Consumed with Conceiving
"I want to have a baby more than anything in the world with my husband, Chris," says Candace, who has been married for over three years. "From the day we met, I knew he would be the perfect father of my child."
 
"On a scale of one to 10, I think as far as wanting children, Candace is at, like, a 100," Chris says. He explains his reluctance to increase his family size. "I have been married twice before Candace. With my first wife, I have two daughters. With my second wife, I have one son. I got a vasectomy because after my son was born, I decided I really don't want to have any more children, at this point."
 
[AD]"When he told me he had the vasectomy, I was shocked, and I was devastated," Candace shares.
 
Chris says that if he were to have his vasectomy reversed, the procedure would be expensive. "It costs $7,000. The odds are about 60 to 75 percent that you can have children again," he says. "When she talks about her dream of having a baby, and I know that I can't give it to her, it makes me a little sad."
 
"I can't imagine my life without a child, and I can't imagine my life without Chris," Candace laments. "My question for Dr. Phil is: I'm ready to have a child. When do I know that Chris is ready?"
 
Dr. Phil addresses Candace. "You've already gotten a decision," he informs her. "You just didn't like it, right?"
 
She nods.
 
He turns to Chris. "You so much decided you were through having kids that you had the plumbing altered," he teases.
 
"When I had that done, I was in a relationship. I was married, and I thought that marriage was permanent," Chris answers.[AD]  
 
"Are you thinking about reversing it? Is that even on your radar?" Dr. Phil inquires.
 
"For Candace, yeah. It's on my radar."
 
"She told us that she thinks about this 20 times a day. That means her clock is ticking, and once that goes off in a woman, it isn't going to go away," Dr. Phil says.
 
 
 
Dr. Phil drills down to the root of the couple's problem. He faces Chris. "You have three children you're not raising now. You're worried about having another one, then what if she takes that baby and leaves? There you are with four children in the world, and you're not getting to raise any of them," he says. He cites some startling statistics. "The divorce rate for third marriages is close to 70 percent. Now that's just the facts. This is your third marriage, so you have realistic reason " I don't mean to kill the romance here " but you have realistic reason to be concerned about what's going to happen in the future."
 
[AD]"I would say that is very accurate," Chris says.
 
Dr. Phil turns to Candace. "Are you ready to have a baby? Yes, you are," he says. "As a couple, are you ready to have a baby? Not even close."
 
Dr. Phil says Candace and Chris should talk about their relationship issues, rather than topics, to resolve their dilemma.