01/25 Adoption, Part 3
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Posted by: bnksix
Posted on: 2005-01-23 10:32:52
Unfortunately I was not able to watch the show where the adoptive parents wanted to send their adopted son back to India. I can't even describe the feelings that I had when I heard this. How could someone take a precious, innocent child into their home knowing the responsibility that it carries and then want to send that child away?
I am a biological child of two wonderful people who adopted 2 children from Korea about 35 years ago. These two people are truly my sister and brother and I would never trade either for the world. I never really think that they are adopted because they've always been a part of my life. People always tell me that I must have a really different life. Why? I have siblings just like anyone else! We just don't look alike (which is true for a lot of siblings!). My sister/brother and I actually have fun with it sometimes. I'll introduce my sister and people won't believe us that we are sisters. It gets to the point that we tell them that we're twins. My sister throws in that she's just the prettier one.
My family is my world. I'm extremely proud of my parents for adopting - even when others had their own opinions. I guess people would ask "Why do you want to do something like that?" My answer would be "Why not!"
My husband and I have not been able to have children and considered adopting at one point. We've decided against adopting for the simple fact that we are almost 40 years old. We didn't want to have to worry about college for our kids when we were 58 years old and thinking about retirement. This was definately the right choice for us and our lives together. Because of this, I have become a part of the Big Brother/Big Sister organization and have just met a little girl. Hopefully it will turn into a great mentoring relationship.
I just want to tell people who are considering adoption to please think this through carefully. It's not only their lives that will change. Most importantly, it is the life of a child that will change. They need to (as Dr. Phil would say), "wear" this decision for a while. As they go through their day to day activities, consider what it would be like if that child were with them.
I can only hope that someone might read this and comprehend just a fraction of what I'm saying.
KW in SC
Posted by: bnksix
Posted on: 2005-01-23 10:32:52
Unfortunately I was not able to watch the show where the adoptive parents wanted to send their adopted son back to India. I can't even describe the feelings that I had when I heard this. How could someone take a precious, innocent child into their home knowing the responsibility that it carries and then want to send that child away?
I am a biological child of two wonderful people who adopted 2 children from Korea about 35 years ago. These two people are truly my sister and brother and I would never trade either for the world. I never really think that they are adopted because they've always been a part of my life. People always tell me that I must have a really different life. Why? I have siblings just like anyone else! We just don't look alike (which is true for a lot of siblings!). My sister/brother and I actually have fun with it sometimes. I'll introduce my sister and people won't believe us that we are sisters. It gets to the point that we tell them that we're twins. My sister throws in that she's just the prettier one.
My family is my world. I'm extremely proud of my parents for adopting - even when others had their own opinions. I guess people would ask "Why do you want to do something like that?" My answer would be "Why not!"
My husband and I have not been able to have children and considered adopting at one point. We've decided against adopting for the simple fact that we are almost 40 years old. We didn't want to have to worry about college for our kids when we were 58 years old and thinking about retirement. This was definately the right choice for us and our lives together. Because of this, I have become a part of the Big Brother/Big Sister organization and have just met a little girl. Hopefully it will turn into a great mentoring relationship.
I just want to tell people who are considering adoption to please think this through carefully. It's not only their lives that will change. Most importantly, it is the life of a child that will change. They need to (as Dr. Phil would say), "wear" this decision for a while. As they go through their day to day activities, consider what it would be like if that child were with them.
I can only hope that someone might read this and comprehend just a fraction of what I'm saying.
KW in SC
Adoption Abusers
Posted by: shenorton
Posted on: 2005-01-23 15:49:45
Melissa and Bobby should not be able to keep AJ, PERIOD. He deserves much better than they. She is too unrealistic to expect him to adapt to them within the "2 month statistical timeframe". Please, please consider placing him in a home where his problems are not a factor and he can get the love, care and devotion that he deserves. These people are NOT parental material. If something should happen to one of their daughters and they require long-term care and therapy, will Bobby and Melissa try to send them back to the lab??
SN in SJC
Posted by: shenorton
Posted on: 2005-01-23 15:49:45
Melissa and Bobby should not be able to keep AJ, PERIOD. He deserves much better than they. She is too unrealistic to expect him to adapt to them within the "2 month statistical timeframe". Please, please consider placing him in a home where his problems are not a factor and he can get the love, care and devotion that he deserves. These people are NOT parental material. If something should happen to one of their daughters and they require long-term care and therapy, will Bobby and Melissa try to send them back to the lab??
SN in SJC
AGREES
Posted by: sarefina
Posted on: 2005-01-24 23:09:48
I AGREE WITH YOU SHENORTON. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS COUPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO KEEP THIS LITTLE BOY...AND I ALWAYS BELIEVE NO MATTER WHAT SHE MIGHT SAY SHE WILL NEVER LOVE THIS LITTLE BOY LIKE HE DESERVES...SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE JUST TO SELFISH TO HAVE CHILDREN PERIOD. AND I BELIEVE THIS LITTLE BOY IS STILL BEING ABUSED IN THIS HOME...
SARAH IN OREGON
Posted by: sarefina
Posted on: 2005-01-24 23:09:48
I AGREE WITH YOU SHENORTON. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS COUPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO KEEP THIS LITTLE BOY...AND I ALWAYS BELIEVE NO MATTER WHAT SHE MIGHT SAY SHE WILL NEVER LOVE THIS LITTLE BOY LIKE HE DESERVES...SHE AND HER HUSBAND ARE JUST TO SELFISH TO HAVE CHILDREN PERIOD. AND I BELIEVE THIS LITTLE BOY IS STILL BEING ABUSED IN THIS HOME...
SARAH IN OREGON
Strongly Agrees
Posted by: avery1966
Posted on: 2005-01-25 18:10:28
I agree that this couple should not be allowed to do any further dameage to this poor child. It REALLY hit home for me because I was an adopted child who "did'nt live up the adopted mothers expectations". You can only imagine the anger I felt hearing the things she says & does to that poor child. I really took me back, back where I don't like to go. My adopted mother told me many times she wished she hadn't adopted me. She told me I was good for nothing. a devil child, a demon,worthless. Told me I didnt deserve to play with my friends because I didnt do anything to deserve that privilage, even though I made my bed, vacumed, dusted, did the laundry from washing to drying to folding & putting away, set the table, cleared the table, did the dishes, put them away, took out the trash & so on. I was spanked, slapped, degraded, or grounded on a weekly basis, sometimes daily. Growing up under these conditions I feel has ruined me to be able to function as a normal part of society. I have insecurity , & anger isuses that I cant seem to overcome that I feel stemed from my upbringing. Anyway I am going into to much here. I just wanted to let people know what it does to the child to be raised like that. It permantly damages the child. There life will never be the same. So to any parrents out here doing these things to your child, please take a step back & think of what your actions are doing. Like doctor Phil said " It is the parrent's OBLIGATION to give un-conditional love to their children"
Struggling in Iowa
Posted by: avery1966
Posted on: 2005-01-25 18:10:28
I agree that this couple should not be allowed to do any further dameage to this poor child. It REALLY hit home for me because I was an adopted child who "did'nt live up the adopted mothers expectations". You can only imagine the anger I felt hearing the things she says & does to that poor child. I really took me back, back where I don't like to go. My adopted mother told me many times she wished she hadn't adopted me. She told me I was good for nothing. a devil child, a demon,worthless. Told me I didnt deserve to play with my friends because I didnt do anything to deserve that privilage, even though I made my bed, vacumed, dusted, did the laundry from washing to drying to folding & putting away, set the table, cleared the table, did the dishes, put them away, took out the trash & so on. I was spanked, slapped, degraded, or grounded on a weekly basis, sometimes daily. Growing up under these conditions I feel has ruined me to be able to function as a normal part of society. I have insecurity , & anger isuses that I cant seem to overcome that I feel stemed from my upbringing. Anyway I am going into to much here. I just wanted to let people know what it does to the child to be raised like that. It permantly damages the child. There life will never be the same. So to any parrents out here doing these things to your child, please take a step back & think of what your actions are doing. Like doctor Phil said " It is the parrent's OBLIGATION to give un-conditional love to their children"
Struggling in Iowa
Posted by: jennifermn
Posted on: 2005-01-28 10:39:06
My heart was breaking reading your story! I do not know how a parent, adopted or otherwise, can treat a child like that! I think it goes beyond the fact that you were adopted. I think they must have had problems long before you came and deeper than anyone can imagine! It is amazing that you made it through your childhood and to be able to make the realizations you have made in adulthood! After hearing so many heartwrenching stories, it makes me want to scoop up my kids and love and appreciate them more than I do already! Kids are a blessing. Parents need to love and cherish every moment we have with them, because they grow up so fast! Thank you for sharing your story! I hope you are able to overcome your issues and stay a strong person capable of loving!
Jennifer, MD
reply to you, avery
Posted by: daddledo
Posted on: 2005-01-29 20:04:24
I'm sorry for your ordeal. But this couple sought help and shouldn't be judged because they WANTED to love AJ, but didn't know how too. Please don't fault them from stepping out and taking action for their ignorance. At least they claim the problem and sought to resolve it. They may be painted ill, but they came out as roses. They love AJ and he loves them. That's what is more important, not prejudices. I enjoy the updates Dr. Phil shows. ~~daddledo~~
Posted by: daddledo
Posted on: 2005-01-29 20:04:24
I'm sorry for your ordeal. But this couple sought help and shouldn't be judged because they WANTED to love AJ, but didn't know how too. Please don't fault them from stepping out and taking action for their ignorance. At least they claim the problem and sought to resolve it. They may be painted ill, but they came out as roses. They love AJ and he loves them. That's what is more important, not prejudices. I enjoy the updates Dr. Phil shows. ~~daddledo~~
Can Relate
Posted by: emmdavis
Posted on: 2005-07-05 11:33:59
Yes, Iowa.. I totally agree with you. I was adopted.. told I was adopted.. then made to feel like crap the rest of my life. I deal with insecurity on a daily basis.. low self esteem... what Melissa is doing to that poor boy literally makes me sick to my stomach. I hope they end up losing everything they have to pay for the therapy sessions AJ will need if he stays with them.
Posted by: emmdavis
Posted on: 2005-07-05 11:33:59
Yes, Iowa.. I totally agree with you. I was adopted.. told I was adopted.. then made to feel like crap the rest of my life. I deal with insecurity on a daily basis.. low self esteem... what Melissa is doing to that poor boy literally makes me sick to my stomach. I hope they end up losing everything they have to pay for the therapy sessions AJ will need if he stays with them.
reply to sarefina
Posted by: daddledo
Posted on: 2005-01-29 20:04:24
whoa, girl. calm down. You don't resolve problems with anger. However, I would have at one time agreed with you about the parents character, however when Dr. Phil did the update. He found how serious this couple was by their action to his suggestion. They did bond with AJ and there is love. People are human and designed to make mistakes (thanks to sin). ~~daddledo~~
Posted by: daddledo
Posted on: 2005-01-29 20:04:24
whoa, girl. calm down. You don't resolve problems with anger. However, I would have at one time agreed with you about the parents character, however when Dr. Phil did the update. He found how serious this couple was by their action to his suggestion. They did bond with AJ and there is love. People are human and designed to make mistakes (thanks to sin). ~~daddledo~~
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
Posted by: ninfazent
Posted on: 2005-07-05 13:42:56
Oh my God Sarah...have some compassion ...everyone has the right to goof...and it was very brave for them to come to the show and tell DR.PHIL How they felt about their adopted son and wanting to get some help...at first I just could not believe what I was hearing...but at the same time I knew Dr. Phil will let them have it and offer them a very much needed help. I am glad for that little boy that they got Dr. Phil involved. God Bless Dr. PHil.
Posted by: ninfazent
Posted on: 2005-07-05 13:42:56
Oh my God Sarah...have some compassion ...everyone has the right to goof...and it was very brave for them to come to the show and tell DR.PHIL How they felt about their adopted son and wanting to get some help...at first I just could not believe what I was hearing...but at the same time I knew Dr. Phil will let them have it and offer them a very much needed help. I am glad for that little boy that they got Dr. Phil involved. God Bless Dr. PHil.
Posted by: s_genaille
Posted on: 2005-01-25 09:55:43
I agree. I call the relationship with the child that they share is abuse. When I heard this story I cried. I picked up my daughter and treated her for a couple hours by playing with her. Bobby and Melissa don't deserve this child.
SG in Canada
i'm with ya!
Posted by: mamaru
Posted on: 2005-01-25 12:43:14
i agree that melissa and bobby should have aj taken from their custody. dr. phil's such a nice guy to try to rehabilitate the mess they made of themselves on the former show. they don't deserve it. i suppose the doc knows best, but if i were a birth mother, i'd sell my corneas to get my child back from people like melissa and bobby. no matter how "penitent" they appeared to be, i can't imagine it will be long before the thrill is gone. and i have no doubt that their own children will take precedence over aj forever. nice try, dr. phil, but i don't believe any amount of counseling will turn these two around--they may look like they are "reformed", but i think a leopoard doesn't change it's spots...or in this case: a snake may shed it's skin, but it's still a cold-blooded reptile.
Posted by: mamaru
Posted on: 2005-01-25 12:43:14
i agree that melissa and bobby should have aj taken from their custody. dr. phil's such a nice guy to try to rehabilitate the mess they made of themselves on the former show. they don't deserve it. i suppose the doc knows best, but if i were a birth mother, i'd sell my corneas to get my child back from people like melissa and bobby. no matter how "penitent" they appeared to be, i can't imagine it will be long before the thrill is gone. and i have no doubt that their own children will take precedence over aj forever. nice try, dr. phil, but i don't believe any amount of counseling will turn these two around--they may look like they are "reformed", but i think a leopoard doesn't change it's spots...or in this case: a snake may shed it's skin, but it's still a cold-blooded reptile.
I agree...
Posted by: mscolumbus
Posted on: 2005-01-25 16:03:32
I saw this when it was on the first time and have not forgot about it. When I turned Dr. Phil on today and saw the follow up I was curious to see what had happened. Just seeing Melissa's face makes me furious. All of a sudden their lives are fine with AJ?! I find that hard to believe. I hope someone keeps an eye on them. Bless this little boys heart. What a tragedy that he ended up with these people. I would love for him to be a part of my family. I feel so sorry for him. I only pray things are truly better for him, but he will never receive the love in that house like Bobby and Melissa's daughters. How sad!
Posted by: mscolumbus
Posted on: 2005-01-25 16:03:32
I saw this when it was on the first time and have not forgot about it. When I turned Dr. Phil on today and saw the follow up I was curious to see what had happened. Just seeing Melissa's face makes me furious. All of a sudden their lives are fine with AJ?! I find that hard to believe. I hope someone keeps an eye on them. Bless this little boys heart. What a tragedy that he ended up with these people. I would love for him to be a part of my family. I feel so sorry for him. I only pray things are truly better for him, but he will never receive the love in that house like Bobby and Melissa's daughters. How sad!
A Miracle
Posted by: desireesmu
Posted on: 2005-01-25 19:00:00
My husband and I are firm believers that every child is a miracle. Coming from two people who absolutely love children and can't have any, I'd say that Melissa and Bobby are very selfish. When you are chosen to adopt a child, you're given a gift, an option to love, and a full and rewarding future. Children are, in our eyes...the best thing that can happen to anyone. We both feel that AJ should be removed from this home. What happens if he eventually does adjust to the home and Melissa and Bobby decide to keep him...and then he sees this show?? What kind of message is that going to send to him? I know that as a parent...people either know or don't know if a child is working in their home. We are both looking at AJ's story with awe. Please remove that child from that home. Melissa and Bobby are crying out for help...all you have to do is listen and you can hear it!! He deserves a patient, loving, warm and welcoming family!!
Jason & Desiree
Connecticut
Posted by: desireesmu
Posted on: 2005-01-25 19:00:00
My husband and I are firm believers that every child is a miracle. Coming from two people who absolutely love children and can't have any, I'd say that Melissa and Bobby are very selfish. When you are chosen to adopt a child, you're given a gift, an option to love, and a full and rewarding future. Children are, in our eyes...the best thing that can happen to anyone. We both feel that AJ should be removed from this home. What happens if he eventually does adjust to the home and Melissa and Bobby decide to keep him...and then he sees this show?? What kind of message is that going to send to him? I know that as a parent...people either know or don't know if a child is working in their home. We are both looking at AJ's story with awe. Please remove that child from that home. Melissa and Bobby are crying out for help...all you have to do is listen and you can hear it!! He deserves a patient, loving, warm and welcoming family!!
Jason & Desiree
Connecticut
That is wrong
Posted by: jennyowes
Posted on: 2005-01-26 12:44:53
I cant believe you people sit at your computers and judge these people when you saw 15 minutes of their life. Dr Phil does shows all the time about natural parents that cant bond with their own children. A bunch of hypocrites I mean. Sitting up there on your throne of judgement acting like it would be so easy for you to bring a person into your home and instantly love them. Not even knowing any past about that person. Get off your high horses and let these people try to make a relationship with this child. Obviously they did not want to feel that way or they would never have asked Dr. Phil for help and tried what he suggested. I say to them keep trying, and by no means listen to the people on these post. The more of these posts I read the more I realize you women are cruel and apparently dont listen to anything Dr. Phil says. Yall sit there and quote what a gift children are from god but then you judge and judge and judge. Yall need to back up and look at yourselves before trying to judge someone else...........
Posted by: jennyowes
Posted on: 2005-01-26 12:44:53
I cant believe you people sit at your computers and judge these people when you saw 15 minutes of their life. Dr Phil does shows all the time about natural parents that cant bond with their own children. A bunch of hypocrites I mean. Sitting up there on your throne of judgement acting like it would be so easy for you to bring a person into your home and instantly love them. Not even knowing any past about that person. Get off your high horses and let these people try to make a relationship with this child. Obviously they did not want to feel that way or they would never have asked Dr. Phil for help and tried what he suggested. I say to them keep trying, and by no means listen to the people on these post. The more of these posts I read the more I realize you women are cruel and apparently dont listen to anything Dr. Phil says. Yall sit there and quote what a gift children are from god but then you judge and judge and judge. Yall need to back up and look at yourselves before trying to judge someone else...........
What about attachment disorder. I agree w/ you
Posted by: racyst
Posted on: 2005-01-26 13:11:42
I agree with you on this. Sending A.J. back to his country would only hurt the child. I have a adopted child with attachment disorder because she was sent from place to place. They are seeking help in finding information to help with this child.
Posted by: racyst
Posted on: 2005-01-26 13:11:42
I agree with you on this. Sending A.J. back to his country would only hurt the child. I have a adopted child with attachment disorder because she was sent from place to place. They are seeking help in finding information to help with this child.
Attachment disorder
Posted by: barb2371
Posted on: 2005-01-26 15:59:08
racqst, I agree with you completely. I also have a child with attachment disorder and it can be extremely difficult and challening to parent a child with the disorder.
I unfortunely missed the show (except for the ending) and was wondering if in fact this child does have this disorder or if it is just a thought.
Thanks
Posted by: barb2371
Posted on: 2005-01-26 15:59:08
racqst, I agree with you completely. I also have a child with attachment disorder and it can be extremely difficult and challening to parent a child with the disorder.
I unfortunely missed the show (except for the ending) and was wondering if in fact this child does have this disorder or if it is just a thought.
Thanks
To those with a RAD child...
Posted by: nancyadn
Posted on: 2005-01-27 09:40:30
You don't have to take this journey alone. Check out the Attachment Disorder Network at www.radzebra.org and let us help you as you therapeutically parent your very challenging children! We all know how hard this is, and how ISOLATING. We have families with kids with MILD attachment issues as well as families parenting very disturbed kids. Check us out--we are a non-profit dedicated to families just like yours.
Nancy (nancy@radzebra.org)
Posted by: nancyadn
Posted on: 2005-01-27 09:40:30
You don't have to take this journey alone. Check out the Attachment Disorder Network at www.radzebra.org and let us help you as you therapeutically parent your very challenging children! We all know how hard this is, and how ISOLATING. We have families with kids with MILD attachment issues as well as families parenting very disturbed kids. Check us out--we are a non-profit dedicated to families just like yours.
Nancy (nancy@radzebra.org)
Thanks
Posted by: racyst
Posted on: 2005-01-28 11:49:12
I will check out your web site I am always working to help my daughter with her issues. Thanks Stacy
Posted by: racyst
Posted on: 2005-01-28 11:49:12
I will check out your web site I am always working to help my daughter with her issues. Thanks Stacy
agree with both arguements
Posted by: anothervio
Posted on: 2005-04-24 20:58:12
I think the treatment they are giving the boy is terrible and I don't think they've made as much of a 180 and they facade, but I think they are sincere in their efforts and even though the way they treated him is wrong it would only make his attatchment problems worse to send him elsewhere. Who is to say the next set wouldn't do the same thing? Dr Phil is a pro, he can tell when people are sincere.
Posted by: anothervio
Posted on: 2005-04-24 20:58:12
I think the treatment they are giving the boy is terrible and I don't think they've made as much of a 180 and they facade, but I think they are sincere in their efforts and even though the way they treated him is wrong it would only make his attatchment problems worse to send him elsewhere. Who is to say the next set wouldn't do the same thing? Dr Phil is a pro, he can tell when people are sincere.
