07/04 Adoption, Part 2

Amanda's question valid
Posted by: leann1015
Posted on: 2005-01-13 09:06:44

I thought Amanda was showing a great deal of maturity when she expressed her concern about Jack and Jill loving both children equally if they didn't arrive at the same time. This was especially significant after witnessing the story of Bobby and Melissa and their inability to love A.J. I'm in no way comparing Jack and Jill to Bobby and Melissa or trying to suggest that they won't have enough love for two babies. But I think it would be wise of both Amandas to ask Jack and Jill how they think they would be affected if either baby isn't what they expect....what if one has learning difficulites or physical impairments or emotional issues? I think both Amandas seem genuinely committed to making the best match for their babies and I Jack and Jill appear to be a very loving couple and I wish them all the very best.
I agree...
Posted by: beckybjb
Posted on: 2005-01-13 11:34:57

Meeting, loving, and caring for two new babies at the same time would be hard on the parents, but also harder on the babies. Every baby ( and child for that matter, needs to be loved entirely and individually as much as possible.

Posted by: chelle9700
Posted on: 2005-01-13 17:29:41

I feel it is no different than if they were to have twins each child is different and loved the same way. I think that Jack and Jill have enough love for more than 2 babies.
Where is Melissa?Bobby?
Posted by: chekymnky
Posted on: 2005-01-13 18:36:39

I see that they are not on here defending their useless selves. Hopefully Dr Phil will see that their kids need to be removed to a safe loving home, and these ungrateful parents should be locked up! I hope they are reading this, believe me, this is the tip of the iceberg. Everyone I have talked to about this show were absolutely appalled by this couple's behavior.
Where is Melissa & Bobby.
Posted by: barnnancy
Posted on: 2005-01-13 19:38:34

These people are monsters! My heart was breaking for that little boy that is their victim. People treat animals better than these two goons are treating this child. God, I hope the child is taken from them.
We will love him!
Posted by: margsand99
Posted on: 2005-01-13 21:05:56

My husband & I have been unable to conceive, even w/ some medical intervention. Due to the cost of medical procedures, we have also been unable to save for adoption. Melissa & Bobby: Call me, I will give you my address. My husband & I would be happy to love him.
Wonderful!
Posted by: shal416
Posted on: 2005-01-13 21:27:07

I was just thinking that there must be hundreds of loving couples out there who are willing to love this child endlessly. I hope that you will email Dr. Phil and he will take your wishes seriously.
I believe that what her plan
Posted by: chante928
Posted on: 2005-01-14 01:27:37

I am convinced this couple came here to announce their feelings and regret towards this child that THEY chose to adopt and realized he isn't what they expected. I believe she hoped to put her story on National TV, and count on a loving family, desperate to have a child would see this and do whatever they could to take this child off their hands. The sad thing is, I really believe they would rather that happen then to have them and Dr Phil make every effort possible for this couple to bond with this child. Personally, this couple does not deserve this child, this wonderful gift. I don't blame him one bit for not wanting to get close, and I certainly don't blame him for not trusting them. That woman was evil and extremely selfish. I am mortified to think at one point she thought she couldn't have children anymore, so she turned to the adoption system, where there are thousands of parents hoping to find a child and this couple was blessed and given the opportunity, only to find out she ended up getting pregnant, now this adopted child isn't living up to their expectations, so lets send him back?!?!! Shame on them!!! I would take that child in a heartbeat if I could and show him love and do all I could to gain his trust and love in return. That lady doesn't know a gift when she sees it apparently. If I were the adoption agency and I saw her on TV, I'd do everything in my power to remove that child from that family immediately and place him with a family who would love to have him....enough said.
You are right
Posted by: milanna
Posted on: 2005-01-14 08:41:05

I have never written to Dr. Phil's message board before today but I was compelled to do so after seeing this terrible woman who has mistreated this adopted child and gone on TV and exposed herself. It did not occur to me until I read your message that her intent all along was to draw national attention to her problem and have Dr. Phil solve it. Dr. Phil, do you honestly believe that this woman wants to love this child? She wants nothing more than to return him, she should have purchased him at Nordstrom's .... I hope and pray that this child will indeed be taken away from this family and put into a family who will love HIM, and not expect to be loved BY him. As for the children she birthed, God help them. She is obviously the kind of person who has children to provide for HER emotional needs, not theirs. All she cares about is the love she will RECEIVE from a child, not the love a parent should GIVE to the child. She is a very needy and demanding person. What kind of monster could resent the bonding that began to take place between her husband and this beautiful child? We can only hope that Dr. Phil has opened the door for a truly loving and giving family to ultimately provide the proper home for this young boy. Thank you Dr. Phil for all that you do for so many ...
and what a beautiful moment when you united that adopted woman with her biological mother. Beautiful for them... and also it showed these young mothers that the act of giving up their children for adoption to a loving family is truly an act of love.
your comments
Posted by: loooop
Posted on: 2005-01-14 12:23:59

Your message said everything I wanted to say. I have never written on a message board either but this show got to me. Ive never seen such two cold hearted people in my life. I have a special needs son and I thank god every day for him.Thank you for such a great message and I hope that horrible couple reads it.
ditto & double ditto
Posted by: janice_214
Posted on: 2005-01-14 20:28:15

This is my first post, too. I had never visited the website before seeing the show with AJ & those monsters who have him.

Yes, I wish Dr. Phil could correct this gross miscariage of adoption/parenting but at the same time I realize he is not 'all powerful.' Maybe he will be able to direct us to orchestrate a FREE AJ campaign?

I would sign up for that project.

regards,
J
Stunned
Posted by: sandykpd
Posted on: 2005-01-14 22:01:01

A first post for me too.
My 22 year old daughter (adopted) and I watched the show about AJ. To say the least, we were appalled at his "parents" behavior. My daughter said " these kind of people are the ones that give adoption a bad name". She is right.
Where is the agency that placed this little boy? I wonder what kind of home studies were done? Were their any follow-up, after placement visits done? If any of this was done, these people would not have the "problem". They wouldn't have made it past the first week of parenting AJ! Someone out there has made a HUGE mistake and there is a child that isn't to blame paying the consequences.
Heartbroken 2
Posted by: teeners73
Posted on: 2005-01-14 23:07:43

I am also an adoptive mommy and this story just about broke my heart. Yes, we all get frustrated with our children at one time or another, but just the look on that child's face brought me to tears. I am sure he knows he is different and feels isolated even at his young age. Someone mentioned that they felt sorry for her bio children. I have a bad feeling that he is the only one treated like this. My hubby and I went through the inspection of a lifetime to get approved to adopt. I agree with you and your daughter...how in heck did they get approved? They DEFINITELY do give adoption a bad name! It was also apparent to me that she went on the show to find him new parents. There was a part where she said, "I hope we can do it, he deserves better." This is her son!!!! I would do ANYTHING for my son....what does she mean, she hopes she can do it??? I do really hope that something is done before this child is scarred even more than he already has been. I hope that this poor child is not kept in their home!!
AJ
Posted by: nade119
Posted on: 2005-01-15 00:49:46

I too felt that she was basically looking for a way out. I truely don't believe she has any intention of even trying to work with Dr. Phil. I was shocked that someone could even say the things she was saying. But, at the same time I could see the hate in her eyes. I'm a mom of four boys and I wrote to Dr. Phil and told him there is plenty of love and happiness in my home and he would be welcomed with open arms by all. I can only hope that I would be blessed with the opportunity to call him my son. I can't get him off of my mind!!! I have never even met him and I already love him. I hope to God that we hear more.
nperki
Posted by: nperki
Posted on: 2005-01-17 22:17:29

I agree, How did they get past all the home studies and agency counseling? My family was also formed by adoption and I was asked "how would I treat the children I adopted if they had "issues" of course I said" just like I would If I had given birth to them". There are no guarentees in life wether we adopt our family or give birth. My husband is an adopted child and also could not imagine not loving any child that came into our home. I'm an RN that also taught adoptive parenting classes and If issues during my class were mentioned prior to adopting the couple was often encourage to seek counseling before adoption. I feel very sad for the whole family, it a loss on all accounts. Thanks Dr phil for having a show adoption.
My thoughts too
Posted by: lucyansmom
Posted on: 2005-01-18 16:21:01

I was thinking the same thing. What kind adoption agency let these people adopt that poor little boy. I am also an adoptive mom. My daughter was adopted at age 2 from China.
The homestudy was extensive. I even had to complete a correspondence course. I was required to read books on international adoption related subjects. You are dealing with racial, mourning/loss/abandonment, bonding issues. Not the mention the whole realm of orphanage issues, neglect, developmental delays, etc. I went into it with my eyes wide open and prepared for the "what if's". I cannot believe this couple were so ignorant about bonding. There is so much support out there. Did they even try to work on this? My daughter was my daughter before she was even placed in my arms. We bonded instantly, but it hasn't been without problems. We've had to deal with sensory integration issues, post traumatic stress and learning disabilities.
And there will more issues in the future we will be dealing with, growing up Asian in a white community, being a only child, not having a father...That's life, be prepare and deal with it.
Catalog Order
Posted by: jkhinrichs
Posted on: 2005-07-04 19:11:49

I am responding to the comments regarding the couple who adopted the child from India. My husband and I are also adoptive parents of 3 children from Korea as well as parents to a daughter born to us. Our adopted children were all older when we adopted them and they came to us with lots of "baggage". We were aware of possible problems with one child but not with the others. As time went on the issues they came with intensified. When we were given a referal from our adoption agency, we accepted that child, feeling that was the child God meant for us. We didn't feel it was right to ask if there were others to choose from, maybe a prettier or brighter looking child. There are no guarantees in life. Whether we adopt a child or if we have our children by birth, we are not afforded the opportunity or privilege to fill out a J.C. Penney order blank indicating hair and skin color, height and weight, desirable facial and physical features, I.Q., special abilites such as playing sports well or some day becoming a doctor. Nor are we allowed assurance that our order for a child arrives without physical or mental damages or any other impairments. There is no such thing as a return policy should we not be 100% happy with our order. I wondered what that couple would have said if Dr. Phil asked them what they would have done if one of their birth children was born with a disability? Two of the three children we adopted have/has some very serious issues, but we couldn't love them more. We just thank God we were allowed the opportunity to be blessed with these children. They have given us so much more than we could have ever imagined. And, NO, we don't love our birth child more than our adopted children. We love all our children for who they are. If I remember correctly, the couple said they were to expect a couple months as a time line for adjustment, etc. Adjustments, working out issues, determining the root of problems can take years, especially with children other than babies. These children go through a lot before they finally come to a loving forever family. They need time to grieve as well as to adjust to their new family, let alone deal with pre-existing conditions. I hope something good comes out of the airing of this program. My heart aches for this child.
Question of adoptive and birth moms
Posted by: india63
Posted on: 2005-01-19 13:34:06

I gave up a son when I was 17 years old to a loving family. I was always prepared for the difficulites of living without him in my life but now, 21 years later, I'm faced with questions that the mind of a teenager never anticipated. I have 3 other children, two of which are full siblings of my first baby, and one is his half brother. I made what I thought was the best decision for me and my baby but this really effects many more peoples lives. My children do not know they have an older brother and, I assume, he does not know of them. Is it wrong to not tell them? Or would telling them do more harm then good? Would your daughter want to have this information?

I'd appreciate any insight you can provide. I've been agonizing over this for a very long time now.
My advice for what its worth
Posted by: luvnleave
Posted on: 2005-01-20 00:48:54

Hi India,

I am adopted (33 now). My advice is that being open and honest is the only way to go. I believe that all adopted children should be told from the earliest age that they are adopted. I was always told that I was their 'darling adopted daughter', and when I was old enough, I asked what that meant, and was told and I'd be happy with the answer and forget about it, until I got to thinking again one day and asked again...eventually I understood, and as a result, I can honestly say it was never an issue for me. I think the issues begin when people are lied to by omission or otherwise. Everyone in the process - siblings, partners etc etc, has a right to know about the adoption. I wouldn't assume that your son doesn't know about his adoption, as if his parents are smart they will have followed advice and told him about it very young. You have left it a long time to tell your own children, which may have some ramifications, but leaving it longer will only make those worse, and if they find out another way one day then they will really be angry.

Good luck with everything - I met my birth mother many years ago and it was a bitter-sweet experience, but one that I needed at the time. One thing it made me realise is that while I thought about the adoption from time to time growing up, she thought about a little girl that she saw every day of her life.

Cheers

Posted by: rona555
Posted on: 2005-02-05 00:45:18

I was also adopted 36 years ago.How did you go about finding your birth parents.