A Family Affair, Part 2: Fighting

A Family Affair, Part 2: Fighting
Dr. Phil continues to take an in-depth look into the aftermath of an affair.
When Ed and Kandi were last on the show, Dr. Phil implored them to stop fighting in front of their three children. They promised that things would change. But just 10 days later, cameras in the home capture Ed and Kandi fighting in the kitchen with the children present.

Ed: She's better in bed than you.

Kandi: Really? Oh good, so you bring her to my house? You want to bring her to my house again?

A child interrupts: Better than Mommy? I think you're mistaken.

Ed: It was never meant to be. Face it.

Kandi: You're right. It wasn't. Unfortunately, I married you. Look what you did to me!

Later, at the kitchen table:

Kandi: Why don't you keep it up? In front of the kids.

Child: Daddy likes [other woman.] Bad Daddy, bad Daddy, that's breaking the rule. Let's call 911.
Dr. Phil is incredulous. "What in the hell are you thinking? Tell me again about how smart you guys are? I mean, come on. You have children in the room and you're saying, 'She's better in bed than you'?"

"I'm not proud of that," says Ed. "We get into these heated arguments. We push each other's buttons. The house is set up where the kids can basically hear us wherever they are — upstairs, downstairs ... And in the back of our minds we're thinking, 'We can't be doing this, we can't be doing this.' And we start pushing each other's buttons and before you know it we're in an argument and the kids hear it."

"I don't care if you're sitting there squeezing your fists until you are bleeding from the ears," says Dr. Phil. "You don't have the right to do this in front of your children. It burns their psychological skin and it scars that skin for life."
"For you guys, you vent, it's over, and so then you go and you guys make up. They miss the making up part. All they know is that the foundation, their protectors, the center of their home is fragmenting and falling apart. When you have a child use the term 'other woman' in a sentence, that's bad. That's a real bad level of awareness on those children. You have to stop this. You have to stop it. If you just have to get up and walk from the room, you have to stop it. Do not, repeat, do not ever do this in front of those children again. You will hate yourself for it."

"I already do," says Kandi.

"Children are resilient," he tells her. "You have not ruined these children. You can build this situation back, but you must stop the bleeding right here, right now."

"It's a matter of self-control," says Ed. "That's exactly what the problem is."
"Well, then put a lamp in every room and in that lamp, put in a red lightbulb. And when you think it's going into meltdown, one of you go over go over and flip it on and that is a signal: Danger, shutdown, somebody walk away. And if you do it after you see the red lightbulb on, then you're consciously throwing your children under the bus," says Dr. Phil.

"Well, I'll go into the bedroom and he'll follow me. I'll just go to get away," says Kandi.

"I heard both of you," Dr. Phil tells her. "I heard both of you throwing barbs back and forth. I don't care if he provokes you. You have a duty not to put your children through that. I don't care if she provokes you, you have a duty not to put your children through that."