Many couples face the problem of dealing with each other’s past relationships and activities. How can you resolve your feelings? Here’s what Dr. Phil has to say:
- Look at your own past. Do you really have a right to judge your partner’s past?
- Your inability to get beyond your partner’s past is your problem. Your partner didn’t necessarily do anything to you. It’s your decision if you can get beyond the past.
- Realize that your partner was not born the day you started dating him/her. No one has a totally clean slate.
- Accept your partner for who he/she is — both the good and the bad. Use that acceptance to create a bond that holds your relationship together.
- If you or your partner allow your past to define either one of you, you are living up to a label, not your personal truth.
- If you’re being judged, tell your partner: “You can either trust me or not — but get off my back!”
- Don’t hang on to bad feelings from a past relationship. They will only infect your current relationship.
- Define a new standard for the relationship. Commit to it together, and make a new plan for your life together.
- Everything you do in a relationship either contributes to it or contaminates it. What is focusing on the past doing?