A Family Affair: What to Do Now

What to Do Now
Dr. Phil takes an in-depth look into the aftermath of an affair.
"I have no idea how to even begin to explain this child to my kids," says Kandi. "What am I going to tell my children about this child that is not their own mother's?"
Dr. Phil asks Ed what he's going to do if it's discovered that the baby is in fact his child.
"I've gone over it in my mind maybe a million times and I still don't know what I'm going to do about it," says Ed.
"Let me ask you something. This doesn't affect what you do about the child now that it's here, but your mistress is a nurse. You're a physician ..."
"I know where you're going with this," says Ed.
"That just doesn't seem like a very high likelihood of a 'Whoops,'" says Dr. Phil. "I know nothing is 100 percent, but it just seems stranger than fiction that you two would be the ones who got burned."
Ed explains that at the time, he thought he was getting out of his marriage, so it didn't matter what happened. "I really didn't want her to get pregnant. On the other hand, I was like, 'So be it.' I was on my way out of the marriage ... I felt that everything I had done to my marriage, my wife, everything was consistent with one thing, which is leaving the marriage. That's how I justified it."
"Why couldn't he leave the marriage before starting the affair?" asks Kandi, and the audience applauds.

"Because I didn't think the affair was going to take on a life of its own," Ed answers. "We just thought it would be a fling ... Later the affair just grew and grew, but initially that wasn't the intent. The intent was just kind of like take a sip of water and then go back to the marriage."
"You say it was just a fling and 'a sip of water,' but yet you weren't guarding against getting her pregnant?" Dr. Phil asks.
"At that time, we were," says Ed.
"By that time, the sip of water theory was gone and now it was more of a relationship," Dr. Phil guesses.
"We were chugging on it, right," agrees Ed, continuing with his analogy.Dr. Phil acknowledges Ed's honesty about being torn between two women. He turns to Kandi: "What do you think I think about where you are in this?"

"I think you think I'm stupid for staying," Kandi says.
"Wrong," says Dr. Phil. "Stupid or any synonym of it is not a word I would use to describe you at all. You're obviously a very intelligent woman. You're mothering three children. You've made a home, you've made a life, you've done so many good and right things that you should really be proud of.
Turning to Ed, he says, "I also recognize that you have done a lot of right things in your life." But, he continues, "I think you have made some incredibly bad judgments. Incredibly bad. If you have problems within a relationship, then you fix them within a relationship. You never fix a problem in a relationship by turning to someone outside the relationship. That won't fix anything. All it does is create problems ... Whether you like it or whether you don't, you are married to this woman; whether you like it or whether you don't, you are the father of those three children; and whether you like it or whether you don't, you need to finish this one before you get involved in another one."Dr. Phil turns to Ed: "You said that you would never be able to work on this relationship as long as that woman is in your life."

"That's correct," replies Ed.
"So she's got to get out of your life," Dr. Phil tells him. "You have to be willing to say, 'I'm going to put 100 percent of myself into this relationship.' If it's nothing more than to dismantle it properly and create a new relationship as co-parents of these children, or if it's to try to rebuild a basis for staying together as a couple. Whatever it is, you owe nothing less to your marriage and family than doing what it takes to get this situation resolved before you go off and play house with somebody else."
Dr. Phil offers to work with them, but tells them they have to be honest and committed to resolving their situation. "You're not going to do that by just turning your backs on each other."