Ask Dr. Phil: Heather

Flirting with Dr. Phil
She loves to flirt ... but women seem to hate her for it.

Growing up in Baltimore, Heather was very shy. Since she didn't have confidence in her verbal skills, she started using body language. Now 28, she says other women misread her, judging her before they even talk to her.


"How can women feel more comfortable around me and not judge me?" she asks Dr. Phil. "It's in my nature to be friendly and talkative."

[AD]"Do you believe that people make a statement when they present themselves to the world?" Dr. Phil responds, asking her to take a closer look at why women judge her. "I think you send very clear messages, and women read them with great precision. They just don't like [the messages]!"

Dr. Phil asks Heather to give him a taste of her flirting skills. Heather uses her smile, eye contact, and is very touchy. (Her cleavage was also hard to miss!)


Heather also shows off how she flips her hair when chatting with a man.

"You actually work that hair toss into casual conversation?" jokes Dr. Phil.



Touching a married man crosses the barrier of what's acceptable, explains Dr. Phil, (though in this situation he asked Heather to show her flirtacious ways).

[AD]"What women with husbands see is that you're a shotgun blast that may be aimed at a single guy, but their husbands are watching too," he says. "'Nothing good can come from him being around her,'" women with husbands are telling themselves.


The conversation gets serious when Dr. Phil tells it like it is. "Be sensitive to the impact of your actions on other people," he says. Other women will only want to get to know Heather if they don't consider her to be a threat. "Define the relationship in a way that is non-threatening. See it through their eyes to figure out what's threatening them," he says. "Don't threaten the people you want to seem receptive to."