03/16 Ask Dr. Phil and Robin
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Posted by: thinking20
Posted on: 2004-11-13 16:44:21
This is from Dr. Phil's own web site:
Emotional Abuse: The Victim and Abuser
Emotional Abuse: The Victim and Abuser
An emotionally abusive marriage consists of a victim and an abuser. Dr. Phil has something to say to both.
The Abuser
Have you thought about how your actions truly affect your partner? Even when you stop the abuse, the pain continues because you've trampled on your loved one's heart and spirit.
Dr. Phil defines an abuser as both a coward and a bully. You choose to abuse where it is safe, in a place where you feel loved and protected. Would you do it in the workplace where you might get fired or in a social situation where others might get insulted?
You need to understand that respect is commanded, not demanded. If you think degrading and belittling your partner commands respect, you're wrong. You are simply demanding by imposing fear.
All abusers have excuses, says Dr. Phil. While the excuses vary, one principle remains: You are abusing instead of being constructive.
If you want to recover — for yourself and your partner — you need to tell yourself: "I'm not going to take this from me anymore." Sit down with your partner, look into his/her eyes, and apologize for the wounds you've inflicted over time.
Healing is a process. Rescuing your relationship will take patience and persistence.
The Victim
Take responsibility. You have played a role in setting up the relationship this way, and you must play a role in changing it. Telling your partner that the treatment is unacceptable is not enough. Your actions speak louder than words, so you need to make two bold moves: Change your own routine or behavior, and tell your partner you will no longer take the abuse.
Dr. Phil refers to a saying: "There are no victims, only volunteers." Don't go along to get along. Peace at any price is no peace at all.
Relationships are always up for renegotiation. You need to sit down with your partner, look him/her in the eyes, and tell him/her that you are taking a stand. You will not stay in the relationship if the abuse continues. From there, begin to negotiate. Figure out how both of you can take strides to make the marriage work.
Watch yourself to make sure you don't fall back into the victim role.
(My thoughts: The bachelor party, smashing the wedding cake in the bride's face, emailing other women, etc. is emotional abuse because if the action hurtfully affects the partner, "you have trampled on your loved one's heart and spirit."
If he (she) will trample on a loved one's heart and spirit once, especially before the marriage even takes place, he will do so again and again and again.
What else is there to say about a bachelor party involving other [naked] women, etc.?
Yeesh, who needs a loved one who hurts you?
If there's still a guy out there saying, "No one is going to tell me what I can do or can't do! I'm going to have naked girls at my bachelor party!" go back and read Dr. Phil's words again and either understand them or call off the commitment you cannot live up to. Or if he can't figure it out, ladies, run for your life.)
Posted by: thinking20
Posted on: 2004-11-13 16:44:21
This is from Dr. Phil's own web site:
Emotional Abuse: The Victim and Abuser
Emotional Abuse: The Victim and Abuser
An emotionally abusive marriage consists of a victim and an abuser. Dr. Phil has something to say to both.
The Abuser
Have you thought about how your actions truly affect your partner? Even when you stop the abuse, the pain continues because you've trampled on your loved one's heart and spirit.
Dr. Phil defines an abuser as both a coward and a bully. You choose to abuse where it is safe, in a place where you feel loved and protected. Would you do it in the workplace where you might get fired or in a social situation where others might get insulted?
You need to understand that respect is commanded, not demanded. If you think degrading and belittling your partner commands respect, you're wrong. You are simply demanding by imposing fear.
All abusers have excuses, says Dr. Phil. While the excuses vary, one principle remains: You are abusing instead of being constructive.
If you want to recover — for yourself and your partner — you need to tell yourself: "I'm not going to take this from me anymore." Sit down with your partner, look into his/her eyes, and apologize for the wounds you've inflicted over time.
Healing is a process. Rescuing your relationship will take patience and persistence.
The Victim
Take responsibility. You have played a role in setting up the relationship this way, and you must play a role in changing it. Telling your partner that the treatment is unacceptable is not enough. Your actions speak louder than words, so you need to make two bold moves: Change your own routine or behavior, and tell your partner you will no longer take the abuse.
Dr. Phil refers to a saying: "There are no victims, only volunteers." Don't go along to get along. Peace at any price is no peace at all.
Relationships are always up for renegotiation. You need to sit down with your partner, look him/her in the eyes, and tell him/her that you are taking a stand. You will not stay in the relationship if the abuse continues. From there, begin to negotiate. Figure out how both of you can take strides to make the marriage work.
Watch yourself to make sure you don't fall back into the victim role.
(My thoughts: The bachelor party, smashing the wedding cake in the bride's face, emailing other women, etc. is emotional abuse because if the action hurtfully affects the partner, "you have trampled on your loved one's heart and spirit."
If he (she) will trample on a loved one's heart and spirit once, especially before the marriage even takes place, he will do so again and again and again.
What else is there to say about a bachelor party involving other [naked] women, etc.?
Yeesh, who needs a loved one who hurts you?
If there's still a guy out there saying, "No one is going to tell me what I can do or can't do! I'm going to have naked girls at my bachelor party!" go back and read Dr. Phil's words again and either understand them or call off the commitment you cannot live up to. Or if he can't figure it out, ladies, run for your life.)
Respect
Posted by: ballisonc
Posted on: 2004-11-15 17:10:44
If your fiance wants you to not be around naked women, then out of respect for her, change the venue! If you're friends don't support your relationship, then you need to get new friends that will support your marriage!
Posted by: ballisonc
Posted on: 2004-11-15 17:10:44
If your fiance wants you to not be around naked women, then out of respect for her, change the venue! If you're friends don't support your relationship, then you need to get new friends that will support your marriage!
No Option
Posted by: pineknots
Posted on: 2004-11-16 01:33:40
I can't imagine this being an option ...'but'...if I haven't been living with him, if I haven't been sleeping with him... he's still a free agent until he says 'I do":) jennifer
Posted by: pineknots
Posted on: 2004-11-16 01:33:40
I can't imagine this being an option ...'but'...if I haven't been living with him, if I haven't been sleeping with him... he's still a free agent until he says 'I do":) jennifer
Posted by: beverlylin
Posted on: 2004-11-18 09:32:29
Commitment in a relationship is more then sleeping with them. If you make a commitment, your word should be your word and that should mean something, right?
Unbelievable comment
Posted by: lesajm
Posted on: 2005-03-16 18:03:57
pineknots 11.16.04 - 12:33am (180 of 378)
I can't imagine this being an option ...'but'...if I haven't been living with him, if I haven't been sleeping with him... he's still a free agent until he says 'I do":) jennifer
___________________________________________
That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Once you commit to marry someone and spend the rest of your life loving them in a commited relationship, you are no longer a "free agent". Pornography is discusting and extremely damaging to any marriage.
I completely agree with some of the other responces that he has no backbone if he won't tell his friends the way it's going to be. He's not going to be married to his friends. If his friends would have this influence on him in this situation then where would it stop even after his marriage. He has no reason to carry on that type of relationship with his "buddies". Living like a "free agent" is not going to fly any more. He needs to be the one to stand up and be a man and do the right thing where his friends and his soon-to-be wife are concerned.
Posted by: lesajm
Posted on: 2005-03-16 18:03:57
pineknots 11.16.04 - 12:33am (180 of 378)
I can't imagine this being an option ...'but'...if I haven't been living with him, if I haven't been sleeping with him... he's still a free agent until he says 'I do":) jennifer
___________________________________________
That is one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Once you commit to marry someone and spend the rest of your life loving them in a commited relationship, you are no longer a "free agent". Pornography is discusting and extremely damaging to any marriage.
I completely agree with some of the other responces that he has no backbone if he won't tell his friends the way it's going to be. He's not going to be married to his friends. If his friends would have this influence on him in this situation then where would it stop even after his marriage. He has no reason to carry on that type of relationship with his "buddies". Living like a "free agent" is not going to fly any more. He needs to be the one to stand up and be a man and do the right thing where his friends and his soon-to-be wife are concerned.
bachelor party is never for the bachelor
Posted by: shahzadee
Posted on: 2004-11-17 14:25:23
It seems even in this case the bachelor wasn't worried about himself but his buddies. This led me to think maybe he is not strong or mature enough to make proper decisions that will effect their entire marriage. Can't he tell his friends NO, it didn't sound like it to me. He said "She will have to deal with the friends" where is his back bone, in her purse?
I have no respect for men that cannot put the feelings of their wife before any other and feel good aboutit.
My husband and I both had bachelor parties, TOGETHER. His favorite beer on one side of the room, mine on the other and dancing with ALL of our friends in the middle. One hot night and one happy wife and one great marriage that has lasted 24 years this December.
Posted by: shahzadee
Posted on: 2004-11-17 14:25:23
It seems even in this case the bachelor wasn't worried about himself but his buddies. This led me to think maybe he is not strong or mature enough to make proper decisions that will effect their entire marriage. Can't he tell his friends NO, it didn't sound like it to me. He said "She will have to deal with the friends" where is his back bone, in her purse?
I have no respect for men that cannot put the feelings of their wife before any other and feel good aboutit.
My husband and I both had bachelor parties, TOGETHER. His favorite beer on one side of the room, mine on the other and dancing with ALL of our friends in the middle. One hot night and one happy wife and one great marriage that has lasted 24 years this December.
Why do we need bachelor parties?
Posted by: trystana
Posted on: 2005-03-16 12:45:45
My husband and I talked about bachelor/ette parties when we were engaged. We both agree that when he started feeling that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, his days as a bachelor were over, and his time to prepare to be a husband, and I a wife was at hand. My husband respects me, and would never put his friends concerns above mine. In turn, I respect my husband, and understand his need for male bonding time, and that his friends might be right once in awhile ( don't tell him that). We all need to have connections with people that are not our partners, it helps us be a whole person. If those outside people can hold so much sway that Dr. Phil needs to intercede, there is a huge problem and it isn't the bachelor party!
Posted by: trystana
Posted on: 2005-03-16 12:45:45
My husband and I talked about bachelor/ette parties when we were engaged. We both agree that when he started feeling that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, his days as a bachelor were over, and his time to prepare to be a husband, and I a wife was at hand. My husband respects me, and would never put his friends concerns above mine. In turn, I respect my husband, and understand his need for male bonding time, and that his friends might be right once in awhile ( don't tell him that). We all need to have connections with people that are not our partners, it helps us be a whole person. If those outside people can hold so much sway that Dr. Phil needs to intercede, there is a huge problem and it isn't the bachelor party!
Another view
Posted by: smuhottie
Posted on: 2005-03-16 17:08:17
I don't necessarily think that what you said is true. I think he may be putting the blame on his friends and "tradition" because he was too embarrassed to say that he WANTS to go to a strip club.
Posted by: smuhottie
Posted on: 2005-03-16 17:08:17
I don't necessarily think that what you said is true. I think he may be putting the blame on his friends and "tradition" because he was too embarrassed to say that he WANTS to go to a strip club.
choose your battles
Posted by: kaydeekay
Posted on: 2005-03-16 16:21:05
Being commited to someone has nothing to do with looking at naked women or not. I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot and the bride-to-be's friends wanted her to go to a male strip joint it would be a different story. Amanda says that she trusts him completely, it's the strippers she doesn't trust. Does she realize that these women are only there for a job? Most of them are single mom's trying to pay the bills or trying to get through school and while they are sitting on your guy's lap they are probably thinking about what bills they have coming up or where they are going to find a babysitter because the one they have quit. They are not interested in taking your guy away. I don't see the big deal, I have been married 20 years and am still extremely happy in my marriage. I think you need to choose your battles. I also think it would be a great idea for EVERY woman out there to go to a strip club, at least once, to see for themselves that there is no threat, it might put them at ease.
Posted by: kaydeekay
Posted on: 2005-03-16 16:21:05
Being commited to someone has nothing to do with looking at naked women or not. I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot and the bride-to-be's friends wanted her to go to a male strip joint it would be a different story. Amanda says that she trusts him completely, it's the strippers she doesn't trust. Does she realize that these women are only there for a job? Most of them are single mom's trying to pay the bills or trying to get through school and while they are sitting on your guy's lap they are probably thinking about what bills they have coming up or where they are going to find a babysitter because the one they have quit. They are not interested in taking your guy away. I don't see the big deal, I have been married 20 years and am still extremely happy in my marriage. I think you need to choose your battles. I also think it would be a great idea for EVERY woman out there to go to a strip club, at least once, to see for themselves that there is no threat, it might put them at ease.
Posted by: kaneman11
Posted on: 2005-03-16 18:17:07
I think it's more important that both people in the relationship agree. Your opinion on whether it is okay or not is irrelevant.
I also think your comments about single working mothers is curious and telling. Such an exploited group with so few options.
True but sad.
Another Women in porn are Exploited type.
Posted by: lazyike
Posted on: 2005-03-17 17:27:42
Well Let me "enlighten" you...
Are you aware that more Female porn stars now work BEHIND the camera? Some as Directors Some even OWN their own company...
Jerry Butler (Male Porn Legend) in his book "Raw Talent" discussed the inequity of pay for porn actors versus actresses. He claimed that actresses made in the $1000-1500 range as their day rate, which the male actors made about a third of that, $300-500 a day.
http://www.rame.net/faq/part3.html#xtocid143210
In porn MEN are nothing but a prop... a toy with baggage. If a guy can not "perform" on cue then he can not work.
So in reality it ie the Rule not the exception that WOMEN run the porn industry.
So is someone being exploited when they earn $1500 PER DAY? Thats $166.67 PER HOUR.. Name any job that pays THAT well?
As for the rest of the industry do your own resesrch... What you will discover is that in todays world women are NOT being "exploited" in porn...
Ike
Posted by: lazyike
Posted on: 2005-03-17 17:27:42
Well Let me "enlighten" you...
Are you aware that more Female porn stars now work BEHIND the camera? Some as Directors Some even OWN their own company...
Jerry Butler (Male Porn Legend) in his book "Raw Talent" discussed the inequity of pay for porn actors versus actresses. He claimed that actresses made in the $1000-1500 range as their day rate, which the male actors made about a third of that, $300-500 a day.
http://www.rame.net/faq/part3.html#xtocid143210
In porn MEN are nothing but a prop... a toy with baggage. If a guy can not "perform" on cue then he can not work.
So in reality it ie the Rule not the exception that WOMEN run the porn industry.
So is someone being exploited when they earn $1500 PER DAY? Thats $166.67 PER HOUR.. Name any job that pays THAT well?
As for the rest of the industry do your own resesrch... What you will discover is that in todays world women are NOT being "exploited" in porn...
Ike
Posted by: secretmind
Posted on: 2005-03-16 19:23:43
i can see your point of view and if it works for you then this is a good thing yeah,
but to me true real love means your partner has no need, no want, nor desire to even go there at all, no intrest but you,
as for the women thinking about paying bills i think your missing the point , that this womans husban is being either trully or falsely suduced by a female who is naked, he is being aroused sexualy by anothe female aside for his partner THIS IS WRONG, you cant tell me that his no getting off on these girls regardless what there thinking, there nothing but entertainment ment for one thing and one thing only and if your ok with your partner going out and getting hot then comming home and sleeping with you whilst piro to this, then to me your just an outlet for him, im sorry your situation may be completley differant but i myself cant see how, its wrong and men should grow the hell up
and get off it for once im so sick of it all.
its a body thats naked whow. what about me? what about you? love is a package, not something to be misused and by indulging the nakedness or semi nakedness of another women is degrading you. you should be the center of everything together not split off and be a pig, have his cake and eat it to. temptaion is a dangerous game and there palying with it eveytime they do these things, and to me its just a matter of time before he slips up in his overpowered errotic desires and steps over the line, as if he wouldnt, your not there, and look what he has infront of him,,,
Posted by: aevansnrs
Posted on: 2005-03-16 19:48:32
I agree. I went to a strip club one night with my husband (before he was my husband), and he told me that he had a better time with me there. There is nothing to worry about, the girls flirted with me just as much as him because they are there just to "pay the bills."
THANK YOU!
Posted by: 6inchheels
Posted on: 2005-03-16 20:32:00
It's about time that someone said that there's no threat from the strippers, seeing as that I am one and have been for many years.
The issues in this couple's case are trust and communication. Amanda said that she trusts her fiance and it's the strippers she doesn't trust, which is absurd. It's a JOB. We don't want your guy, we want the cash out of his wallet because that's how we get paid. She didn't impress me as being an idiot, so I would think that she would realize that we have zero interest in HIM. Frankly, I don't believe she is being truthful by claiming that it is the strippers she doesn't trust. Just as I don't believe her fiance is being truthful when he blames his friends for wanting to go to the strip club for the bachelor party... he mostly likely does want to go either because he wants to see the strippers or he wants to avoid problems with his friends.
Although I agree with Dr. Phil that a compromise needs to be reached regarding the bachelor party, I disagree that having it somewhere other then the strip club is the answer. What will happen is either A) he'll go to the strip club anyway and lie to Amanda about it, or B) the friends will have the party somewhere else and hire an outcall stripper with or without his permission. It's the friends who organize the party, and they want a naked lady.
There are a some options here. Amanda needs to have her fears of the strippers cleared up... FOREVER. Trust me, the clubs will still be open years after they're married, and she needs to not have to worry about her future husband should he step foot in one at some other time in the future. There will probably be at least one occasion at some time in the future where, whether or not he wants to, he may be in a position to have to visit one... very often men who ordinarily wouldn't chose to go to a strip club do so because of a client or boss. Almost every night I run into a customer who is uncomfortable being in the club because he personally didn't want to be there, but came anyway for such a reason.
Amanda should agree to go with her fiance to a strip club to see what it's all about, and get rid of her fear of the strippers (if it's actually them that she fears). Strip clubs are very couple friendly these days, and it's been my experience that the wives and girlfriends coming with their men enjoy them even if they didn't think they would when they came in. Last Saturday night when I worked, there was about 40% women making up the clientele. They hooted and hollered more then the men, were more honestly complementary toward me, and actually tipped a little better.
There's also the option of joining in at the bachelor party... make it a couples thing. It's a good way to celebrate the marriage by joining the friends of Amanda with the friends of her fiance by all partying together. I'm seeing lots of these "mixed" bachelor parties these days, and I love them because it's more money for me (seeing as it doubles the size of the party).
One way or another the friends of Amanda's fiance will have the bachelor party, and there WILL be strippers even if it's only because THEY want them. Even if the fiance were to go to the extreme and insist to his friends that there will be no bachelor party whatsoever, they'll probably contrive a way to force a suprise one on him... again, THEY want the party, and they probably don't care how strongly Amanda opposes it. I used to do outcall stripping years ago (bachelor parties, conventions, etc.), and MANY times it was a situation where it was a surprise on the bachelor who didn't want a party with a stripper and was terrified of how to explain it to his future wife should she find out.
With all that said, seeing how this is such an extreme issue with this couple that they needed to get advice outside the relationship, I don't think they're ready to get married. There are big trust and communication issues with them.
Posted by: 6inchheels
Posted on: 2005-03-16 20:32:00
It's about time that someone said that there's no threat from the strippers, seeing as that I am one and have been for many years.
The issues in this couple's case are trust and communication. Amanda said that she trusts her fiance and it's the strippers she doesn't trust, which is absurd. It's a JOB. We don't want your guy, we want the cash out of his wallet because that's how we get paid. She didn't impress me as being an idiot, so I would think that she would realize that we have zero interest in HIM. Frankly, I don't believe she is being truthful by claiming that it is the strippers she doesn't trust. Just as I don't believe her fiance is being truthful when he blames his friends for wanting to go to the strip club for the bachelor party... he mostly likely does want to go either because he wants to see the strippers or he wants to avoid problems with his friends.
Although I agree with Dr. Phil that a compromise needs to be reached regarding the bachelor party, I disagree that having it somewhere other then the strip club is the answer. What will happen is either A) he'll go to the strip club anyway and lie to Amanda about it, or B) the friends will have the party somewhere else and hire an outcall stripper with or without his permission. It's the friends who organize the party, and they want a naked lady.
There are a some options here. Amanda needs to have her fears of the strippers cleared up... FOREVER. Trust me, the clubs will still be open years after they're married, and she needs to not have to worry about her future husband should he step foot in one at some other time in the future. There will probably be at least one occasion at some time in the future where, whether or not he wants to, he may be in a position to have to visit one... very often men who ordinarily wouldn't chose to go to a strip club do so because of a client or boss. Almost every night I run into a customer who is uncomfortable being in the club because he personally didn't want to be there, but came anyway for such a reason.
Amanda should agree to go with her fiance to a strip club to see what it's all about, and get rid of her fear of the strippers (if it's actually them that she fears). Strip clubs are very couple friendly these days, and it's been my experience that the wives and girlfriends coming with their men enjoy them even if they didn't think they would when they came in. Last Saturday night when I worked, there was about 40% women making up the clientele. They hooted and hollered more then the men, were more honestly complementary toward me, and actually tipped a little better.
There's also the option of joining in at the bachelor party... make it a couples thing. It's a good way to celebrate the marriage by joining the friends of Amanda with the friends of her fiance by all partying together. I'm seeing lots of these "mixed" bachelor parties these days, and I love them because it's more money for me (seeing as it doubles the size of the party).
One way or another the friends of Amanda's fiance will have the bachelor party, and there WILL be strippers even if it's only because THEY want them. Even if the fiance were to go to the extreme and insist to his friends that there will be no bachelor party whatsoever, they'll probably contrive a way to force a suprise one on him... again, THEY want the party, and they probably don't care how strongly Amanda opposes it. I used to do outcall stripping years ago (bachelor parties, conventions, etc.), and MANY times it was a situation where it was a surprise on the bachelor who didn't want a party with a stripper and was terrified of how to explain it to his future wife should she find out.
With all that said, seeing how this is such an extreme issue with this couple that they needed to get advice outside the relationship, I don't think they're ready to get married. There are big trust and communication issues with them.
TRUSTING YOUR MATE
Posted by: nllowry
Posted on: 2005-03-17 10:38:25
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 40 YEARS AND BELEIVE ME, THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT HAVE COME UP OR DID COME UP THAT ARE MORE IMPORTENT THAT MY HUSBAND GOING TO A STRIP CLUB, WHICH BY THE WAY HE HAS AND SO HAVE I. IHAVE ALSO GONE TO THOSE SHOWS WITH THE CHIPMUNKS. I WAS REALLY NOT IMPRESSED WITH EITHER ONE. AND I WAS NOTABOUT TO MAKE AN ISSUE OVER IT. I ALWAYS TOLD MY HUSBAND, I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GET YOUR APPETITE, JUST TAKEYOUR MEALS TO HOME.IF YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND AND HE TRUSTS YOU, AND YOU TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS, THEN WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
Posted by: nllowry
Posted on: 2005-03-17 10:38:25
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 40 YEARS AND BELEIVE ME, THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT HAVE COME UP OR DID COME UP THAT ARE MORE IMPORTENT THAT MY HUSBAND GOING TO A STRIP CLUB, WHICH BY THE WAY HE HAS AND SO HAVE I. IHAVE ALSO GONE TO THOSE SHOWS WITH THE CHIPMUNKS. I WAS REALLY NOT IMPRESSED WITH EITHER ONE. AND I WAS NOTABOUT TO MAKE AN ISSUE OVER IT. I ALWAYS TOLD MY HUSBAND, I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GET YOUR APPETITE, JUST TAKEYOUR MEALS TO HOME.IF YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND AND HE TRUSTS YOU, AND YOU TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS, THEN WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
TRUSTING YOUR MATE
Posted by: nllowry
Posted on: 2005-03-17 11:00:57
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 40 YEARS AND BELEIVE ME, THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT HAVE COME UP OR DID COME UP THAT ARE MORE IMPORTENT THAT MY HUSBAND GOING TO A STRIP CLUB, WHICH BY THE WAY HE HAS AND SO HAVE I. IHAVE ALSO GONE TO THOSE SHOWS WITH THE CHIPMUNKS. I WAS REALLY NOT IMPRESSED WITH EITHER ONE. AND I WAS NOTABOUT TO MAKE AN ISSUE OVER IT. I ALWAYS TOLD MY HUSBAND, I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GET YOUR APPETITE, JUST TAKEYOUR MEALS TO HOME.IF YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND AND HE TRUSTS YOU, AND YOU TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS, THEN WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
Posted by: nllowry
Posted on: 2005-03-17 11:00:57
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 40 YEARS AND BELEIVE ME, THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT HAVE COME UP OR DID COME UP THAT ARE MORE IMPORTENT THAT MY HUSBAND GOING TO A STRIP CLUB, WHICH BY THE WAY HE HAS AND SO HAVE I. IHAVE ALSO GONE TO THOSE SHOWS WITH THE CHIPMUNKS. I WAS REALLY NOT IMPRESSED WITH EITHER ONE. AND I WAS NOTABOUT TO MAKE AN ISSUE OVER IT. I ALWAYS TOLD MY HUSBAND, I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GET YOUR APPETITE, JUST TAKEYOUR MEALS TO HOME.IF YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND AND HE TRUSTS YOU, AND YOU TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS, THEN WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?
umm
Posted by: smrtcookie
Posted on: 2005-04-03 20:34:31
I just want to note that your response, while intelligent, is a wee bit optimistic. I know lots of strippers (tanning salon owner) and have been to strip clubs a few times to see what they're like. Many of the strippers I know are dating married guys and they stereotypically get clothes, jewelry, etc.. They met the guys at work. I am sure there are some great strippers out there that are just working but don't be naive, there are some out there who are more than happy to take up with the customers.
Posted by: smrtcookie
Posted on: 2005-04-03 20:34:31
I just want to note that your response, while intelligent, is a wee bit optimistic. I know lots of strippers (tanning salon owner) and have been to strip clubs a few times to see what they're like. Many of the strippers I know are dating married guys and they stereotypically get clothes, jewelry, etc.. They met the guys at work. I am sure there are some great strippers out there that are just working but don't be naive, there are some out there who are more than happy to take up with the customers.
Amen!
Posted by: rrneelyxxx
Posted on: 2005-03-16 18:05:30
I agree. What is more important? Take your pick! If at the end of the day, you'd rather be with your buddies and stippers than with your wife (finace, girlfriend), that sort of action speaks volumes. If you look at the poll, MOST do not want their fiance to go to a strip club. If both of you agree to it, and it is not an issue, then by all means, go out and have a blast; however, if there is a problem with it now, and you still go, it will ALWAYS be a problem.
This is my opinion not because I have been burned, but because I have gone to a few strip clubs with my guy friends. I came up with my own conclusion that it is not appropriate for a relationship that I'm in. On the other hand, I have female friends that do not care - and since it works for them, that's fantastic.
So this decision is in the eyes of the beholder. If you find love, I believe after being in a long loving marriage, it won't be the friends and strippers taking care of you...it'll be your wife.
Posted by: rrneelyxxx
Posted on: 2005-03-16 18:05:30
I agree. What is more important? Take your pick! If at the end of the day, you'd rather be with your buddies and stippers than with your wife (finace, girlfriend), that sort of action speaks volumes. If you look at the poll, MOST do not want their fiance to go to a strip club. If both of you agree to it, and it is not an issue, then by all means, go out and have a blast; however, if there is a problem with it now, and you still go, it will ALWAYS be a problem.
This is my opinion not because I have been burned, but because I have gone to a few strip clubs with my guy friends. I came up with my own conclusion that it is not appropriate for a relationship that I'm in. On the other hand, I have female friends that do not care - and since it works for them, that's fantastic.
So this decision is in the eyes of the beholder. If you find love, I believe after being in a long loving marriage, it won't be the friends and strippers taking care of you...it'll be your wife.
typical Feminist psychobable
Posted by: lazyike
Posted on: 2005-03-17 17:20:14
Respect is a TWO way street... First it's this then it's something else... pretty soon you have an Abusive Wife & a doormat husband...
Oh thats right here in Dr. Phil Land women are NEVER the abuser... they are ALWAYS the oppressed victim.
I watched either Oprah or Dr. Phil where this Husband was constantly verbaly abusing his rather attactive wife (If he don't want her I'm more than willing to releave him of the burdon)
Now had that been a Verbaly abusive wife the show would NEVER have been on... After all Women Are NEVER the abuser... Men are NEVER Raped, Physically or mentally Abused (Nagging wife).
Yet the statistics show otherwise.
You want respect then you best be prepared to give it.
Ike
Posted by: lazyike
Posted on: 2005-03-17 17:20:14
Respect is a TWO way street... First it's this then it's something else... pretty soon you have an Abusive Wife & a doormat husband...
Oh thats right here in Dr. Phil Land women are NEVER the abuser... they are ALWAYS the oppressed victim.
I watched either Oprah or Dr. Phil where this Husband was constantly verbaly abusing his rather attactive wife (If he don't want her I'm more than willing to releave him of the burdon)
Now had that been a Verbaly abusive wife the show would NEVER have been on... After all Women Are NEVER the abuser... Men are NEVER Raped, Physically or mentally Abused (Nagging wife).
Yet the statistics show otherwise.
You want respect then you best be prepared to give it.
Ike
That Bachelor Party, Other Women & Emotional Abuse
Posted by: wildpeace
Posted on: 2004-11-15 19:04:56
YES!
DR PHIL: PLEASE READ "EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY" by M. GARY NEUMAN.
This show is all about emotional infidelity, disrespect, and sadly, abusive mentalities.
You could also sum it up as a difference in values - and these differences in values are HUGE.
After two significant, long-term relationships where I suffered through these exact things - and then some - I got out. It was hard, but thanks to this show, I'm now feeling appropriately angry.
THANKS!
Posted by: wildpeace
Posted on: 2004-11-15 19:04:56
YES!
DR PHIL: PLEASE READ "EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY" by M. GARY NEUMAN.
This show is all about emotional infidelity, disrespect, and sadly, abusive mentalities.
You could also sum it up as a difference in values - and these differences in values are HUGE.
After two significant, long-term relationships where I suffered through these exact things - and then some - I got out. It was hard, but thanks to this show, I'm now feeling appropriately angry.
THANKS!
