May 03, 2004
To rescue your relationship, you have to put it on Project Status. This means that you must consciously decide to actively, purposefully work on improving your situation each and every day. It’s not that you just “want to” or “intend to” work on it. You need to do it, every single day. Discipline yourself to do the work. You make time for other things in your life every day, and your work on your relationship should be no different. You need to set aside time each day to get your relationship recharged. It may mean that you must consciously reschedule or forgo other activities in order to make the time needed to work on your relationship. It may mean that you change your long-term schedule in terms of everything from weekends to vacations to allow you to deal with the relationship’s demands. Putting your relationship on Project Status means that it becomes of great conscious importance to you.
Putting your relationship on Project Status also means you must be committed for the long haul. A tried and true formula fits the need here: Be — Do — Have. Be committed, do what it takes, and you will have what you want.
There will be setbacks, there will be pain, there will be disappointment, but there will also be change. Stay committed to facilitating that change. You have to be committed to the long-term development of an entirely new lifestyle of thought, feeling and action. It is not enough to have some sort of “desire” or “hope” that you will develop a better relationship. You must be willing to reach down and find that long-hidden hunger for excellence that lurks somewhere inside you, and then you must be willing to unleash it.
Don’t forget about the importance of your relationship with yourself. You must demand nothing less than the best of yourself and for yourself. It is not wrong to demand dignity, love, honor, and romance in your life. You must decide that you are worthy of everything that you want. You must decide that peace, joy, and abundance in a relationship is not just for other people. It is for you. It is not selfish to want it, it is not naive to want it, and it is not immature to expect it. What is immature is to sell out and settle for less than what you really want.
It is not wrong to want, expect, demand and aspire to a relationship in which you are treated with honor, dignity and respect. It is not unrealistic to believe that your mate can and should be your soft place to fall. It is not a pipe dream to believe that God has provided for you another person in this world whom you can trust with your most intimate and vulnerable secrets and needs.
Exercise the belief within yourself that you can do this, and that your relationship can be much better. You are able to reprogram yourself for success rather than failure, and you are able to go from an individual hoping for a future to an individual making your future happen. And then both you and your partner can begin working to get what you want, to stop the pain that both of you are feeling, and to create more peace, love and the deepest joy in your relationship.