Ask Dr. Phil About Sex
Dr. Phil talks to a couple who say the intimacy has faded from their relationship.
"Just because Frank's retired from work, we do not want our sex life to retire," says Sherry. She and her husband are both 48, and they worry that their marriage has lost its spark. "We went from a very passionate relationship to now just rolling over in the bed, not even facing each other."

She blames herself for the sexual problems they face. "I've gone from a size 5 to a size 14. It's been maybe the last five or six years that I refuse to let Frank see me naked," she says. "When I come out of the bathroom, I'm constantly covered up."

Frank and Sherry were high school sweethearts, and he used to seduce her all the time. "In the beginning of our marriage, I'd make her bath water with scents and things in there. I'd have candles lit. I don't know why I stopped doing those things," he confesses. "It's kind of strange that we live in this house together, but we still cannot connect."

Sherry misses their intimacy as well. "When Frank and I were first marred, we had a wonderful sex life. I would do all kinds of crazy things back then. I remember wrapping myself up in ribbon one Christmas. I was his gift."

They turn to Dr. Phil to help heat things up."You stopped being friends and lovers and started being moms and dads," Dr. Phil explains. Addressing Frank, he asks, "You haven't really known her in a one-on-one romantic, emotional, physical, intimate sense for a long time, right?"

Frank agrees. "It's amazing how fast things can slip by that you think is OK," he says.

Sherry clarifies, "He was always so busy. He had two jobs and was working all the time."

"And now you're reaping the problems that come from that neglect," Dr. Phil says. "It's kind of like a garden. If you don't tend it, all of a sudden you look up and it's just a weed patch. It's just gone."

Sherry thinks her weight contributes to the problem. "I look in the mirror and it's like 36-26-36 — I don't know where it even went. It's hiding in there I'm sure," she jokes.

"You can change that if you want to, but it's not what it's about," Dr. Phil says.
Dr. Phil assures the couple that it's not too late to turn their situation around. "You can come right now into a phase of your life that can be the most exciting that you've ever had," he says. Frank needs to start rediscovering his wife. "She is not who you think she is. You loved her before. You were attracted to her before. You were excited by her before," Dr. Phil observes. "And I promise you, the depth of her experiences — the things that she's learned, all the things that have happened in the last 25 years or so — I promise you have made her even more interesting."

Sherry should also make a project of finding out what Frank likes and values. If her body image bothers her, she should change it. "You are who you are whether you're a size 5 or a 14," Dr. Phil says. "But if you don't want to be a size 14, change it. Get where you're comfortable in your own skin and proud of your body again. He doesn't care about that. I promise you he doesn't care about that. But if you do, get busy changing that."
"You have to behave your way to success," Dr. Phil explains. Addressing Frank, he says, "You say, 'I used to draw a bath. I used to light candles.' Well, you know what? That's a good template to start with again. Seduce your wife."

Since their honeymoon wasn't memorable, Dr. Phil announces that they need to have another
one. "We talked to the experts at and we're sending you on a week-long vacation in Kauai in Hawaii," he says.

Kari Swartz from gives the details. "We're going to put you up for six nights and seven days at the Hyatt Regency Kauai Resort and Spa. We're going to send you on two of's most popular activities — one of which is the Kauai Fern Grotto tour and the second one is the helicopter tour," she tells the surprised couple.

Dr. Phil has another gift for Frank and Sherry. Since they are both retiring to Rio Rancho, New Mexico, they will receive one-year memberships to Gold's Gym in that area.