A Family Divided: The Real Marty: On or Off Camera

One-on-One with Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil talks with Marty about his honesty and his relationships with his wife and daughters.
At the end of the last show, Alex and Katherine said Marty acts one way when the cameras are on, and completely different once the cameras are turned off. Dr. Phil asks Marty if he's being genuine with his family.


Marty says he is being genuine, but admits that he does "blow up" at times.


"I've tried to let each of you find your place in this family and define that," Dr. Phil explains. "We're coming to a point in the arc of this family history, that it's time for people to step up and be honest and be real, and own where they are and own their contaminations to the situation and their contributions to the situation. Because we're at a point where, your marriage in particular, is either going to get better, or we're going to be headed to the courthouse."


Erin agrees with Dr. Phil, but she doesn't think Marty understands the severity of the situation. "Marty thinks that I will stay with him forever no matter how our relationship is," she says. Dr. Phil asks Marty if that is true, and Marty says, "I don't know."

 

In a videotape piece, Erin, Alexandra and Katherine discuss
Marty's behavior on and off camera.


"Marty has a huge personality difference between on and off camera," Erin says. "The angry Marty off camera is pretty mean, and he's pretty vicious and brutal. He goes with his emotions and lets it fly. He's a 12-year-old in a verbal fistfight with everybody."


Katherine agrees, saying that Marty is on his "best behavior" when the cameras are on, and doesn't act like his "normal self."


Katherine and Alex describe a recent fight Alex and Marty had. Alex noticed the camera was off, so they turned it on.

Marty started yelling at her, and then turned it off and rewound the tape so they would record over it.


Erin says she really wants the family to get help, but if Marty isn't honest, this won't happen. "If Dr. Phil can't see the part of us that's unhealthy, we're not going to get better. [Marty] gets really angry because he doesn't want anybody to see the real Marty."

Marty admits he does get angry at times, but says they have misrepresented how he handles the cameras. "There are times that I'd like to have conversations with my kids without the cameras on," he explains.


"The comment was that you had a meaningful conversation about a subject matter that we have been dealing with, and when you found out the camera was on, you stopped it, rewound it, and recorded over it. Why?" Dr. Phil asks him.


"I don't have a reason why," Marty says.


"Well that's not an answer," Dr. Phil tells him.


"It's the best one I can give you," Marty replies.


"You told me at the beginning of this journey, 'I will hide nothing ... I will give you 100% open candor because I know you can't fix what you don't see,'" Dr. Phil reminds him. That was the deal we made, right?" Marty agrees that it was and Dr. Phil says, "Is this consistent with that deal?"


After a long pause Marty says, "Other than that little clip, yeah."

"I don't care what you put on the table. My belief is, if I've got it in front of me, I feel like there is nothing we can't deal with," Dr. Phil explains to Marty. "The worst thing in the world that can happen is if somebody comes and puts half of the cards out on the table. So I work out all these different things to do — methods, techniques, behaviors, changes — and then I find out I was dealing with half of the deck. I don't want to deal with half of your deck. I'm cheating you if I allow you to do that," he says to Marty. "Do I have a full deck in front of me here? Am I dealing with all the Marty cards?" he asks him.


Marty says, "Yes," and Erin shakes her head no.

"What I want to talk about is what you can do or not do to change this situation," Dr. Phil tells Marty. "You're going to be divorced soon if you don't change something."


"I started this journey dedicated and devoted to helping you, and I sit here today, dedicated and devoted to helping you. I have never given up on you. I'm not giving up on you now. You said it's give and take, you've got to give some. You've got to help me, you've got to help them, you've got to help yourself,"

Dr. Phil says. He tells Marty that because of his physical abuse growing up, he has developed a survival philosophy of evasion and avoidance. "The best thing to do was tell them what they want to hear and get out of the room as fast as you could. Because if you told them what they didn't want to hear and if you stayed, you got the hell beat out of you," Dr. Phil says. Marty agrees with Dr. Phil and admits that was how he survived his childhood.


Dr. Phil reminds him that this is a new day and he needs to change his survival mechanism. "You deal with them, but when it comes to you, you avoid, duck, weave, get out of the moment, and don't have to deal with the reality ... I think there are times that you are very genuine and I think there are times that you're just ducking and weaving." Marty agrees with him.