Are They Still Fighting? Todd and Gina

Are They Still Fighting? Todd and Gina
Did a couple on the brink of divorce after infidelity repair their marriage?

Todd and Gina

On "Cheaters," Todd admitted that after three years of marriage he'd had an affair. His wife Gina could not get over the infidelity and they were on the verge of divorce. Now Todd says he's stopped cheating, but Gina feels the trust is gone.

 

Both Gina and Todd say they tried to work on their marriage immediately after the show, even attending a "marriage boot camp."

 

"It was excellent," recalls Todd. "I've probably never felt better about our relationship."
 
Gina says that things soon turned for the worse: "About a month after the show, Todd started gambling. It got much worse and we decided to separate."
 
"I stopped gambling six months ago," insists Todd. "I quit drinking, haven't cheated on Gina, and started reading Dr. Phil's books."

When Gina had a change of heart and told Todd he could move back in, she says that Todd had three conditions: they couldn't fight in front of the kids, she had to give him a complete disclosure of her financial status, and they had to resume their physical relationship.

 

"I was furious," says Gina, who objected to having conditions placed on her.
 
When she came home, Gina found divorce papers stuck in the door. But a few days later, Todd e-mailed her to say he no longer wanted a divorce.
 
Though they both want to save their marriage, Todd says, "Gina doesn't want to let go of the power she got over me when I strayed."
 
"I don't trust Todd," says Gina. "But I don't want a divorce. I just don't know where to go from here."

"This is the first time you've seen each other in a month, right?" Dr. Phil asks Gina. "How do you feel when you see him? Do you miss him?"
 
"I don't miss the chaos," she says. "I don't feel he's my friend. I feel like he's constantly looking for me to screw up because he screwed up."
 
Dr. Phil asks Todd, "How do you feel about being here with her right now?"
 
"I miss her," says Todd. "I don't want a divorce. I want my family to stay together. We've got three kids and I love my wife."
 
Dr. Phil asks Todd why he recently developed an online relationship with a woman. Todd admits it was wrong, but says the woman had many things in common with Gina so he wanted to ask her for advice in order to rebuild his self-confidence.
"I want to give you guys a rule to follow here," says Dr. Phil. "Any time you turn away from your partner to meet an emotional, spiritual or physical need, that's a bad deal. You say you needed your confidence built up so you went and got a surrogate so you could get some feedback. The person you need to be asking those questions to is Gina."
 
Turning to Gina, Dr. Phil says, "There comes a time when you need to stop complaining and start asking. And you have to be reasonable. You have to trust, one degree at a time. And you've got to be trustworthy as well. Because at first you said, 'I want you to come home.' Then you said, 'Well, I want it to be a 30-day trial.' Then you said, 'Let's make it two weeks.' Then you said, 'Let's make it day-to-day.'"
Both Gina and Todd try to argue about the accuracy of the recent chain of events. Dr. Phil interrupts them, saying, "It's not about being right. It's about figuring out what you have to do in order to have a chance to be happy and tranquil. At some point somebody has to step up, take a chance and extend an olive branch. Gina, if you can't do that, then don't. But if you can, you need to contribute that. Todd, you need to understand that when you choose the behavior you choose the consequences. And that's why I told you the rule. You don't want to turn away from your partner looking for the things you need."
 
"The only person you control is you," says Dr. Phil. "You need to be asking yourself every day, 'What can I do to make this relationship better?'"