A Family Divided Part 4

A Family Divided Part 4
Dr. Phil counsels a couple in crisis.
Erin places an urgent call to Dr. Phil.


Erin: I had a core meltdown about my concern about Martin and Alexandra deciding that they want to keep the baby.


Dr. Phil: I've watched real closely to see how responsibly and maturely Alex dealt with this decision-making process, and she doesn't even have the maturity to do this for a week or two weeks — and we're talking about 20 years.


Erin: So do I just put my foot down and say 'This can't happen?'


Dr. Phil: At this point, how would you feel about simply saying 'I can't stop you, but I don't have to enable you'?


Erin: That scares me.


Dr. Phil: You have to embrace this decision and see where it leads you mentally, emotionally and relationally with these people.

At home, Erin and Alexandra have a serious discussion about her decision to keep the baby.

Erin:
I want you to realize what's involved.
Alexandra: You're supposed to support me.
Erin: I am. But I am not going to enable you.
Alexandra: I feel like you're pressuring me to put this baby up for adoption.
Erin: It's best for the baby, Alexandra.
Alexandra: No, it's not what's best for the baby ... I don't think I would be able to take my baby and give him to someone else. That would be like you giving me to someone else when I was born.

Erin:
Alexandra, I know this is hard.
Alexandra: No you don't know! You've never had to make a choice like that: having your mother tell you she wants you to put the baby up for adoption but you don't want to.
Erin: You can choose whatever you want to do.
Alexandra and Erin talk to Dr. Phil via satellite.


"What do you want your mother to do?" Dr. Phil asks Alexandra.


"I just want her to support me ... I'm not asking her to take care of the baby, I don't expect her to, that wouldn't be fair ..." she responds.


"Erin, how do you feel ...?" Dr. Phil asks.


"It's really difficult for me to say that I'm not going to enable Alexandra ... I'm on a 12-step program for enabling ..." Erin says. "I have to keep reminding myself that it's her baby, it's her decision, and she has to take most of the responsibility. I will help but I'm not going to take over. I have to wake up in the morning and say 'I'm not going to enable my family.'"