03/24 Judgmental People

Bree Walker-ectrodactyly
Posted by: cregister
Posted on: 2004-10-27 09:04:59

I am the mother of 3 children...my youngest is 6 year old Jeffery who was born with ectrodactyly ectodermal dysplasia clefting syndrome. (EEC Syndrome)

I was sooooo pleased to see Bree Walker today...What an inspiration!!!! I read about Bree a few months after Jeffery's birth and it inspired and gave me the acknowledment that Jeffery would be raised to be all he could be.

My husband and myself decided early on that we would not treat Jeffery any different than our other two children. He is held accountable for his words, works, and deeds.

Jeffery is now in 1st grade in the public school system and the ugly remarks are coming into play now. He is called a "monster' and an "alien". It hurts my heart more than I can say. He is a very smart and funny young man with so much to offer.

I would love to hear from other people who are affected by this. Jeffery has never seen anyone who looks like him. My email address is jbrdregister@atmc.net.
cregister
Posted by: mom2kaykim
Posted on: 2004-10-27 09:57:58

Hi. I can honestly say I do not know how you feel. I would think it would be absolutely wonderful for your son to meet with Bree's children, moreso her son. They are such sweet children, and I am sure they could help your son with some kind words and give him some pointers on how to handle mean people. I guess with Bree's children it is different, because their mom has the same deformity as they do, so she knows how to help them to deal with the nasty comments. I am assuming you or your husband do not have the same deformity? You didn't mention that, so I am guessing. Perhaps you could contact the Dr. Phil show to help you get in touch with Bree and her children. Good luck to you, and Jeffery will be fine!! P.S. Not too many people spell Jeffery the way you do, my brother's name is spelled the same way.
A similar birth defect!!
Posted by: atomickitt
Posted on: 2004-10-27 11:54:18

i was so shocked when i was sitting watching Dr Phil...i am 26 and pregnant with my second child...i was born with what has been diagnosed as syndactly...where there is fusing and webbing...i had 5 fingers and no thumbs...i have had extensive surgery...my father has a similar thing ...only he had a complete hand and an additional thumb...well the way it had been explained to us was that it would only pass to a girl (they were mistaken)...but my first child who is almost nine had no problems...perfect in every way...however i am 6 months pregnant now and we have recently seen 6 little fingers and they are fused to some degree...i have never seen any cases like ours...only fusing of a few fingers or like Brees...i would never have not had my children ...i am a very strong independant woman and think that that does not at all affect your quality of life...the only thing i am not lookig forward to are the surgeries and things like that but my son will be strong like his mother...if there are anymore people that have similar things or just wanna chat about it my e mail is tiddle1@gmail.com

Posted by: snoangel74
Posted on: 2004-10-27 16:28:59

I'm a 30 yr. old mother of 4. When I was 17, I had my first child. I, like Bree, was told that there was a 50/50 chance that the child I was carrying would be born with a genetics disorder, due to his father having Syndactyly. When my son was born, he was diagnosed with Ectrodactyly. I do not in anyway regret having him. Bree, I often had to deal with the stares and gasps of people that were to afraid to come up and ask me about my sons condition. That for me, was the hardest part, when he was a baby. It would've been so much easier to expain his condition to them than it was to handle the stares and gasps from them not knowing or not understanding. Once he became school age, I went to the school and disgussed his condition with the teachers and the students in his classes to try to help give them some kind of understanding as to of what he was able to do, without others help. He will be 13 this year, and does so many different things. I'm so proud of him. He never lets anything bring him down. Thank you for sharing your story.
EEC
Posted by: catpotter
Posted on: 2004-10-28 16:09:15

My son also was born with EEC, but in a more moderate form. (feet not affected), but other issues as well. He's treated just like any other kid, raised just like my daughter with no difference except when surgery times roll around/medical treatment.

I missed this show as I'm in Hawaii and I had no clue that it was going to be running. I only heard about it from someone else. I know Bree was at the NFED conference last year, and I have vowed to myself to make it to one of those conferences to meet others like my son. :)

Anyone whom is affected by EEC may contact me, whether it be them as an adult or you have a child. There's a support group online specifically for the disorder, and I'd love to share.

~Catpotter2001@yahoo.com
I have ectrodactyly
Posted by: katieann13
Posted on: 2005-01-29 16:08:53

I have read your message and I am a 13 year old girl who too was born with ectrodactyly. My mom has also taught me that I any no different then anyone else.

Your son will become a normal person and people at his school will become used to it and no one will notice. I have had this disease for my whole life. All of my friends don't care that I am different.

I only have 3 fingers on each hand and I have 9 toes and some of my toes are stuck together.

I am a normal person. I can do anything that anyone else can do.

Tell your son to be strong and that he may be different but that doesn't mean that he is not like a normal person.
U R AWESOME!
Posted by: leasap23
Posted on: 2005-03-24 17:03:02

I just wanted to tell you that even though we don't know each other I was so proud to read your message. Thank you for supporting and encouraging others. You seem to be a true sweetheart, baby girl and I hope your days are long and full of happiness. May God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you, is my prayer for you. Keep doing what you're doing. You're an awesome person.
Thank you!
Posted by: katieann13
Posted on: 2005-03-24 20:41:58

It was so great to hear from someone who doesn't care what you look like and think you look gross. I want to thank you for keeping me in your prayers even though there are other people in the world that need more prayers then I do. Thanks Again!
My pleasure
Posted by: leasap23
Posted on: 2005-03-25 10:04:54

Ya know, I bowl in a league on Friday nights with my husband. (I know, what a dork! hehe;O) But anyways, there is a lady there that I always speak to ya know and say hello. But her hands are like this. I was amazed by this woman because she is on the league with me. She bowls better than I do! :0} Seriously. So, now it's nice to be aware of what it is. I was curious I must say but definitly not in a bad way, I was just proud I guess that she doesn't let that stop her. I think that's great so no sweetie I don't think you look gross or anything like that. I hope we can keep in touch. Smile!
That's awesome
Posted by: katieann13
Posted on: 2005-03-26 16:05:57

I would love to keep in touch. That would be awesome. I jusr went to Johns Hopkins Hospital to see about getting surgrey on my feet because of this diesase. I hope to getting the surgrey soon. But my mom and me have a lot to think about before we get it done. I have been having problems with my feet all of my life and hopefully this will happen soon. Thanks Again!
Keep Your Head Up
Posted by: leasap23
Posted on: 2005-03-27 19:38:49

I'm sure every little bit of research from that hospital couldn't do anything but help. I hope they can find a way to help you to improve on your condition. I honestly feel it's no mistake we started chatting. I think God will put people in your life to help encourage you and remind you nobodies perfect, regardless of whether they think they are or not. I would like us to be friends. I'm an outsider ya know, that doesn't know you personally and I can be someone you can just talk with to get your mind off things or if ya just need a reminder you're great. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure your mom just loves ya to pieces but it's always good to have someone around that's just there to listen, whether it's bad feelings or good. It seems I know alot about you and you know nothing about me so I will let you in on a little part of my life. My name is Leasa, pronounced Lisa. I am 23, I'll be 24 in Oct. I have no kids but 2 sisters and between the both of them 3 nephews and a neice. My neice is 12, around your age. I live in Chattanooga,Tn which is about 2 hours from Atlanta. I just got married in Sept. of last year so we're just getting started. We're like an old married couple though, ya know I told you we bowl on Friday nights but other than that I spend alot of time reading, and writing poetry. I like Dr. Phil alot which you probably guessed but other than that lead a pretty "normal" life. Nothing really exciting. So, anyways, I just wanted to, like I said let you know alittle about me. I was excited to see you had written me back. I wanted to give you my email addy but am alittle nervous just giving it out on this site. So, let me figure out an alternative, or if you know of one, let me know, and I'll send it to ya. Keep me updated about what's going on with the doctors. Talk to you soon. Lea
Man born a woman
Posted by: kimgrogan
Posted on: 2004-10-27 09:54:49

Has he tried any support from the GLBT community? (That stands for the Gay,Lesbian,Bisexual and Transgendered community. Best to always start with support from those who have been through this. Any large city area should have a chapter. If not, let me know and I'll be happy to hook you up. Kim
True Self
Posted by: paulamcd25
Posted on: 2004-10-28 08:27:36

While I don't have the resources to recommend I agree with the sources given.
Quite frankly I found Gerald? very attractive. If I had met you somewhere I would never of guessed. I do agree with Dr. Phil about being upfront about your situation. Personally, yes, I would have some questions but it would not turn me off. If there is a connection emotionally, spiritually, and mentally there is a way to work out the physical. There should be the former before the latter in any relationship that is to last. Having the former there will always be the compromise to satisfy the latter.
It requires a lot of self knowledge to go thru with all the medical stuff to achieve your true Self.
I don't know where he lives but I would be interested in a relationship, be it friendship or more. If you read this feel free to contact me.
I am spiritual rather than religious. I took "God" out of the box several years ago. Every individual must learn their own Self. If "God" is Everlasting Love there is NO judgement. "God" is Everything or "He" is nothing. If "He" is Everything there is no other.
I hope and pray that anyone and everyone realizes their True Self what ever that may be.
I know first hand
Posted by: troythedra
Posted on: 2004-10-28 16:16:23

I have been where Jaron is today. Because Like Jaron I was born with the same Birthdefect he was. I was a man traped in a womans body. Jaron has got much farther where surgeries are concerned. I lost all of my friends, At least my Family stayed with me, I lost my lover of ten years too. So I spent the next 2 1/2 years trying to date. going thru the same as Jaron has. I always told them upfront before anything that I was transgendered and was born a female. I then would answer all of their questions. I personally think Education is paramount to us being accepted. 3 years ago I met my wife. She went thru 9 kinds of he** with her adopted family, who now love me to death, but she told them she love me for me .... not what was under my clothes.... and as far as she was concerend I was a male. So Jaron there is hope out there. I believe with all my heart there is someone for all of us, Its just finding them.
Troy Director of gender outreach TOHR

Birth Defect???
Posted by: locustgirl
Posted on: 2005-03-24 19:15:22

Can we PLEASE not refer to being female as a BIRTH DEFECT??? I know the context but we're talking about an extreme mind-body split, not a birth defect. You shouldn't feel carte blanche to be a misogynist just because you're no longer a woman.

Posted by: katthena20
Posted on: 2005-04-06 17:08:34

He referred to it that way, and had every right to. So we should as well. He felt that being female was a birth defect, as do a lot of trans people. I say, blessed be them for their strength. If I was a little braver than I may not be a woman anymore, I may be a man. But I don't have the courage they do. So bless them. And don't judge them if you've never experienced what they do on a regular basis.

~Athena
loaning to neet you
Posted by: vsneff
Posted on: 2004-11-04 10:27:18

yes dr phill i would like to meet him because i have trouble meeting people to.

thank you
venus neff
Not Quite, Dr. Phil!
Posted by: pearlp56
Posted on: 2005-03-24 18:48:54

I disagree with his advice to tell your date on the first meeting. I speak from my experience as a former transsexual (I had the surgery and took care of things! I'm simply a woman.)

I disagree for the following reasons.
1) It's dangerous. Some folks react violently to the news. You need to take some time to see if there might be something between you take the risk.
2) I'm very woodworked. No one knows unless they're told. But once they are, they often "have" to tell others. Why take that risk unless you think there might be something between you?
3) The images in others' minds. When people find out about my history, their mental image of me changes. I'm suddenly no longer just a woman, I'm a hyphenated woman (transsexual-woman) at best, a freak at worst. Men think of you with that thing down there. I don't tell a man until we've slept together so he has a memory in his mind to challenge the prejudices!
100%
Posted by: scarletds
Posted on: 2004-10-27 10:22:28

On the woman who became a man....
As a single woman in his age range, I can say that I thought he was an interesting, nice-looking man. If we were on a date and he told me that he had once been a woman, I think I would have lots of questions, out of curiosity, but I don't believe that would make me suddenly not like him or want to associate with him.

However, once I knew he was STILL female below the waist....that would. Why would I want to continue in a relationship with 1/2 man, 1/2 woman?

I realized there is a great expense to the surgery. Unfortunately, I believe if he truly wants a relationship with a woman, he will have to find a way to complete his transformation first.
judging?
Posted by: jcnejg93
Posted on: 2004-10-27 15:13:26

I have compassion for him. That he was tricked into being altered from what he was created to be. God does not make mistakes and mankind has always been lead away by the liar. Would I judge him. No, God will, how I don't know? But I will not tell unless asked and I would Love and treat them as Jesus would as my Father has taught me. I am frustrated that many Christians distance themselves from people in need. Separate them in the point when they don't think they need help, making them unavailable when they decide they do need help.