Zip Code:
Provider Type:

          How to Parent Based on Your Child’s Personality

          July 13, 2005

          In Dr. Phil’s book, Family First, he talks about your parenting style and whether it meshes or clashes with your child’s personality. The following is his advice for more effective parenting.

          What is your definition of success as a parent?
          Most parents have career goals or relationship goals, but fail to set goals for parenting. You need to have a clear definition of success as a parent, and the steps you’ll take to get there. One guest’s definition is seeing her children growing up happy and secure and feeling good about themselves. Dr. Phil says this is a great goal, but adds that all parents should “help their children discover their authentic self — discovering that which is truly, uniquely theirs.” Find your children’s strengths and then go with them.

          Do what works.
          Some parents yell at their children or spank them repeatedly, only to have them disobey. Dr. Phil advises against this type of parenting. “If you’re doing something that works, then you shouldn’t have to do it over and over again,” he says. If you are parenting effectively, it should change the honor, respect, and obedience in your children. If it doesn’t, you may need to change your style to meet the needs of your kids.

          Different children need to be parented differently.
          “You’ve got to be a chameleon,” Dr. Phil says. “You’ve got to change styles with different children.” For example, if you’re an authoritarian parent, you may want to take a less direct approach with a rebellious child. Allow them to decide some things, and come up with some ideas and solutions.

          Spend time with children individually.

          Celebrate you children's differences. "I think it's very important that children feel special at home so they feel special when they go out into the world," Dr. Phil says. "One of the best ways to do that is for you to have a unique relationship with each one of them." While Dr. Phil thinks family rituals are important, separate activities with children can also help them appreciate their individuality.

          Modeling is important.
          Children learn what they live. Are you asking your kids to clean their rooms when they see that your room is a mess? This does not create accountability in children, Dr. Phil says. Do what you say you're going to do and step up your own game!

          Children should predict the consequences of their actions.
          "When you determine a consequence, it has to be determined on whether it works or not," Dr. Phil says. One guest would take away her children's video games if they didn't clean their rooms, but they would still be able to watch videos. "Personally, I would go home and say, 'I want the room cleaned, and anything that isn't in its proper place in one hour is gone. It's going to the shelter,'" Dr. Phil suggests. By making her children predict the consequences of their behavior with 100 percent accuracy, they will learn to keep their rooms clean, and they will learn the lesson of accountability in life.

          Phil in the Blanks – The Podcast

          Tell Us Your Story

          Be on the Show! Text “PHIL” to 88500

          Want to Be on the New Show “Face the Truth”?

          Want to be on “Face the Truth”, a new show by Stage 29 Productions (producer of “The Doctors”), hosted by Vivica A. Fox?

          Be Part of a New Project

          January Baby Shower for Mom in Detroit?

          Know someone planning a January baby shower in the Detroit area? Tell us! This is a project for Jay McGraw, not “Dr. Phil” (although it may be featured on the show), please note it is a commercial project.

          Be on the Show

          Explosive Family Drama?

          Does everyone in your family have strong personalities and refuse to back down?

          Be on the Show

          Need Dr. Phil’s Help?

          Share your story for a chance to be on the show!

          Be Part of a New Project

          Mom of Kid 2 or Younger In Detroit?

          Know a mom living in the Detroit area with a child wearing diapers? If so, tell us! This is a project for Jay McGraw, not “Dr. Phil” (although it may be featured on the show), please note it is a commercial project.

          Help & Resources

          Find Treatment Centers and Therapists!

          Check out the mental health treatment programs that have assisted Dr. Phil guests.

          Feeding America

          Learn how you can help feed a family struggling with hunger during the holidays.

          Be on the Show

          Have a Story Dr. Phil Won’t Believe?

          Want to appear on Dr. Phil? Text PHIL to 88500

          Simple Share Buttons
          Simple Share Buttons