Patti Stanger Dishes about Dating, Detoxing and Sealing the Relationship Deal!
The sweetest of holidays has come and gone, and many women have soured on the notion of finding Mr. Right. They cite lack of quality mates, competition with other women or disenchantment with the dating marketplace as reasons they're still flying solo. Although Beyoncé's anthem to single ladies implored would-be lovers to hold out for a courtship with carats, is there a formula for getting a man to put a ring on it?
Patti Stanger, founder of The Millionaire's Club, says not only can you find the love of your life, but you could get hitched within a year. That's good news for women tired of date nights with their DVR, wondering if they'll ever meet The One.
Patti is no stranger to making bold statements, and Dr. Phil even calls her a woman after his own heart. The high-profile relationship counselor serves up no-nonsense advice on Bravo TV's The Millionaire Matchmaker and is credited with helping thousands meet their better half. But she's not just in the business of hooking up rich romantics. A self-proclaimed third generation matchmaker, Patti says all women can find love with her techniques. She recently released the DVD Married in a Year and promises that you can seal the deal within 12 months.
Patti chats with DrPhil.com about finding love in the New Year, dating detoxes and the worst mistake you can make on a first date.
So, is it possible for women to get a ring within 12 months?
Patti Stanger: My grandmother's recipe " it's been working since the beginning of time. If you're pretty much over the age of 28, and you know if you're out in the market place, if you give a guy more than a year he'll take advantage of you. You only want to give them 12 months, four seasons. That's what I like to call it.
What are some of the steps they can take?
Patti: The first step we start of with is in dating detox, which is a Dr. Phil step. Basically, you've got to clean your energy. You've got to prioritize, and this is about getting into you before you step off the cruise to meet another guy, because if you're messed up from your last relationship, or you're dating like a wild animal, you're in heat, you're in desperation. You want to make sure you're centered, you're kind of in a Zen place of dating, and then you're more likely to attract a quality individual. Then from there it goes on to a matchmaking map, to a makeover, to actually meeting the guy and closing the deal to monogamy and eventually the ring.
What do you say to critics who don't believe in putting time limits on finding true love?
Patti: That's great, but you put time limits on negotiating a business deal. Treat it like a business deal. Men are dogs. Women are cats. You've got to curb your dog.
What's your advice to single women who say there are no quality men out there?
Patti: Oh please. If you have to import them, import them from another state, country " I don't care. When you're looking for a job, and you've already had a job, you get a million jobs. It's no different. It's the same thing when looking for men, and everyone is passive aggressive, and then there's one guy who is not. You live, and you learn there are five women for one guy. There's one guy that wants you, the special one.
You mentioned taking a dating detox. Why is this ritual important?
Patti: Think about all the years you've been dating, and all the bad habits you've picked up. You need to clear the energy so they don't come into to the vibration frequency that you're emanating, so you attract somebody who's quality. You know my mom used to say, 'Healthy can only marry healthy. You can't marry a toxic guy if you're healthy,' so you've got to get clear and set your expectations.
Dr. Phil had some producers on the show that I was on a couple of months ago, and they had a wish list of 100 things [they wanted in a mate]. We looked at these people like they're crazy. You can't have excessive demands, but you can ask for the basics: Treat me nice, romantic, you know? A quality-minded individual who shows up on time and says he's going to do what he says he's going to do. You can't step off the curb with someone you don't feel chemistry. You can't force it.
" Patti Stanger
What are your top five online dating tips?
Patti: First of all, you've got to have a professional set up. I don't care what anyone says " best foot forward, and get the best guy. To get a better you, you need better set up. Get your hair done, get your makeup done, get good lighting and a good photographer. There is no exception to that rule. The second thing is you don't want to be sexually on verb; you just want to be enough to impress them. You want to be just enough, like 'bi-coastal beauty' or 'beauty, brains and crafts.' Just give them enough to say, 'I'm attractive, I'm pretty but I'm also smart.' You can't be overly over the top, because then you're a hooker. And never use the word 'generous' in a profile, because that means you're a gold digger, but you can say, 'Somebody who is like-minded, and I'm a giver.' And you want to make sure you say what you want. Don't be crazy and say you want to be married, but say, 'I'd like to grow old with someone.' You want to make it a softer expression of what you want.
Make sure you know what your interest and hobbies are. So, if you're a golfer, you want to meet a golfer. If you're a skier, you want to meet a skier. And everyone lies about their age. You've got to look at the photos. You've got to get a little bit of breathing room. That's why if your picture is current, and you're telling the truth, you're better off meeting somebody more in your box than someone who is not. If you show up, and you don't look like that photo, he is going to be pissed. We know we exaggerate as women, because otherwise they won't ask us out, but at the same time if you lie about your age, you've got to be prepared to get kicked out of the box.
How can you tell if he's The One?
Patti: When the guy is the one, he shows up on time, he calls when he says he's going to call. He compliments. He makes plans. He's attentive. He's not disappearing for long periods of time " because he could be married or dating someone else. You can spot that a mile away. When he's working, he's working, and when he's not, he's not. He checks his texts, and he calls. It's all about consistency.
Worst mistake to make on a date?
Patti: TMI. You drink too much, get drunk, and you tell too much information. 'My mom left my dad for a younger woman.' 'I'm out of work.' 'Oh, did I tell you I'm out of work?' They tell all these stories, and because you have two glasses of wine, you think you know this person. I can't tell you how many people say on the first date, 'You know me.' I say, 'I've never met you before.'
Don't make up a story in your mind. Don't start planning your wedding on the first date, just because it went well and you closed the restaurant down.
How do you find time for relationships?
Patti: You make a priority. Weekends are my time. Night is my time. I'm not addicted to fame. I did this to be successful, so I could have money for my family. You know how to prioritize. People who say they don't, they're narcissistic. When you want to spend time, you make time.