"Kevin claims to have changed. He claims to have been saved. He claims to have been delivered from all his anger, and lust and rage, and he made that claim in front of our church," says Heather.
"She's always skeptical of things I do," Kevin says. "I've completely turned things over to Christ and say, â€˜It's you. It's all you.' I'm tired of doing things my way. I've surrendered."
"I don't believe him, because he's still being violent," Heather says, noting that he was violent with her a few weeks ago. "Kevin grabbed me, threw me on the bed, put his hands between my legs and told me he can take it if he wants it, and I need remember that."
Kevin admits, "I have had outbursts, and I have done some physical things to her that have definitely put a strain on our relationship."
Heather recalls another serious altercation between her and Kevin. "A few days before he went on his Christian men's retreat, he shoved
Kevin remembers, "I grabbed her arm and I was trying to get the keys from her, and it kind of forced her to the ground."
Heather confronted Kevin. "I said, â€˜OK, you claim to be saved, so isn't murder a sin?' And Kevin said that God will forgive you of sin. Murder is no different than adultery and lying," she says. "I would like to ask Dr. Phil how to help me protect my daughter and my family and our friends. Everybody's afraid of Kevin."
Kevin is ready for things to change. "I am so tired of the controversy and fighting. It's making life very miserable," he says.
"No, it's a work in progress."
Dr. Phil points out the ways Kevin has continued to be violent since his awakening. "You say, â€˜I bent her over backward, got on top of her, got in her face with mean and angry faces screaming, "Leave me alone." I grabbed her by the arm. I forced her to the ground,'" he says. "She says you've threatened to crush her to death and squeezed her when she was crying about the affair, told her if she was a dog, you would shoot her, held a knife to her throat, twisted her breast when you were angry, taught your daughter to call her the C word, and that you imagined going to the kitchen, getting out a steak knife and stabbing her to death."
"A lot of that was before the experience," Kevin says. "I've said a lot of mean things that I don't have any intent of actually going through with." He asks Dr. Phil what he's supposed to do after he's talked with Heather for hours, and then they get in an argument. "I am trying to get away from her. I am not trying to attack her. And then eventually, I hit my breaking point, and I intimidate her. I do. I get angry," he explains. "I'm like, â€˜Just leave me alone. Get out of my face.'"
"You don't ever " never, ever " lay a hand on a woman in anger," Dr. Phil makes clear. "It costs you your character. It takes away who you are. That is not what a man is to do." He notes that even if Heather were to physically attack him, he should never lay a hand on her. "Nobody would do that except a bully, a coward or a deranged individual. You don't want to do that. That has to stop."
"Whenever I do bully her, I do feel bad about it. I hate myself for being that way," Kevin admits.
"That's the guilt-rage cycle," Dr. Phil tells him. "You've got to make a decision that if you have to go away and never come back, that you will never hit this woman again."
Heather shakes her head.
"I'm going to take myself out of the equation before that happens," Kevin says.