Ready to Wed?
"The first time that Adam proposed to me was on our five-year-anniversary. Ten months into the engagement, I found out that he was seeing another woman," Laurie recalls. "That made me feel betrayed, hurt. I was very shocked that it had happened."
"I hurt the only person who was always there for me. It was very painful," Adam admits.
Laurie says she and Adam reconciled two years ago, but she still has doubts. "Things were rocky at the beginning, but we worked through all of our issues. A year ago, Adam proposed again. We just want to make sure that when we walk down the aisle, the commitment that we make will be forever," she says.[AD]
"We find ourselves arguing over imaginary problems," Adam says.
Laurie agrees. "Our fights escalate pretty fast from just a normal conversation to yelling," she says.
"We're worried that one of us will get to a point where we're just done," Adam says.
Laurie turns to Dr. Phil for help. "Are we ready to get married?" she asks.
Dr. Phil addresses the couple. "What do you think I'm going to say?" he asks.
"We might not be ready at this moment," she replies, "but I know we will be ready, at some point."
Adam agrees. "We just need to find the tools to get us past the little problems," he says.
"Why do you think you're not ready?" Dr. Phil inquires.
"The small fights that we have. The communication issues," Laurie replies. "Sometimes, we'll fight over the silliest little things."[AD]
Dr. Phil says that if Laurie truly wants to marry Adam, she has to make sure that it's not because she's tired of being single and living with her parents. "There's a big difference between moving toward something and moving away from something," he notes. "Are you sure it's him that you want?"
"Definitely. I think we've grown up," Laurie says.
Adam says he's positive that Laurie is the one. He tells Dr. Phil that he was immature when the affair occurred. "I was 20 years old, and for the first time in my life being introduced to the college aspect of life," he reveals. "I got distracted."
"You two both seem like really nice people," Dr. Phil observes. "But you have to ask yourselves: Do you have a plan? Have you talked about kids, and what your expectancies are there? Sex and what your appetites are there? What are you going to do career-wise? What kind of division of labor are you going to have at home? Where do you stand religiously? What's going to happen with regard to money? How are you going to manage in-laws? Where do you put the fence lines with family? All of those things you have to really talk about and have a good plan about, and then you have to figure out how you can get along without these arguments going from zero to 60 in two seconds, because that will just intensify when you're together 24/7."
They both answer in the affirmative.[AD]
"I do want to get married, especially to her, but maybe not yet," Adam adds. "By all means, if now isn't the right time ""
"Now is not the right time," Dr. Phil reiterates. "You definitely are good candidates; just don't do it yet."