Are You a Modern Woman? Settling

Too Picky or Practical?
Dr. Phil is rejoined by his panel of experts: comedian Kathleen Madigan; Emmy award-winning writer and new mom Teresa Strasser; legal analyst Lisa Bloom; Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis, associate professor of psychology at Pepperdine; Patti Stanger from Bravo's The Millionaire Matchmaker and civil and family attorney Areva Martin.
 
Representing for the men are Grammy-nominated comedian Ron "Tater Salad" White, actor/comedian Jon Lovitz of the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club in Universal City and Mark Walberg, host of Antiques Roadshow.
 
Astra, a Dr. Phil producer, explains why she refuses to settle in relationships. "It's not fair to me and to the guy. I have to remind myself of what is important for me," she tells Dr. Phil. "Just because I'm getting older, I'm not going to forget that just so I can have a warm guy in the bed, so I can have my eggs fertilized. It's not happening. I'd rather be by myself."[AD]
 
"I think you're really happy being single. I think a lot of women are happy being single, and that's the unspoken message here," Lisa says. "We don't all have to be married."
 
"I would like a guy," Astra says with a smile.
 
Dr. Phil introduces Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. She says, "There are absolutely women who don't want to get married, and that's fine. For the women who do, and at any age " it isn't because you're getting older â€" we should look for what's important, and what's going to be important down the line."
"I think it depends on what you're compromising about," says Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis. "One of things that [Astra] said is that the list has changed in terms of taking the physical things off and putting the character things on."
 
Jon jokes, "If I was on a date with a girl, and she goes, ‘I have a list of 100 traits that I want from you,' I'd be like ‘Check!' It's impossible."
 
Kim, a former guest, told Dr. Phil that she has a 20-item checklist of criteria that potential suitors must meet. On a recent date, Kim admits that she handed the man her list and asked him to check off all of the qualities that applied to him.
 
Dr. Phil turns to Jon. "What would you do if you went out with her and she said, ‘Hell, just check [off items on the list]'?"[AD]
 
"I think she's nuts. I wouldn't do it," Jon replies.
 
Dr. Phil addresses Kim. "What did he do?" he asks, referring to her date.
 
"He said my list wasn't that bad. I haven't heard from him since," she says with a laugh.
 
"The one thing I've learned is you can't save someone, you can't fix them, you can't change them. You have to like them for their good parts and their qualities," Jon says.

Patti, who recently got engaged, says, "All you get, I hate to tell you, all you single girls in the audience who think you're holding out for the Holy Grail and are going to end up in the nursing home, you only get 51 percent [of the qualities you're looking for]."

"Are you saying that your partner is getting 51 percent?" Dr. Phil asks her.

"He's getting a little bit more than that," she replies. "I was going through this whirlwind relationship. He showed up, it wasn't a good time, but I made him my best friend. That's the core."

[AD]"I think you also should be the person that you want to marry," Dr. Thema interjects. "So the attributes you're looking for in people, make sure you have them yourself." 

Addressing the idea of keeping a list of criteria for potential mates, Mark says, "It's a great idea to get your thoughts together. It's a terrible idea to show to the guy you're dating."

Dr. Phil addresses Ron White. "Did you have a list for Margo?" he asks, referring to Ron's fiancée.

See Ron's response!