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          Parenting

          Getting Moms to Embrace Motherhood

          September 10, 2002

          How could someone have a child and regret it? Usually it is the result of the fantasy of parenthood being replaced by the reality. To most women who have never cared for a child, motherhood is a BIG surprise. A mother is not going to like the reality until she gives up the fantasy. Here are some things to consider:

        • Your happiness or unhappiness has nothing to do with having kids or not. Take your children out of the picture and what do you have?
        • You probably didn’t feel much different in life before they got here, and now you are blaming them because they are handy. Don’t hold them captive.
        • If you don’t have what you want in this life, make a responsible plan to go get it. Go for what you want, while doing the things you need to do as a parent.
        • You are not a victim. You made the choice to have kids; now make the choice about what kind of mom you want to be. You are a pivotal person in your child’s life. Grow up and take responsibility for that.
        • When you blame your kids, you leave them confused about who they are and where they fit in. If kids get a vague message about how you feel, they will always fill in the gap to their detriment.
        • Regret is inward anger blamed on someone else. If you are going to be angry, then be angry with someone who has some relevant accountability. Redirect your anger away from the children.
        • Sometimes you make the right decision; sometimes you make the decision right. The kids are here. They are precious. Figure out how to enjoy them.
        • Take care of yourself. If you are emotionally bankrupt and strung out, you have nothing to give. When you’ve run out of coping skills, ask for help. Ask your spouse, friend or family to intervene and help decompress the situation.
        • There is a saying: “What I fear I create.” Your kids will mirror you. As you get happy, calm, peaceful and proud, so too will they.
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