November 04, 2009
Dr. Phil says there’s a difference between nurturing a competitive spirit and pushing your kids to win at any cost. If you’re trying to decide whether or not you’re a pushy parent, ask yourself the following questions:
1) How important is winning?
Is winning more important than your child’s relationship with you? Do you ask yourself, “Is this my dream? Is this my goal?”
Dr. Phil says, “If the dream and the vision is yours, then you’re crossing the line. If it’s interfering with your relationship with your child, then you’re crossing the line. If you have tunnel vision about what they achieve ” whether it’s sports, music, choir ” whatever it is, then you’re crossing the line.”
2) Does your behavior embarrass your child?
Are you doing things that he or she wishes you wouldn’t do? Do you criticize your child in front of other competitors? Are you acting like a stage mom or dad?
3) Do the negatives outweigh the positives?
Would you sacrifice your child’s self-esteem and self-respect for a trophy? Does it matter to you that your child constantly berates herself for making mistakes as long as she practices for two hours a night?
“Your job as a parent is to give your child unconditional love, where they know they are loved, and valued, and welcomed and nurtured, independent of what they achieve. If you tie it to behaviors, you’re going way, way off the mark,” Dr. Phil warns.
4) Do you think you know more than the coach?
Have you become the authority of the sport instead of some objective dispassionate professional? Do you come to your child’s practices and games and argue with the coaches?