A Family Divided: Surprise for Alex

Erin and Marty React
Dr. Phil sends Alex and Katherine to talk with Jay about boys and dating, plus he has a life changing surprise for Alex.
Dr. Phil asks Alex about meeting Jay's friends. "Did you take some things away from that besides, those were cute boys?"

She replies, "The guys I used to hang out with didn't care about where I was going after high school. They didn't care what I wanted to do. They just assumed they would get in my pants. And after talking to [Jay's friends], there are cute guys that don't just want to get in your pants. They want to be your friend, and talk to you, and they care about your future."

Dr. Phil explains, "The whole idea that Jay had in mind by bringing all his friends ... It is just to show you there is a different set of values, a different set of guys. They're goal oriented. They're motivated. They're hardworking. They've got a future. They've got a drive. I wanted you to see that because you were saying, 'No, I have lowered my standards.'"Dr. Phil asks Erin and Marty how they feel after listening to Alex tell Jay that she is hurting because she has no friends, and
thinks that people don't like her because of her bad decisions.

Through tears Erin says, "It's just heartbreaking to know that both of my daughters, who are so intelligent and smart and could have the world at their feet, they don't like themselves and are making really bad choices. I really want to help them get past that. I feel like I'm stuck."

"I blame myself a lot because she has those thoughts," Marty tearfully says. "I never really showed love and affection to either of them."

Dr. Phil reminds Marty, "You're the man in these girls lives. You need to fill that space up so much that there isn't room for anybody else right now."

Dr. Phil asks Robin to share her thoughts with Marty about how he should help his daughters, especially Katherine.

"As her father, you should be saying to her,'There isn't a man in this world that will ever speak to you that way,'" she explains. "'You do not deserve that. You are too good for that, and I will protect you for the rest of your life' ... My father told me every day I was loved, I was valued, I was important, and he would protect me always."

Dr. Phil explains to Marty,

"Robin is telling you exactly what you need to do. You need to be telling [Alex and Katherine], 'You are not alone. You've got one man in this world that loves you, thinks you are absolutely wonderful, and ain't nobody going to be dogging on you as long as I'm drawing a breath' .... You need to do it every single day of your life."

Dr. Phil ends the conversation saying, "The failure to do that is one of the things that contributed to [Alex] making a bad decision whether you realize it or not!"

Dr. Phil says to Alex, "I don't think you even ought to be dating yet ... You're not ready to do that. It doesn't mean that you can't have guy friends, doesn't mean there aren't things you can do, but there are some things you've got to put in place first."

He explains that kids in Alex's generation are moving so fast, with many having sex before they have even learned how to have a relationship — with themselves or with someone else.

"The way this is supposed to work is, you form a relationship with somebody that is based on trust, mutual respect and caring, and all these things that lead up to increased levels of intimacy," Dr. Phil says. "At this point we've got a generation of kids whose bodies are ready and willing, whose minds and hearts and spirits aren't yet developed enough to keep up with their bodies. You still haven't learned how to build a relationship yet."

He continues, "Right now, you're defining entertainment as boys, and the problem with that is that you don't have a passion in your life." Dr. Phil tells Alex that it is important to have varied interests and something she is passionate about, so she will have something productive to devote her time to, and not be so focused on boys.

In many talks with Dr. Phil over the last few months, Alex has mentioned that she has a passion for marine biology. Dr. Phil wants to help her develop that passion.

He, too, loves marine biology and is a serious scuba diver. He often goes diving with Jay and Jordan in the Cayman Islands, where they met Dr. Tom Byrnes, a Marine Biologist with the Cayman Marine Lab.

Dr. Phil surprises Alex saying, "I contacted Dr. Tom Byrnes, and I've told him about you ... I've told him that we want to send you to the Cayman Marine Lab, get you completely certified in scuba diving with a marine biologist, and show you what it's really like to be in the ocean with all the animals. What do you think about getting excited about that instead of some boy?"

"All right! Let's go now!" Alex exlaims.