Ask Dr. Phil About Sex
Dr. Phil talks to a woman who dates men as young as her son.
"My son, Jeff, has a real problem accepting the fact that I am a woman and a sexual being," says 52-year-old Lori, who is currently involved with a 22-year-old. "I've tried men in their 30s, but 20-something guys have so much energy."

Jeff, 25, makes a face of disgust when discussing his mom's dating preferences. "She needs to act her own age, be a grandmother," he says. "I hoped she'd date someone about her own age."

Lori was married to her high school sweetheart for 20 years, and said her life was very ordinary. When she turned 40 and was legally separated, she felt a sense of sexual liberation. "I'm liking the freedom to experience with different men, different styles. I got it on with a 25-year-old last week, and it's a great feeling," she reveals.

Jeff is embarrassed that his mom hangs out with men his age. "I hear stories from everybody: 'I saw your mom out partying last night. She likes to party,'" he relates.

Lori calls her escapades harmless and wants Jeff to be more accepting. "Dr. Phil, how do I make my son understand that I'm a passionate woman with sexual needs and not just his mom?"
"What do you think about your son's objections to all of this?" Dr. Phil asks Lori.

She replies, "I respect his objections and I understand where they're coming from. On the other hand, I'm sure he would admit that he's checked out older women as well."

Jeff explains what he thinks his mom should be doing. "What I'd like to see is her sitting on a couch reading a book," he says."Does that bother you at all that you're just kind of hopping around from one bed to another?" Dr. Phil asks Lori.

"You make that sound like that's a bad thing," she says coyly. "I'm quite content with my life and this works really well for me."

"And you say you only want young guys cause they've got staying power," Dr. Phil probes.


"Being as I'm your age, I kind of take offense to that part of it," Dr. Phil jokes.

Lori clarifies, "In my experience, it hasn't gone as well with older men."

Dr. Phil turns the tables on Lori. "Would you have a problem if Jeff was involved with someone your age?" he questions.

Lori is ambivalent. "I would like to say I wouldn't be a hypocrite. It would probably be a little bit odd and unusual for me initially, just because it would be very different," she admits.
Dr. Phil digs deeper. "How do you feel when you see an older guy with a 20-something girl?"

Lori replies, "It doesn't matter to me. I think the difference between older women and younger men is very different than older men and younger women."

When Dr. Phil asks for clarification, she answers, "I think the older men a lot of times just want that status symbol on their arm. Someone to make them feel better, take care of them."

Dr. Phil notes that Lori refers to herself as a "cougar." He turns to Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar, to elaborate on this term. "A cougar is an older woman who prefers to date younger men. And she's a sophisticated woman, often professional, very much in control of her life, good looking, sexy, active — just like Lori," explains Valerie.

Dr. Phil tells Valerie that he found her book entertaining, but was disturbed that she referred to young men as "prey."

Valerie goes into detail. "We look at men as wonderful people to have a relationship with. If you're single and they're single, this is wonderful ... And having sex with a younger man is wonderful, as Lori says. And I think her son should celebrate her. Men have done this for centuries. They've dated younger women. It's our turn."
Jeff realizes that there's more than embarrassment that he's feeling. "What bothers me is the fact of her going out and partying all the time. But that could just be me being jealous because I lived that life for the last 10 years and then boom - I have my daughter and it's straight over," Jeff admits. "I don't go out anymore. I don't party. That's probably what the whole basis of that is."

"So you don't object to her kicking up her heels — you just wish you could too?" Dr. Phil clarifies.

"Pretty much."

Lori chimes in, "I don't think he likes the way I look when I'm kicking up my heels, when he sees that picture of me in the red dress."

"I just think that you want to be sensitive to your son, but I'm not saying you should be dominated by his thinking," Dr. Phil tells her.