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          When a Baby Interferes With Your Marriage

          August 28, 2002

          Has your sex life disappeared since having a baby? Have you found that the reality of parenthood is a rude awakening — especially for your marriage? Don’t let having a baby ruin your marriage.
          • Remember that you have two roles. You are both a mother and a wife or a father and a husband. You must make a pact that you will not stop being friends and lovers just because you are moms and dads.

          • You need to renegotiate your relationship. Make a plan. Set a division of labor, time management and make a commitment to having fun and recreation in your life. Write it down and hold yourself and your partner accountable.

          • Your plan should not be based on willpower, because willpower cannot carry you for the long haul. You need to reprogram your life and stick to it, so that when the emotion isn’t there, the programming carries you.

          • You must take care of yourself and each other if you want to take the best care of your child. You are your child’s role models, so show him/her a good relationship.

          • Children join your life. You need to be a couple and integrate your child into your relationship. You were a couple before your child, and you will be together when he/she becomes independent.

          • Having children is a huge privilege and an awesome responsibility.

          • Don’t fight in front of your child — even a baby. It’s just wrong, and it’s not the environment you want for your child.

          • Remember the formula for a successful relationship: The quality of a relationship is dependent on the strength of its foundation and whether it meets the needs of the two people involved.

          • Don’t use your child as a dumping ground for problems with your relationship, especially problems that existed before you became a parent.

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