A Family Affair: Ed and Kandi

Ed and Kandi
Dr. Phil takes an in-depth look into the aftermath of an affair.
Ed and Kandi have been married for 12 years and have three children. "I never suspected Ed of cheating on me," says Kandi. But one night, while having a fight, Ed revealed that he was. "I was devastated," says Kandi. "I was floored. Ed told me that he loved me, but he wasn't in love with me. It was devastating because I knew he loved me."
 
Ed, a family physician, knew the other woman from work. "I was starved for attention. I was starved for physical pleasure," he says. "I was just desperately lonely at home. And very frustrated. The other woman was a nurse, a work friend. We started confiding things in each other and the flirtation became more explicit. It was supposed to be a quick, one time, this is crazy, but there was some chemistry between us that we didn't expect."
 
Kandi went to file for divorce, but changed her mind. "I chickened out. I couldn't do it," she says.
 
"I thought when I told my wife about the affair that she would want a divorce," says Ed. "Kandi's reaction surprised me. She wanted to use this terrible occurrence as a wake-up call to us as a couple."
"My wife went through a lot of turmoil because I continued to call this woman and see her," says Ed. "I just kept telling her over and over again, 'I feel like I've fallen out of love with you. I'm in love with this other woman. She makes me feel so much better.'"
 
And then another bombshell dropped when Ed received a phone call from his mistress, who revealed that she was pregnant. "All I could say was, 'Oh, my God' for about five minutes," he says. Ed called Kandi to tell her. "It was horrible. I had just sunk another dagger into my poor wife who had been through so much already."
 
"The phone literally dropped out of my hand," says Kandi. "He called me back and said, 'Get a grip on yourself. You are my wife. I am not going to leave you.'"
 
But Ed is not so sure. "The situation has gotten far beyond my control. I feel like I need to be at home and then eventually I miss the other woman and leave again. I need to just commit one way or the other. And I always wind up torn," he says.
 
"I think Ed's scenario is that he can come here and have me as his wife and then go and have his other needs met by her," says Kandi. "I'm at the end of my rope. If we can't fix this now, I'm out of here. I have got to move on with my life."
Ed explains why he's looking to Dr. Phil for help. "I've got a wonderful wife and a wonderful family and I've just somehow gotten myself into this predicament. I know there's a way out, there's got to be a way out ... I'm torn between these two women. I know what the right thing to do is, but I just can't seem to do it."
 
"What is the right thing to do, in your opinion?" asks Dr. Phil.
 
"Well, obviously the right thing to do is stop seeing the other woman and get my life back together," says Ed.
 
"You're an intelligent guy. You knew at the time you did this that it was the wrong thing to do, right? So how did you justify it in your mind at the time?"
 
"At the time, I was pretty miserable in the marriage. Me and my wife were not communicating whatsoever. We were leading two different lives in the same house. There would be very little interaction between me and her. It was always through the kids. So we just drifted apart," says Ed. "I didn't know what to do anymore with the marriage."
 
Kandi explains how she feels. "At this point, I feel I'm at the end of my rope. I've got to do something. He's either got to choose me or her."