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          Picking Up the Pieces of Your Broken Heart

          October 24, 2002

          As the old song goes, breaking up is hard to do. Yes, your heart is broken. But the good news is that putting it back together doesn’t have a thing to do with your ex — it’s all about you.

          Your Most Important Relationship is the One With Yourself
          You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. So get real about your situation: It’s over! For whatever reason, your ex doesn’t want to continue a romantic relationship with you. Until you understand and accept that, you won’t be able to begin the healing process. Although it’s nice to have a romantic relationship, it’s not necessary. You can be a whole person without being half of a couple. The old saying is true: It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with somebody else. If you’re terrified of being alone, you probably suffer from low self-esteem. You need to get in touch with your authentic self — that is, the core of who you are. Until you truly know and like yourself, you won’t find a healthy and compatible mate.

          Getting Through the Day
          Put things in perspective. Does it hurt? Yes. Will you miss certain things about your relationship? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Absolutely not! You’ll get through this heartache. Just take it day by day. Stay in the game! If you decide to be miserable all the time, you’re bound to miss out on good opportunities. Don’t let a breakup cheat you out of living a full life. Have the urge to call your ex? Replace that urge with an alternate, incompatible behavior. Go out with some friends, rent a funny movie, whatever — just do something to keep yourself busy.

          Relapses
          Remember that you teach people how to treat you. Don’t let anybody dump you and still use you whenever it’s convenient! You deserve better. Send the message that you’re moving on with your life, without your ex. You may be tempted to get back together, but is it worth it? People can have strengths and weaknesses, but the scale tips one way or another. At some point, you must evaluate whether your ex is causing you more grief than happiness. Is it really worth the stress and heartache? Probably not.

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