This questionnaire is designed to stimulate your thinking about your current relationship and how it has affected you. Use these insights and this information to create clarity about what’s going on in your relationship. Use a journal to record your thoughts.

The following are 42 sentences. You are to finish each sentence with an honest and spontaneous thought. Do not spend a great amount of time contemplating any one item. Your first reaction will probably be the most revealing.

NOTE: Be brutally candid in all of your responses. Resist the temptation to put down a “right” answer. No one needs to see these responses but you.

1. I tend to deny …
2. I am happiest when …
3. Sometimes I …
4. What makes me angry is …
5. I wish …
6. I hate it when …
7. When I get angry I …
8. I would give anything if my partner would …
9. Sometimes …
10. I would be more lovable if …
11. My mother and father …
12. If only I had …
13. My best quality is …
14. Sometimes at night …
15. When I was a child …
16. My worst trait is …
17. My life really changed when …
18. If my relationship ends it will be because …
19. My partner hates it when I …
20. When I am alone I …
21. My partner gets angry when …
22. My partner’s greatest fear is …
23. It hurts me when my partner …
24. I feel the most lonely when …
25. I am afraid …
26. I love …
27. We used to laugh more because …
28. It would be best if …
29. Friends …
30. I feel like a phony when …
31. I can’t forgive …
32. Together we …
33. What surprises me is …
34. I believe …
35. Other people think …
36. Men …
37. Women …
38. I regret …
39. It doesn’t pay to …
40. It helps when we …
41. If only …
42. We never seem to …

Whether you realize it or not, your answers to these questions have provided you with some important revelations about your attitudes, and some equally important patterns or trends in your behavior. Based on your 42 responses, now answer the following questions:

1. Look at your responses to items 4, 6, 7, 16, 17, 24, 25, 31. What do these answers tell you about anger in your life and your relationship? Write at least two paragraphs in your journal.

2. Look at your responses to items 1, 2, 14, 25, 27, 30. What do these answers tell you about fear in your life? Write at least two paragraphs in your journal.

3. Look at your responses to items 2, 8, 10, 14, 20, 23, 24, 42. What do these answers tell you about the loneliness in your life and relationship? Write a least two paragraphs in your journal.

4. Look at your responses to items 4, 6, 8, 11, 12, 16, 19, 31, 38, 41. What do these answers tell you about blame and forgiveness in your life and relationship? Write at east two paragraphs in your journal.

5. Look at your responses to items 2, 3, 5, 8, 12, 26, 28, 34, 41, 42. What do these ansewrs tell you about the dreams in you life and relationship? Write at least two paragraphs in your journal.