Research shows that 90 percent of the problems women have in achieving orgasm stem from a psychological nature. That’s good news because it’s all about you and it can be overcome. Dr. Phil offers the following advice:

• If you can achieve an orgasm alone, but not with a partner, you may have performance anxiety.
• Being anxious, worried or feeling pressured to have an orgasm with your partner can work against you. Anxiety is an arousal response — it can cause tension. An orgasm is a relaxation response. Those two are incompatible.
• If you’re wondering, “Am I doing this right? Is he judging me? Is he having fun? Does he like this?” during intercourse, the anxiety can take you away from your pleasure.
• Give yourself permission to change your internal dialogue. Say, “You know what? I am part of this exchange and I do have the right to ask for what I want. And I don’t have to have expectancies that I have to perform in some way. I’m going to enjoy this.” Give yourself permission to relax and go with the flow.

Some additional information regarding the female orgasm:

• Fifty to 75 percent of women who have orgasms need clitoral stimulation and are unable to have an orgasm through intercourse alone.
• Even for women who do orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone, most still need the right position to provide clitoral stimulation.
• Bring the woman very close to an orgasm before you actually engage in intercourse, so she has a better chance to have an orgasm once it begins.

  -- Understanding the Female Orgasm, Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist, July 2003. 

   

• Thirty-three to 50 percent of women experience orgasm infrequently and are dissatisfied with how often they reach orgasm.
• Performance anxiety is believed to be the most common cause of orgasm problems, and 90 percent of orgasm problems appear to be psychological in nature.

  -- Orgasmic Dysfunction, Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, September 2002. 

   

• Ten to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm.
• Only 35 percent of the female population will orgasm during intercourse.
• Reasons for failure to climax include: sexual ignorance, sexual anxiety, and fear of letting go.
• A sexual response is a complex blend of many physical and psychological variables.
• What a woman expects, how she believes she should respond, and how she thinks she should act, will all impact how she experiences, behaves during, and reports her orgasmic event.

  -- Pathways to Pleasure, Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist and Adult Sexuality Educator, 2000.