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          Advice for Dating a Married Man

          September 06, 2004

          Are you the “other woman?” If you’re involved with a married man, and you’re waiting for your turn, it’s time to re-evaluate your situation. Dr. Phil offers advice:

          It’s time to move forward.
          If you’re putting your life on hold for a married man, he’s not only stolen your heart — he’s stolen your brain!

          No matter how you justify it, you are attacking his family unit.
          Even if he is separated from his wife, that is their business, and you are a threat to their marriage. You aren’t welcome, and you don’t belong.

          You may feel that he’s your soul mate but think again.
          A real soul mate would not set you on the sidelines. He wouldn’t allow it, let alone entice it.

          Keep in mind that you only know what he tells you.
          You already know that he's a liar, because he's living a lie with his wife and children. How can you be sure whether you're the only "other woman" he has? Entertain the possibility that he is lying to you, and you are being used.

          Think of his wife.
          Is it fair to her? She's been married to him for however many years, cleaned up after him when he's sick, raised children with him, sacrificed with him, dealt with the "damn dailies," then you come in at the 11th hour and provide a contrast to that that's new, and exciting and fun. You are intruding upon her turf. You are a trespasser. It is no different than being a thief in the night. It is no different than breaking into their house and stealing their things.

          Even if your married man decided to leave his wife and family for you, that doesn't guarantee success.
          Relationships born out of affairs survive less than 5 percent of the time. If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. If he's living this deception with you today, how could you ever trust him if you did get into a legitimate relationship with him?

          Break off this relationship today.
          You'll hurt, you'll feel broken-hearted, but you'll be better off. Take some time to get really clear with yourself about who you are and what you want. The most important relationship you'll ever have in this world is the one you have with yourself. And eventually, you'll fall in love again — with someone who's willing to make you first in his life!

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