A Family Affair, Part 3: Kandi
Dr. Phil speaks with guests on all sides of infidelity.After 12 years of marriage, Kandi learned her husband, Ed, was having an affair, and his mistress was pregnant. They came to talk to Dr. Phil to find out how to move on from the lies and betrayal. Ed and Kandi began to make changes in their marriage, until Ed ran into the other woman and learned she was having a girl. With Ed's new child due in less than eight weeks, Dr. Phil checks back in.

"Since the show, I started thinking really hard about what I need instead of thinking about how to fix Ed," says Kandi. "Every time Ed has told me he's ended it with the other woman, I believe him. He just manipulates me and puts us through all of this hell over and over again."

After visiting her dying father, Kandi came home to discover Ed in the shower. "I went to call my mom to let her know I was home and something told me to press the redial button," says Kandi. "I saw the other woman's number on there several times. I told Ed he needed to get out of the shower and get out of my house." Kandi called the other woman. "I said, 'You stupid whore.' She hung up on me."

After Ed left that night, Kandi got a call from her mother. "She said, 'Daddy's gone.' I just felt so empty and alone," says Kandi."When I saw the show on TV, I saw a side of Ed that I hadn't seen before or I chose to ignore. Self-absorbed, a lot of arrogance," explains Kandi.

After being kicked out, Ed found a reason to drop by every day. "He would say that he needed to see the kids, but I knew that he was coming by to see me, trying to win me back," says Kandi. "He would ask to sleep at the house and I said, 'You can sleep at the house, but only on your side of the bed. Don't get near me. Don't touch me.' He told me that he will never be happy with the other woman, 'I haven't called her in weeks, I haven't seen her.' He told me that I could check the phone bills, put a GPS on his car, hire a private investigator. So I did."

Kandi got evidence from the private investigator that Ed was visiting the other woman, but Ed denies it. "He just cannot break the addiction of being with her. At this point, I have a lot of hatred toward him," says Kandi. "I don't think Ed is a man because I don't feel a real man would do this to
his wife."

Still, Kandi is struggling to move forward. "It's hard to throw away 12 years of marriage. I'm scared to be on my own, but I feel like I'm wasting my time. My biggest problem right now is that I don't want to hurt Ed. I know that sounds stupid and I know he hurts me on a daily basis, but I just don't want to hurt him."
Dr. Phil explains that Ed refuses to come back on the show. "He doesn't like what I'm telling him. I'm telling him the truth," Dr. Phil says. "I don't wish Ed bad. I want everybody to be happy. I certainly want the kids to be taken care of."

He tells Kandi why he so badly wanted her to meet with him again. "You had the courage to walk out here with your husband, put this on the table, ask for help and in so doing, use your life to inform and inspire and impact millions of other people — many of whom are in a similar situation. And you're in the real tough parts of this right now. And he may bail on you, but I'm not going to," says Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil continues: "And I want to give you every resource, every bit of support, every bit of strength that I possibly can to help you do that and I want others to watch what you do and do the same thing. I want you to deal with this from a position of strength, not a position of weakness. I don't want you sitting around with your tail between your legs and your head down feeling sorry for yourself or being steeped in guilt and anger and bitterness. You've got to wake up and be honest and start taking care of your children's' mother."

"That's what I'm trying to do," says Kandi.

"Isn't it true that there's still a part of you that wants this to work out OK?"

 

"Of course there is," says Kandi.

"And every woman in America right now is yelling at her TV screen."

"But they're not in my shoes," she responds.

Dr. Phil goes over with Kandi some of the things she's realized since watching the last show, including that Ed really cares about somebody else and that through it all, he's never apologized for what he's done. Dr. Phil also reminds her that Ed encouraged her to come home while she was visiting with her dying father. "He said, 'No, he's not dying, you just need to come home' ... And your father did die."

"My father died that night," says Kandi.

"That very night that he told you to come home."

"Yes," she says, emotionally.

Kandi also explains that at the funeral for her father, "He tried to be supportive, but he was an a**hole. He was a jerk." After the funeral, Ed left to be with the other woman.

"Did he get you a Christmas present?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yes, the earrings I'm wearing."

"He got you earrings. What did he get her?"

"Earrings," she says, adding, "But mine are bigger. That's what he said."

Dr. Phil points out that Ed's mistress knows what Kandi looks like, but Kandi can't say the same. "She might be standing next to you in the line at the grocery store," he says, offering her a chance to see a photo of the other woman. "I'm not going to show this to anybody else, but I am going to show it to you."

Dr. Phil hands Kandi a photograph. "Oh, God," she says. "She's ugly. Really ugly."

"You are permitted that," says Dr. Phil.

"I don't know what he sees in her," says Kandi. "Oh, my God. Oh." Kandi shakes her head, then smiles. "I feel a lot better. I really do."

"Tell me why."

"Well, I think I'm much prettier than she is," says Kandi. "It just goes to show it's not about looks with him and her. It's just she has the power to give him what she thinks she needs to give him, which is sex. And that's what she's doing. Even at seven months pregnant."
"I know you've been through a very, very difficult time," says Dr. Phil. "Losing your dad and then all of this turmoil and stress in your life and you said you just feel tired and old and it's just hard."

"I feel spent," she clarifies.

"And I just don't want you to feel that way," says Dr. Phil. "I want you to take care of you. Get your strength back emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. Do all of the things that you need to do in your life. Is there anything that you want to say to him or to her right now?"

Kandi speaks to the camera: "The only thing I have to say to Ed is that you say you want to save the marriage, but you're not doing anything about it. And I've told you before that the marriage cannot be saved as long as we're living in that city. And I am going to move on no matter what."

"You understand that this can't be his choice. You have to make the choice," Dr. Phil reminds her.