A Family Divided: Erin Explodes at Alex: DrPhil.com Exclusive

DrPhil.com Exclusive
Dr. Phil talks to Marty and Katherine about their relationship.
After the show, Dr. Phil answers questions from the audience. A man asks about dealing with anger. "When you blow up, how do you control that when you're dealing with stupidity?"

"Any time that you're feeling anger, then I promise you, it's either hurt, fear or frustration," Dr. Phil explains. "Anger is just an outside manifestation of the real emotions. The reason we express anger is because there's no fear of rejection. That is the safest emotion you can ever have from feeling hurt because you're on the attack."

He turns to Erin, telling her she should remove the word "anger" from her vocabulary. "What you really should have been saying if you had been emotionally accurate was, 'I am hurt that I trusted you and you didn't care enough to make me proud. I am frustrated that I can't seem to get you to do what I need you to do.'"

Dr. Phil tells the man that it is unproductive to react in anger by yelling or name-calling. "What you do is decide, 'Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?' If you want to be right, yell and scream and be self-righteous. If you want to be happy, by getting a result that you can live with, then you'll stay calm and stay plugged in."

Dr. Phil revisits his point with Marty about talking to his daughter about boys.

"I said if [Katherine] wants to talk about boys, that's your job," he says. "That what I meant when I said pull up a chair. If you had had those constructive conversations with Alex, there'd be

four people in that front row instead of five. I'm not saying that we don't love Nathan and that it's not great that he's here, but we might have picked a different time for that. If Katherine wants to talk about boys,
then you ought to want to talk about boys. You're her friend at the factory, right?"

"Right," Marty says.

"You actually have great insights about guys. You really do; we've talked about it. You understand guys. It's not what you say; it's how you say it. Because again, you get scared that she's wanting to talk about boys, and so you just want to blast back and it's an effective way to stop the conversation. You ought to be talking to her around the clock about boys."