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          Your Troubled Sex Life

          September 03, 2002

          If sex is declining in your relationship, Dr. Phil offers the following advice for rekindling intimacy:

          • Sex is not the foundation of a healthy relationship; it is a natural extension of a relationship in which giving and receiving mutual support and comfort are common. If you want a good sexual relationship, it needs to be embedded in a good overall relationship.
          • Sex involves vulnerability. It is an act that can flow freely only with mental, emotional and physical trust. If you are having sexual frustrations, examine the relationship at large. Are you creating an environment of giving, receiving, trust and relaxation?
          • Sex should not be forced. It should be just one more way of expressing mutuality, support and caring. It can then be the springboard for more thoughts and appreciative behaviors that will bridge into the next, seemingly spontaneous, sexual interaction.
          • It is illogical for you to ignore your partner in the morning, bark at him/her during the day, argue in the evening, and then fall into his/her arms for a fanciful sexual adventure at night. Insensitivity, inattention and hostility make sexual intimacy unnatural. If you want a rhythmic pattern of sexual intimacy, then create a relational pattern that reflects the same intimate emotions.
          • If everything with your partner seems to be flowing consistently, problems with sexual relations may persist for different reasons. There are times when one or both partners become distracted and allow sexual interaction to slide down the priority scale. These couples have allowed a number of competing activities and circumstances to rob them of this very special, intimate exchange. You must consciously commit to putting sex back in your life.
          • When everything else is in place in a relationship, the sexual interaction is still crucial. The intimacy that comes from sexual interaction takes the relationship to a completely different level.

            Excerpts from Dr. Phil’s Relationship Rescue.

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