention. All I was thinking is "Get to class fast, Get to class fast!" The all of a sudden one of the girls the leader of the gang said "pay attention to me when Im talking to you!" Then she grabed the back of my hair and yanked me down to the floor.
Many other things happned but most of it was they constantly told me I was ugly and I would be lucky if a "ugly retarted man" -in there words- would even marry me.
Yes I did find a very handsome I might add, extremely smart man whos in the military but I still struggle with all the emotional abuse they did to me. It was not so much the beatings it was the emotional abuse that still hurts to this day.
Now I have 4 absolutely beautiful girls and I try to tell them that they are smart and beautiful cause they are. My 1st daughter has been recommended to take the GT test, my 2nd daughter in kinder has the reading level of a 1st grader passing to 2nd, my 4 year old is already learing to read and my 2 year old is talking in sentences. So I know Im doing something right.
Anyone if you can answer this for me...how can I raise confident girls who will not bully but make sure that everyone is not being bullied. I dont want heros, but I do want them to do the right thing. Stop rummors in there tracks, and stop the teasing?
Priscilla
Posted by: remsmom76
Posted on: 2005-04-19 07:43:29
Today when I turned on my TV I didnt know what the topic of the show was going to be about. My husband left for work and I just turned on the tube. The show had been on for about 10 minutes or more, but the little boy was on and as I heard him tell his story a river of tears came flowing down, and they are about to flow again.
Im 28 and when I was in middle school It was like living in hell everyday I went to school. I constantly tried to stay home pretending I had bad headaches, and I did but I think it was just the thought of "whats going to happen today?" I would get physically sick sometimes even throwing up.
It started when I was in 4th grade, and it just got worse when I was in 7th and 8th grade. There were a group of girls about 4 of them, they would come up to me threating me because "someone" said that I was spreading rumors about them. I never did. To tell you the truth I learned bad language in spanish from these girls because my parents were carefull not to say bad words. This is how scared I was. I needed to go to the bathroom but I was scared. These girls were known to skip classes all the time. I asked the teacher if I could go she said yes and I carefully opened the door looked out to see if the coast was clear. I litteraly ran to the bathroom peeked my head in to see if they were in there. They were not. I did my thing and I quickly left. Well, bad luck as fate would have it. As I was walking back to the classroom I hear them. I started to walk faster and they saw me. The ran up to me and they started to say something to me but I was so scared I was not paying attention. All I was thinking is "Get to class fast, Get to class fast!" The all of a sudden one of the girls the leader of the gang said "pay attention to me when Im talking to you!" Then she grabed the back of my hair and yanked me down to the floor.
Many other things happned but most of it was they constantly told me I was ugly and I would be lucky if a "ugly retarted man" -in there words- would even marry me.
Yes I did find a very handsome I might add, extremely smart man whos in the military but I still struggle with all the emotional abuse they did to me. It was not so much the beatings it was the emotional abuse that still hurts to this day.
Now I have 4 absolutely beautiful girls and I try to tell them that they are smart and beautiful cause they are. My 1st daughter has been recommended to take the GT test, my 2nd daughter in kinder has the reading level of a 1st grader passing to 2nd, my 4 year old is already learing to read and my 2 year old is talking in sentences. So I know Im doing something right.
Anyone if you can answer this for me...how can I raise confident girls who will not bully but make sure that everyone is not being bullied. I dont want heros, but I do want them to do the right thing. Stop rummors in there tracks, and stop the teasing?
Priscilla
It starts at home
Posted by: atlswan
Posted on: 2005-04-19 08:41:07
Priscilla, your story touched me. I was never bullied physically but I was mentally. When I was nine, three girls that I played with in my neighborhood decided they didn't like me any more. I have no idea why. They ostracized me. One of them tried to get me ostracized at school. I wasn't threatened but I lost friends fast. It wasn't until I was 12 that things got better. I made one good friend and we're still best friends to this day.
You ask about how you can raise your girls to avoid such things and do the right thing. Sit down with them, when the time is right, and tell them what happened to you. Inspire them not only to not bully, but befriend the underdog. It isn't easy to not go along with the crowd, but when they hear from Mom that this is the right thing to do, it will go a long way.
Not long after I met my best friend, a girl in my chorus was being bullied due to untrue rumors. I befriended her and a lot of it went away because this girl now had a buddy to help her. One person stepping forward can make such a different!
As for those parents who claimed that their little darlings who bullied "didn't know what those words meant", the kids probably heard them from their parents and they know good and well what they mean.
Posted by: atlswan
Posted on: 2005-04-19 08:41:07
Priscilla, your story touched me. I was never bullied physically but I was mentally. When I was nine, three girls that I played with in my neighborhood decided they didn't like me any more. I have no idea why. They ostracized me. One of them tried to get me ostracized at school. I wasn't threatened but I lost friends fast. It wasn't until I was 12 that things got better. I made one good friend and we're still best friends to this day.
You ask about how you can raise your girls to avoid such things and do the right thing. Sit down with them, when the time is right, and tell them what happened to you. Inspire them not only to not bully, but befriend the underdog. It isn't easy to not go along with the crowd, but when they hear from Mom that this is the right thing to do, it will go a long way.
Not long after I met my best friend, a girl in my chorus was being bullied due to untrue rumors. I befriended her and a lot of it went away because this girl now had a buddy to help her. One person stepping forward can make such a different!
As for those parents who claimed that their little darlings who bullied "didn't know what those words meant", the kids probably heard them from their parents and they know good and well what they mean.
BULLIES - SCHOOL/WORKPLACE/NEIGHBORHOOD/HOME
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2005-04-19 16:21:01
If you answer YES to one or more of the questions below, you may be interested in reading:
Stop Walking on Eggshells; Taking Your Life Back When...Has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted against you? Do you find yourself concealing thoughts and feelings to avoid horrible arguments? Do you feel manipulated, controlled or lied to? Are you accused of things you never did or said? Are you the focus of intense, violent and irrational rages, alternating with periods when they act normal and loving? Does no one believe you when you explain what is going on?
Tim Fields of The Field Foundation is a well known and highly respect leader in the area of stopping bullying at all levels - Family, Workplace, School and Neighborhood. His website:
www.thefieldfoundation.org
He is most known for bringing awareness to the varied levels of bullying and the impact on its victims and their families. Also for his worldwide efforts toward "making a bully-free world".
Once on the website you may be interested in researching the topic of "Bullycide" (Death at Playtime) and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2005-04-19 16:21:01
If you answer YES to one or more of the questions below, you may be interested in reading:
Stop Walking on Eggshells; Taking Your Life Back When...Has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger
Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted against you? Do you find yourself concealing thoughts and feelings to avoid horrible arguments? Do you feel manipulated, controlled or lied to? Are you accused of things you never did or said? Are you the focus of intense, violent and irrational rages, alternating with periods when they act normal and loving? Does no one believe you when you explain what is going on?
Tim Fields of The Field Foundation is a well known and highly respect leader in the area of stopping bullying at all levels - Family, Workplace, School and Neighborhood. His website:
www.thefieldfoundation.org
He is most known for bringing awareness to the varied levels of bullying and the impact on its victims and their families. Also for his worldwide efforts toward "making a bully-free world".
Once on the website you may be interested in researching the topic of "Bullycide" (Death at Playtime) and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
But Ends At School ?
Posted by: irish91562
Posted on: 2005-04-20 09:02:31
Kids were just as brutal when I was growing up. I too, was ostracized in the 7th grade after a boy decided to like me instead of another girl. The "clique" Queen spread a rumor that I was a "lesbian" (of course, I had no idea what that was) and from then on, my life was a daily Hell. My parents took me out of the Public School and put me in the Parochial School for 8th grade, but it was just as bad there, since the girls who knew the Public School girls from their neighborhood just picked up where the others left off.
I had a "fresh start" in a regional Parochial High School, attended by girls from all different towns. I had to "get tough" pretty quickly, or because of my small size and "lack of development", I would have been an easy target. The girls here were just as bad, if not worse to those they picked on, than anything I'd seen. I don't know if it's because the parents didn't make issue of it or what, but NONE OF THE SCHOOLS MADE ANY ATTEMPT TO PUT A STOP TO IT.
This is a LOT easier to do in a Private School, unless the school is so concerned about losing "tuition money" that they are willing to keep "Betty" or "Bart" the BULLY there instead of threatening them with EXPULSION for bullying. If private schools were to adopt a ZERO TOLERANCE policy for any type of bullying or "ostracizing," just like schools do for DRUG USE, they could make both policies QUITE CLEAR to parents on "Orientation Night" prior to their child's FIRST day of attendance.
As for the nonsense pulled by the parents of the bullies, if a kid DID try to violate the policy, BOTH PARENTS should be required to TAKE A DAY OFF FROM WORK to come to the school and ANSWER FOR THEIR CHILD'S MISBEHAVIOR. The Principal should have a LARGE SIGN hanging on the wall, reading "Not MY Child !??? YES ! YOUR CHILD" at the top, and at the bottom: THE BUCK STOPS HERE"
Posted by: irish91562
Posted on: 2005-04-20 09:02:31
Kids were just as brutal when I was growing up. I too, was ostracized in the 7th grade after a boy decided to like me instead of another girl. The "clique" Queen spread a rumor that I was a "lesbian" (of course, I had no idea what that was) and from then on, my life was a daily Hell. My parents took me out of the Public School and put me in the Parochial School for 8th grade, but it was just as bad there, since the girls who knew the Public School girls from their neighborhood just picked up where the others left off.
I had a "fresh start" in a regional Parochial High School, attended by girls from all different towns. I had to "get tough" pretty quickly, or because of my small size and "lack of development", I would have been an easy target. The girls here were just as bad, if not worse to those they picked on, than anything I'd seen. I don't know if it's because the parents didn't make issue of it or what, but NONE OF THE SCHOOLS MADE ANY ATTEMPT TO PUT A STOP TO IT.
This is a LOT easier to do in a Private School, unless the school is so concerned about losing "tuition money" that they are willing to keep "Betty" or "Bart" the BULLY there instead of threatening them with EXPULSION for bullying. If private schools were to adopt a ZERO TOLERANCE policy for any type of bullying or "ostracizing," just like schools do for DRUG USE, they could make both policies QUITE CLEAR to parents on "Orientation Night" prior to their child's FIRST day of attendance.
As for the nonsense pulled by the parents of the bullies, if a kid DID try to violate the policy, BOTH PARENTS should be required to TAKE A DAY OFF FROM WORK to come to the school and ANSWER FOR THEIR CHILD'S MISBEHAVIOR. The Principal should have a LARGE SIGN hanging on the wall, reading "Not MY Child !??? YES ! YOUR CHILD" at the top, and at the bottom: THE BUCK STOPS HERE"
Only At School Can Bullying Be Stopped
Posted by: bulliescbt
Posted on: 2005-04-20 10:23:21
Thank you for revealing that bullying occurs even in private schools. Yes, parents should speak up. Most targets of bullying won't speak about it because they are afraid of retaliation , or that they will be thought of as a coward. It's very important to support victims and not ask them to change, there's nothing wrong with them.
Schools are in denial about this problem. They either think that they have bullying under control, or they think it's not their problem. In both cases they are wrong. 160,000 students miss school each day because of their fear of being bullied.
This is a problem that can be solved by schools without having to deal with one bully and victim at a time. Schools must establish a culture of good citizenship, teach those skills, and hold students accountable for practicing them, on and off campus. Not seeing the incident is no excuse for not dealing with it.
I've written a guide for parents and schools based upon 30 years of work as a teacher and princiipal in South Los Angeles and research on bullying. Bullies Can Be Transformed Into Good Citizens tells how this critical role can be fulfilled by each school.
Only when we stop bullying, and assure that all students learn the skills of good citizenship will we have safe schools and communities for our youth. You might wish to check out bulliescanbetransformed.com to learn more about ending this misery of students and their parents. The only place it can be ended is where the kids are...school.
Posted by: bulliescbt
Posted on: 2005-04-20 10:23:21
Thank you for revealing that bullying occurs even in private schools. Yes, parents should speak up. Most targets of bullying won't speak about it because they are afraid of retaliation , or that they will be thought of as a coward. It's very important to support victims and not ask them to change, there's nothing wrong with them.
Schools are in denial about this problem. They either think that they have bullying under control, or they think it's not their problem. In both cases they are wrong. 160,000 students miss school each day because of their fear of being bullied.
This is a problem that can be solved by schools without having to deal with one bully and victim at a time. Schools must establish a culture of good citizenship, teach those skills, and hold students accountable for practicing them, on and off campus. Not seeing the incident is no excuse for not dealing with it.
I've written a guide for parents and schools based upon 30 years of work as a teacher and princiipal in South Los Angeles and research on bullying. Bullies Can Be Transformed Into Good Citizens tells how this critical role can be fulfilled by each school.
Only when we stop bullying, and assure that all students learn the skills of good citizenship will we have safe schools and communities for our youth. You might wish to check out bulliescanbetransformed.com to learn more about ending this misery of students and their parents. The only place it can be ended is where the kids are...school.
thank you
Posted by: 12kk34
Posted on: 2005-04-20 17:45:49
thank you for wrinting I am currently dealing with my daughter's school in reagards to concerns that she is being bullied and nothing is being done. I especially alppreciate the part where you say that it is important not to tell the victim of the bullying to change. This is precisely what the school told me just this morning and I spoke with another mother and she informed me that they have told her that her daughter also needs to change. The more I look into this matter the more I think that the school is in denial and rather than dealing with source of the real problem or maybe the easier solution for them they have decided that it may be easier to deal with the "good" kids. Thanks again, you have made me even stronger in my beleif that I must stand up and speak up!
Posted by: 12kk34
Posted on: 2005-04-20 17:45:49
thank you for wrinting I am currently dealing with my daughter's school in reagards to concerns that she is being bullied and nothing is being done. I especially alppreciate the part where you say that it is important not to tell the victim of the bullying to change. This is precisely what the school told me just this morning and I spoke with another mother and she informed me that they have told her that her daughter also needs to change. The more I look into this matter the more I think that the school is in denial and rather than dealing with source of the real problem or maybe the easier solution for them they have decided that it may be easier to deal with the "good" kids. Thanks again, you have made me even stronger in my beleif that I must stand up and speak up!
Bullies Need To Change
Posted by: bulliescbt
Posted on: 2005-04-21 08:59:53
Thanks for the feedback. You are on the right track talking with other parents. Get a group together to put the bullying problem on the agenda of your PTA or School Site Council.
Your school must assure that all students are safe and need not fear coming to school. That's a minimum obligation. Your Parent Group can lead by asking the Principal to involve the school in developing a program to deal proactively with bullying. See http://BulliesCanBeTransformed or http://StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov for resources which your Parent Group can use.
If the Principal can't solve the problem by working with the girls, you have a right to request a parent conference with the other parents in the presence of the Principal or the girls' teacher(s). The purpose of your conference would be to "discuss the problems
the girls are having getting along with each other."
You would not accuse the girls of bullying your daughter. You would report what the girls are saying. You will tell their parents that their girls may be fine young ladies, but they are hurting your daughter's feelings. You would prefer that they were all friends. You would like to work with them as parents to make that happen.
Generally, the parents of bullies are very defensive, they won't want to admit that their children are bullying anyone and will
try to place blame on your son if you are accusatory. That's why the gentle approach I described above would be a better one.
Sometimes the parents like the idea of the girls being friends and would want to call them in and talk to them about this.
If you are in agreement as adults, then it would be time to call the girls in and let them know what is expected of them.
Let every girl have her say, but the parents should insist that they expect no more impolite talk. They expect their girls to make them proud by being friendly people.
Should the Principal refuse to arrange that parent conference, you should go to your District Office and ask for assistance.
Your Principal has a supervisor and that supervisor has one as well. Your District Superintendent does not want issues like this to go unresolved. Hopefully you won't need to go that far.
Posted by: bulliescbt
Posted on: 2005-04-21 08:59:53
Thanks for the feedback. You are on the right track talking with other parents. Get a group together to put the bullying problem on the agenda of your PTA or School Site Council.
Your school must assure that all students are safe and need not fear coming to school. That's a minimum obligation. Your Parent Group can lead by asking the Principal to involve the school in developing a program to deal proactively with bullying. See http://BulliesCanBeTransformed or http://StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov for resources which your Parent Group can use.
If the Principal can't solve the problem by working with the girls, you have a right to request a parent conference with the other parents in the presence of the Principal or the girls' teacher(s). The purpose of your conference would be to "discuss the problems
the girls are having getting along with each other."
You would not accuse the girls of bullying your daughter. You would report what the girls are saying. You will tell their parents that their girls may be fine young ladies, but they are hurting your daughter's feelings. You would prefer that they were all friends. You would like to work with them as parents to make that happen.
Generally, the parents of bullies are very defensive, they won't want to admit that their children are bullying anyone and will
try to place blame on your son if you are accusatory. That's why the gentle approach I described above would be a better one.
Sometimes the parents like the idea of the girls being friends and would want to call them in and talk to them about this.
If you are in agreement as adults, then it would be time to call the girls in and let them know what is expected of them.
Let every girl have her say, but the parents should insist that they expect no more impolite talk. They expect their girls to make them proud by being friendly people.
Should the Principal refuse to arrange that parent conference, you should go to your District Office and ask for assistance.
Your Principal has a supervisor and that supervisor has one as well. Your District Superintendent does not want issues like this to go unresolved. Hopefully you won't need to go that far.
MY SON HAS BEEN BULLYED FOR 7 MONTHS
Posted by: crtvic
Posted on: 2005-04-22 00:17:09
MY SON HAS BEEN BULLYED FOR 7 MONTHS, I HAVE BEEN TO THE PRINCIPLE, DISTRICT, BOARD MEETINGS, BOARD MEMBERS. I E-MAILED THE STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION, THE
GOVONER, AND LAST MONTH I PULLED HIM OUT AND PUT HIM ON HOME SCHOOL. I AM AMAZED THIS IS SO WIDE SPREAD. I WAS ALSO TOLD MY SON NEEDS TO CHANGE, NOT PLAY BASKETBALL SO GOOD, DON'T PLAY KICKBALL AT YOUR BEST. IT IS EASYER FOR THE SCHOOL TO STICK MY SON IN A CORNER THAN ADDRESS THE REAL PROBLEM. IT IS SO UNFAIR FOR MY SON TO BE HOME EVERY DAY AND THE BULLIES ARE STILL AT SCHOOL VICTOMIZING OTHER KIDS. MY SONS SCHOOL DON'T EVEN HAVE A POLICY ON BULLYING.MY SON WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL NEAR OUR HOME, THERE IS ONLY ONE JR HIGH AND ONE HIGH SCHOOL. I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO LOOK AT LEGAL ACTIONS, I FEEL I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN DO. I AM GLAD THIS IS A PRIME TOPIC SO MY SON CAN SEE IT'S NOT JUST HIM.
Posted by: crtvic
Posted on: 2005-04-22 00:17:09
MY SON HAS BEEN BULLYED FOR 7 MONTHS, I HAVE BEEN TO THE PRINCIPLE, DISTRICT, BOARD MEETINGS, BOARD MEMBERS. I E-MAILED THE STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION, THE
GOVONER, AND LAST MONTH I PULLED HIM OUT AND PUT HIM ON HOME SCHOOL. I AM AMAZED THIS IS SO WIDE SPREAD. I WAS ALSO TOLD MY SON NEEDS TO CHANGE, NOT PLAY BASKETBALL SO GOOD, DON'T PLAY KICKBALL AT YOUR BEST. IT IS EASYER FOR THE SCHOOL TO STICK MY SON IN A CORNER THAN ADDRESS THE REAL PROBLEM. IT IS SO UNFAIR FOR MY SON TO BE HOME EVERY DAY AND THE BULLIES ARE STILL AT SCHOOL VICTOMIZING OTHER KIDS. MY SONS SCHOOL DON'T EVEN HAVE A POLICY ON BULLYING.MY SON WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL NEAR OUR HOME, THERE IS ONLY ONE JR HIGH AND ONE HIGH SCHOOL. I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO LOOK AT LEGAL ACTIONS, I FEEL I HAVE DONE ALL I CAN DO. I AM GLAD THIS IS A PRIME TOPIC SO MY SON CAN SEE IT'S NOT JUST HIM.
We've dealt with bullies for 7 years so far....
Posted by: whitefam
Posted on: 2005-04-26 15:25:38
I can understand where you are coming from. Our situation is a slight bit different. My son is picked on BECAUSE he doesn't play sports, and he's not into the "rough and tough" boy things. He's much more interested in art, literature, and learning about other cultures. The bullying started in kindergarten, he's now finishing up his 6th grade year. It's never ending,it has even come into our home. And has went from picking on him personally to picking on him about his parents. Not only do the children do it...but the teachers are also getting involved!!! I have taken this as far as I can in my state. It has gotten so bad, that he talked about commiting suicide. I've taken him to a private therapist, and to no avail, she couldn't get an progress or even confirmation from the schools. What are parents supposed to do set back and wait for something big to happen. While comforting our children every afternoon because of what happened that day? We've decided to move several hours away to get into a better school system. Which I feel is extreme. Our school has a NO TOLERANCE policy on bullying. Classes are even taught on it at school, and still I can't get anything done about it. I personally am at the point that I as a parent don't know what to do anymore. Point being, doesn't matter why they're being bullied, it's all the same they're being bullied. And what are we as parents supposed to do about it?
Posted by: whitefam
Posted on: 2005-04-26 15:25:38
I can understand where you are coming from. Our situation is a slight bit different. My son is picked on BECAUSE he doesn't play sports, and he's not into the "rough and tough" boy things. He's much more interested in art, literature, and learning about other cultures. The bullying started in kindergarten, he's now finishing up his 6th grade year. It's never ending,it has even come into our home. And has went from picking on him personally to picking on him about his parents. Not only do the children do it...but the teachers are also getting involved!!! I have taken this as far as I can in my state. It has gotten so bad, that he talked about commiting suicide. I've taken him to a private therapist, and to no avail, she couldn't get an progress or even confirmation from the schools. What are parents supposed to do set back and wait for something big to happen. While comforting our children every afternoon because of what happened that day? We've decided to move several hours away to get into a better school system. Which I feel is extreme. Our school has a NO TOLERANCE policy on bullying. Classes are even taught on it at school, and still I can't get anything done about it. I personally am at the point that I as a parent don't know what to do anymore. Point being, doesn't matter why they're being bullied, it's all the same they're being bullied. And what are we as parents supposed to do about it?
Bullied kids
Posted by: lajn86
Posted on: 2005-04-27 11:14:06
I agree my son has been bullied allyesr and finally retaliated this last week. A young boy in his class was picking on him and wouldnt leave his personnal things alone (his glasses). finally after asking twice my son put the other boy in a headlock. The teacher was not paying any attention to this. He had spoken to the teacher in the past about the other boy before. He was told to just settle it himself so he was. Well a fight happened and both boys received 2 days detention. Even in the detention the other boy was bullying my son and the teacher had to make my son wait until the other boy was gone so he could leave.I have been to the principle and other teachers, but get no results.My oldest son who is a senior still gets bullied because he is a cheerleader, can you imagine the names he gets called. His little brother even gets flack about that. So we are getting the trickle down effect or ( guilty by association). What really has to happen to get kids to stop being so mean. Parents need to be held responsible for letting their kids be bad.
I think that the parents who think this is all O.K. need a GOOD HELPING OF REALITY!!
A Mom of 2 great kids
Posted by: lajn86
Posted on: 2005-04-27 11:14:06
I agree my son has been bullied allyesr and finally retaliated this last week. A young boy in his class was picking on him and wouldnt leave his personnal things alone (his glasses). finally after asking twice my son put the other boy in a headlock. The teacher was not paying any attention to this. He had spoken to the teacher in the past about the other boy before. He was told to just settle it himself so he was. Well a fight happened and both boys received 2 days detention. Even in the detention the other boy was bullying my son and the teacher had to make my son wait until the other boy was gone so he could leave.I have been to the principle and other teachers, but get no results.My oldest son who is a senior still gets bullied because he is a cheerleader, can you imagine the names he gets called. His little brother even gets flack about that. So we are getting the trickle down effect or ( guilty by association). What really has to happen to get kids to stop being so mean. Parents need to be held responsible for letting their kids be bad.
I think that the parents who think this is all O.K. need a GOOD HELPING OF REALITY!!
A Mom of 2 great kids
I disagree about "getting along"
Posted by: siscarrie
Posted on: 2005-04-22 08:36:31
Sorry, but I disagree with making this out to be a problem with "the girls getting along with each other". This is about a group of girls abusing and victimizing another, and it should not be tolerated. A lot of bullies are very good at manipulating authorities, and we shouldn't fall for it! If another adult assaulted you for no reason, how would you feel if the judge told you that you should "learn to get along"? It's about time we give children who are abused and victimized the same rights as adults!
Posted by: siscarrie
Posted on: 2005-04-22 08:36:31
Sorry, but I disagree with making this out to be a problem with "the girls getting along with each other". This is about a group of girls abusing and victimizing another, and it should not be tolerated. A lot of bullies are very good at manipulating authorities, and we shouldn't fall for it! If another adult assaulted you for no reason, how would you feel if the judge told you that you should "learn to get along"? It's about time we give children who are abused and victimized the same rights as adults!
I agree with SisCarrie
Posted by: peerabuse
Posted on: 2005-04-23 11:27:42
I agree SisCarrie, when someone is being bullied, tormented....it can be really hard to "get along". These kids are trying to keep their sanity after being harassed 24/7 and the parents need to seek counseling for their child. As for the bully, he needs counseling as well. Anyone who spews such mean behavior has serious issues of their own.
I do agree that parents need to stay on top of this and stop excusing bullying behavior in their children. Parents whose children are being bullied, they need to stop telling them to "ignore it and it will go away". EVERYONE needs to stop doing that! Belittling someone's feelings only makes it worse, not better.
As for the schools, yeah, grab every bit of documentation you can find. If it is in writing, it carries more weight. These schools are doing everything they can today to worm their way out of this. Destroying videotapes....everything and it is sick. What has our society come to when we encourage this type of behavior? What does this say about mankind and the concern for our kids? If the schools will not budge, go to law enforcement. Just make sure you have EVERYTHING in writing.
Have a good Saturday,
Elizabeth
elizabethbennett@peerabuse.info
Posted by: peerabuse
Posted on: 2005-04-23 11:27:42
I agree SisCarrie, when someone is being bullied, tormented....it can be really hard to "get along". These kids are trying to keep their sanity after being harassed 24/7 and the parents need to seek counseling for their child. As for the bully, he needs counseling as well. Anyone who spews such mean behavior has serious issues of their own.
I do agree that parents need to stay on top of this and stop excusing bullying behavior in their children. Parents whose children are being bullied, they need to stop telling them to "ignore it and it will go away". EVERYONE needs to stop doing that! Belittling someone's feelings only makes it worse, not better.
As for the schools, yeah, grab every bit of documentation you can find. If it is in writing, it carries more weight. These schools are doing everything they can today to worm their way out of this. Destroying videotapes....everything and it is sick. What has our society come to when we encourage this type of behavior? What does this say about mankind and the concern for our kids? If the schools will not budge, go to law enforcement. Just make sure you have EVERYTHING in writing.
Have a good Saturday,
Elizabeth
elizabethbennett@peerabuse.info
You Are Right
Posted by: bulliescbt
Posted on: 2005-04-23 15:28:51
Siscarrie,
You are right that the issue is victimization. However, if we are going to get the parents involved, we need to have their cooperation.
Research shows that parents, as well as bullies are in denial. They don't want to believe that they are wrong aboout anything. We've got to get those parents in the room.
We want the parents to come in without being defensive. We want the parents to hear what their children have been saying and doing, just the facts, not the labels. Once they hear what has been said and done, they are going to want to make a change in that behavior.
It's easier to get a change in behavior when we know the specific behavior that needs to change than when we use a general term like bullying and victimization.
It is not misleading to say that the kids aren't getting along. If they were "getting along," there would be no name calling, fighting, shoving, or exclusion. If they were getting along they would be supportive, inclusive, appreciate differences, work as a team, see the value in unlimited friendships.
It's the job of schools to teach and produce this behavior. Schools are failing where this behavior is not universally observed. Schools need to be held accountable, principals and teachers. Their schools will be more peaceful and their students will learn more when they achieve the kind of goal oriented learning community that prevents bullying. It can certainly be done.
Sincerely,
Steve, bulliescbt@aol.com
Posted by: bulliescbt
Posted on: 2005-04-23 15:28:51
Siscarrie,
You are right that the issue is victimization. However, if we are going to get the parents involved, we need to have their cooperation.
Research shows that parents, as well as bullies are in denial. They don't want to believe that they are wrong aboout anything. We've got to get those parents in the room.
We want the parents to come in without being defensive. We want the parents to hear what their children have been saying and doing, just the facts, not the labels. Once they hear what has been said and done, they are going to want to make a change in that behavior.
It's easier to get a change in behavior when we know the specific behavior that needs to change than when we use a general term like bullying and victimization.
It is not misleading to say that the kids aren't getting along. If they were "getting along," there would be no name calling, fighting, shoving, or exclusion. If they were getting along they would be supportive, inclusive, appreciate differences, work as a team, see the value in unlimited friendships.
It's the job of schools to teach and produce this behavior. Schools are failing where this behavior is not universally observed. Schools need to be held accountable, principals and teachers. Their schools will be more peaceful and their students will learn more when they achieve the kind of goal oriented learning community that prevents bullying. It can certainly be done.
Sincerely,
Steve, bulliescbt@aol.com
bullies can be stopped
Posted by: rudyscutie
Posted on: 2005-04-21 09:13:57
I have alot of understanding about this whole subject. So many kids are bullied. And I don't know for sure what the laws are like in the U.S. But I know what we went thru and I have learned some important facts.
First you approach the school and have them give you the facts on their rules about bullies. Believe me, they have rules about behaviour on the school yard. So you get the information. Then you report the crime. If nothing is done, you go to the school trustees. They can help you, better than a teacher or a principal. The school board has all the names of the trustees. Put everything in writing. And use the rules the school is supposed to reinforce! If you use the rules and point out that they are being broken, they don't have a leg to stand on.
The other thing that really upsets me about bullies is their parents. People think about this. If your child is the one doing the bullying, you are not doing him or her any favours by condoning this type of behaviour. It isn't good if your child has the capacity to hurt another child, whether verbally, physically or now in cyber space. You are giving your child a message, that other people mean nothing. And you are robbing your child of a chance for a normal and fufilling life! There is guilt that they will suffer. The best course of action is to stop it immediately if you see your child acting agressively towards others. I can guarantee you that it only gets worse. That is how criminal behaviour starts.
Since you are the parent, act accordingly and do your job. Parent the child and explain why bullying is so bad. Your children will listen to you. You got them thru potty training didn't you? This has reached epidemic proportions. And the next step is another Columbine. It has no business going that far. These are children that we are responsible for. And if you see bullying of any kind on a school playground, you should report it. Even if you don't have a child attending that school. Do your part!
If we all stick together we can end this. And until we stand up for the rights of our future generation by going to school trustees if need be, this problem will not go away on its own! Teaching the children doing the bullying, that this is inappropriate behaviour is the only way to stop it. And getting involved with the school board and the principal and the teachers and the trustees will direct their attention to something that absolutely cannot be tolerated.
I wish you all luck with your problems. All you have to do is follow the rules, that the school board has laid down, and this will solve alot of problems. And if worst comes to worst, there is always the police department. Just be sure to write down all that takes place so that you have a record of it. There is accountabilty here. And we are all responsible. My heart goes out to the parents who have lost their children because of bullies. I will keep you in my prayers. But honestly it should never get that far. If you know what is going on, give your children other options. There are ways to deal with aggresive behaviour that harm no one! After school activities that release the tension. Counselling if need be. The school's have counsellors that can help you.
Posted by: rudyscutie
Posted on: 2005-04-21 09:13:57
I have alot of understanding about this whole subject. So many kids are bullied. And I don't know for sure what the laws are like in the U.S. But I know what we went thru and I have learned some important facts.
First you approach the school and have them give you the facts on their rules about bullies. Believe me, they have rules about behaviour on the school yard. So you get the information. Then you report the crime. If nothing is done, you go to the school trustees. They can help you, better than a teacher or a principal. The school board has all the names of the trustees. Put everything in writing. And use the rules the school is supposed to reinforce! If you use the rules and point out that they are being broken, they don't have a leg to stand on.
The other thing that really upsets me about bullies is their parents. People think about this. If your child is the one doing the bullying, you are not doing him or her any favours by condoning this type of behaviour. It isn't good if your child has the capacity to hurt another child, whether verbally, physically or now in cyber space. You are giving your child a message, that other people mean nothing. And you are robbing your child of a chance for a normal and fufilling life! There is guilt that they will suffer. The best course of action is to stop it immediately if you see your child acting agressively towards others. I can guarantee you that it only gets worse. That is how criminal behaviour starts.
Since you are the parent, act accordingly and do your job. Parent the child and explain why bullying is so bad. Your children will listen to you. You got them thru potty training didn't you? This has reached epidemic proportions. And the next step is another Columbine. It has no business going that far. These are children that we are responsible for. And if you see bullying of any kind on a school playground, you should report it. Even if you don't have a child attending that school. Do your part!
If we all stick together we can end this. And until we stand up for the rights of our future generation by going to school trustees if need be, this problem will not go away on its own! Teaching the children doing the bullying, that this is inappropriate behaviour is the only way to stop it. And getting involved with the school board and the principal and the teachers and the trustees will direct their attention to something that absolutely cannot be tolerated.
I wish you all luck with your problems. All you have to do is follow the rules, that the school board has laid down, and this will solve alot of problems. And if worst comes to worst, there is always the police department. Just be sure to write down all that takes place so that you have a record of it. There is accountabilty here. And we are all responsible. My heart goes out to the parents who have lost their children because of bullies. I will keep you in my prayers. But honestly it should never get that far. If you know what is going on, give your children other options. There are ways to deal with aggresive behaviour that harm no one! After school activities that release the tension. Counselling if need be. The school's have counsellors that can help you.
Posted by: lynnhalate
Posted on: 2005-04-21 18:08:20
Always Remember...listen to your daughter. Our children, the victims, do not need to change, the bully and their groups need to be dealt with. 3 years ago, I tried everything, from telling my daughter to walk away, take it and smile, it was her fault, ,,and other things the school mentioned or recommended. Now, I know it was not her fault, and I wish I could go back and be there for her! I can't turn back time, but if it is just happening to you....have trust and faith in your child!
Support them! Love them! Believe them!
only at school : good start
Posted by: bacara
Posted on: 2005-04-26 11:24:40
It is a good start. Schools could do so much to help. The job of education would be well served to have this out of the picture. The next step would be to be able to have a productive diologe with the parents of the kids doing the doing. Not easy. If only they could see what a favor that is for their child to be corrected.
Struggling with it too.
Posted by: bacara
Posted on: 2005-04-26 11:24:40
It is a good start. Schools could do so much to help. The job of education would be well served to have this out of the picture. The next step would be to be able to have a productive diologe with the parents of the kids doing the doing. Not easy. If only they could see what a favor that is for their child to be corrected.
Struggling with it too.
Absolutely!
Posted by: annikasnow
Posted on: 2005-04-20 21:01:20
You are right, parents should be held accountable. Parents are held accountable if underage kids are drinking in their homes for example. There does need to be a "NO TOLERANCE" policy. I also think that there should be criminal consequences for kids that are harassing and threatening. Do we really need to keep waiting unitl another one of our children is SHOT while attending school!! Expulsion, juevinile detention halls, community service, protective orders. I can't believe these kids are getting away with using the internet and other electronics to harrass other kids. Freedom of speech? I know there isn't a handbook that comes along when you give birth but you'd think some of these parents would have some common sense!
With some of the comments that were shared by the guests today from the parents of the bullies it makes me believe that they were probably the "bully" at one time in their life.
Jackie
Posted by: annikasnow
Posted on: 2005-04-20 21:01:20
You are right, parents should be held accountable. Parents are held accountable if underage kids are drinking in their homes for example. There does need to be a "NO TOLERANCE" policy. I also think that there should be criminal consequences for kids that are harassing and threatening. Do we really need to keep waiting unitl another one of our children is SHOT while attending school!! Expulsion, juevinile detention halls, community service, protective orders. I can't believe these kids are getting away with using the internet and other electronics to harrass other kids. Freedom of speech? I know there isn't a handbook that comes along when you give birth but you'd think some of these parents would have some common sense!
With some of the comments that were shared by the guests today from the parents of the bullies it makes me believe that they were probably the "bully" at one time in their life.
Jackie
My daughter is a bully
Posted by: marciadi5
Posted on: 2005-04-20 13:57:43
It makes me so incredibly sad to watch shows like this and to hear people's stories. My 15 year old daughter has been a bully in the past and might still be. She has not learned it at home and she knows how unacceptable this is to us. She has gotten in trouble for this in school as well as at home. ISS, loss of passing periods at school. At home we ground her, take away priviledges, etc. The school does a pretty good job trying to squash down the bullies, but I'm sure there are some not noticed. I just wanted you to know that not all parents think their children can do no wrong and we fully expect her to take responsibility for her actions. I really wish I knew what caused this. I have asked her, why is her self esteem so low that she must bully others so she can feel better. Of course, this is denied, but I'm sure that is part of the reason. Sorry, Marcia.
Posted by: marciadi5
Posted on: 2005-04-20 13:57:43
It makes me so incredibly sad to watch shows like this and to hear people's stories. My 15 year old daughter has been a bully in the past and might still be. She has not learned it at home and she knows how unacceptable this is to us. She has gotten in trouble for this in school as well as at home. ISS, loss of passing periods at school. At home we ground her, take away priviledges, etc. The school does a pretty good job trying to squash down the bullies, but I'm sure there are some not noticed. I just wanted you to know that not all parents think their children can do no wrong and we fully expect her to take responsibility for her actions. I really wish I knew what caused this. I have asked her, why is her self esteem so low that she must bully others so she can feel better. Of course, this is denied, but I'm sure that is part of the reason. Sorry, Marcia.
Good for you
Posted by: shakira25
Posted on: 2005-04-20 14:16:37
marciadi5
I just want to say good for you to admit that..It takes a big person to admit somthing like that about their child..My son is being bullied right now and one of the problems is that the parents of the bully think he can do no wrong, and choose to pin their promblems on the victim of their childs bullying..I am not saying my son is perfect..yes he has a tendancy to lie, like most kids.But he is deffinatly no bully..I think your doing the right thing with your daughter by not turning a blind eye..So good for you and I hope all goes well with your daughter!!!Keep being an involved parent:-)
Posted by: shakira25
Posted on: 2005-04-20 14:16:37
marciadi5
I just want to say good for you to admit that..It takes a big person to admit somthing like that about their child..My son is being bullied right now and one of the problems is that the parents of the bully think he can do no wrong, and choose to pin their promblems on the victim of their childs bullying..I am not saying my son is perfect..yes he has a tendancy to lie, like most kids.But he is deffinatly no bully..I think your doing the right thing with your daughter by not turning a blind eye..So good for you and I hope all goes well with your daughter!!!Keep being an involved parent:-)
