02/03 The Doctor, The Wife, and The Mistress

Oh my!
Posted by: imamosaic
Posted on: 2005-01-31 18:48:58

Oh my Kandi I expected the O/W to be BO Derek! What a shock! If your husband every wakes up from what ever trans he's in he's going to just go crazy if he loses you to her!

Good lucky Kandi you deserve better but I do understand if you love him and just want to stay and try and work things out. He may be a doctor but you are the real prize here, just remember that.
Why are the OW's looks relevant?
Posted by: groovyveg
Posted on: 2005-02-03 13:23:20

The comments from you & others re. the other woman's looks seem to imply that women who are better looking are somehow more valuable "commodities" compared to women who are not as good looking. Other than trying to assess the husband's motivation for being with her, I don't understand why the OW's looks are being commented on.
ow's looks...
Posted by: poetgirl86
Posted on: 2005-02-03 13:43:06

I agree! Dr. Phil should have stepped up to the plate to use his moderating skills in that situation!
Right on the money!!
Posted by: bthomas57
Posted on: 2005-02-03 16:42:59

Great comment. Everyone else is hung up on this woman's look...Perhaps Ed doesn't care about her looks, perhaps it's her personality!!!
I agree bthomas
Posted by: the14u
Posted on: 2005-02-03 17:32:52

I think Ed was looking for physical and not "just a pretty face". I'm of the mind that both persons in this marriage did something to push the other away. Kandi didn't mean to push her husband away, but maybe that's just what happen.
REPEAT INFIDELITY AND MALIGNANT SELF LOVE
Posted by: anon_slc
Posted on: 2005-02-03 20:31:26

People who experience narcissism in themselves or in others now have a guide to help them steer through the storm. A couple of good books relating to this topic:

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier

Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss and James Masterson

Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn into their perilous orbit, and what you can do to break free.
Yes Run from them
Posted by: jade5951
Posted on: 2005-02-20 12:50:15

I dated a man for 5 yrs with narcisstic personality disorder. I fell for him like I never fell for any other man before. He was manipulative, the relationship was all about him, If it was good for him then it was good. At the beginning he treated me like a queen and thats what made be stay with him. But I then seen the true colors, lies, cheating, money, It was a eye opener, and I do believe people should be ware of this disorder. You can't change them and you can talk until your blue in the face. I found out later in our relationship that if he cared for me as much as himself I would of been a very happy women. Like Dr. Phil says you miss the person you wanted him to be not the person he was. It was all a act to pull me into himself and then just manipulate my love for him.
So Right
Posted by: bquaye
Posted on: 2005-02-04 01:52:52

I agree with you!!! I was outraged when Kandi "felt bettter" because the OW was not as pretty as her. If it were me I'd feel worse. Her husband wants to be loved and isn't getting it at home. Kandi herself even said it when she said no woman in her right mind would have sex 7 months pregnate. Well Kandi, a woman who loves her husband does. Have any of you even thought that Ed was looking for someone to love him because he wasn't getting it from the "beautiful" woman who promised to when they got married. Ed should have left her a long time ago.
re bquaye
Posted by: savanasmom
Posted on: 2005-02-04 09:08:53

Kandi said that no woman in her right mind would have sex at 7 months pregnant?? My husband and I had sex up until 2 days before our daughter was born. Pregnancy doesn't mean the end of sex.
Sex while pregnant...
Posted by: blackrio
Posted on: 2005-02-05 00:06:30

I thought I was the only one to catch this. For me, sex during my last pregnancy was wonderful and was active right up to the day before I was induced. But I think this hints to the disconnection each was feeling during the marriage.
sex
Posted by: mweberg
Posted on: 2005-02-07 10:16:55

I had the same reaction. Too many wemon use this as an excuse. That could explain over population. LOL

Posted by: kwdgal
Posted on: 2005-02-07 23:00:08

I think that she really dosn't view things the way she said them. I just think she is so hurt that critizing HER husband having sex with his lover was the only way she knew at that time to respond. You know she had sex with ED when she was pregnant with all three of their boys. She is just so hurt, that hurting ED and the OW with her words is all she can do.
mis-understood
Posted by: f16first
Posted on: 2005-02-10 09:21:05

I think what the wife meant is it was with her husband's mistress, could you handle that?? I do not believe that she meant if she herself(with her husband) were 7 mo pregnant that it would be a problem. I mean just put yourself in her shoes with kids at home.
must agree 7 months pregnant
Posted by: mommy1520
Posted on: 2005-02-07 13:29:34

I must agree there is nothing wrong with having sex at 7 months pregnant. What was she thinking??? Matter of fact it makes me feel like my husband still wants me at 7 monts pregnant and fat. Maybe she never read the pregnancy books. If you love someone it doesn't matter how pregnant you are when you have sex.
TMI
Posted by: no_wire_ha
Posted on: 2005-02-11 15:32:28

I think of the baby's head 'there'. I wasnt entirely abstinent during pregnancy but that far pregnant I was too aware of the baby being 'there'.
Give me a break!
Posted by: ctmom2boys
Posted on: 2005-02-04 11:28:20

Oh puhleeze, now your justifying infidelity by saying Ed "just wanted the love he wasn't getting at home"? How do you know that? What a crock, how much love was Kandi getting?

PS, I have been happily married to a wonderful man for 20 years, and we didn't have sex when I was 7 months pregnant. Not either of my pregnancies. I just didn't feel like it, I was uncomfortable, it didn't mean I didn't love my husband.

You make it sound as though that's a license to cheat.

I agree that Ed should have left her a long time ago, before he had 3 children with her and before the world revolved around him rather than his family...
Sex does not mean love
Posted by: lennis1
Posted on: 2005-02-04 23:14:48

I completely agree with that. Just because you aren't having sex with someone doesn't mean you don't love them. There should be other outlets to show your love. If sex is all Ed's after then that's not true love. You can't accuse Kandi of not showing him love when Ed is not doing his part as a husband.
Married Life
Posted by: mspraise3
Posted on: 2005-02-05 16:31:55

I have been disappointed by some of the posts I have read regarding this sitution. There are NO EXCUSE for a man to cheat on his wife NONE. But if anyone has been married for longer than 5 minutes we all know that there are ups and downs in marriage. We don't always feel in love all the time there are times when we have to work at the relationship and the marriage. I had a very difficult pregnancy and difficult birth and my husband and I did not have sex for 15 months straight. Did he go off and cheat on me NO. I was expecting our child and it was difficult he loved me, supported me and waited until I was well enough to give to him in that side of our relationship. The absence of sex made our relationship stronger. All I am trying to say is that marriage is about the good times and the bad times - thats is what makes the marriage. If you are just looking for highs all the time then you are never gonna make it in the marriage field.

I respect Kandi for trying to make a go of her marriage even after all the mess that the husband has brought into their lives because no matter how you look at it - he was the one that broke the marriage vows and in my book there is no excuse for that. I have to say though after all the things he has said to her and done to her - letting another other woman sleep in her bed while she was visiting her dying father - I found that a little hard to take - I think I would have told him where to go but now. I am surprised by how much Kandi is willing to put up with his coming and going and saying he has feelings still for the other woman - all those just would not do for me. But like I said I respect her for trying.

To Ed if you don't love your wife anymore don't let her do your dirty work for you be a MAN and end your marriage and then move on and be with whomever you want to be with and end the misery for your family.

Ladies we should be supportive to Kandi there really is no EXCUSE for a husband or wife for that matter to cheat - I don't care what you look like in the morning or how big you becoming having their children - thats married life you need to be open with each other and communicate how you are really feeling about these issues.

Kandi stay strong and I hope you can come out of this situation without being too bitter.

God Bless
:) Thank you
Posted by: missyloo79
Posted on: 2005-02-07 08:56:44

I agree totally. We dont know how we would react unless we were in Kandi's shoes. I dont care what the situation was, he had no right to do the things he has done to her. If he wasnt happy he should of left and quit playing her the way he has been. Its sad, but she loves him and he is playing on that love. He knows what he can get bye with. I just pray she can think about her self for once. I feel no sympathy for him. He had no right bringing her to thier home. Its hard to feel sorry for someone after that. So I think people need to lay off Kandi.
Gimme a break
Posted by: bluedane23
Posted on: 2005-02-09 16:49:17

Wrong. I know exactly how I would react, I would kick him out of the house for good! Ed has no respect for Kandi and now I know why? She has no respect for herself. She is trying to compete with the OW. Its not love she feels for Ed. If it were real love she would cut him lose and let him go and pursue happiness elsewhere...thank God, Kandi has no daughters because she'd make a real bad role model for them. She should just bend over while she's at it...and Ed still wouldn't want her. Men like women who love and respect themselves. What the heck is she a woman or a cockroach? Truly embarrassing.

There is no way this marriage is going to work because Ed doesn't love or respect her period. She can try all she wants and she could even allow Ed to see the OW and still he wouldn't want her. Why, because she's too submissive and men hate that. Just wait and see.