Ask Dr. Phil: Lainie
Dr. Phil talks with a single mom about dating after divorce.
Lainie writes Dr. Phil:I am a recently divorced mother of three boys, ages 8, 6 and 4. I don't want my boys to look back on the men their mom dated as a negative defining moment. Dr. Phil, when and how do I introduce new men into my boys' life?
"I think you have to be very careful about two things," explains Dr. Phil. "Number one: Allowing your kids to meet a man in your life. And number two: Allowing them to bond with that person unless and until you know or can predict with fair confidence that this is going to be a long-term relationship."
Dr. Phil explains that divorce is a disruption in the lives of children. Even if the father does a great job of maintaining a
relationship with the kids, they can become hungry for male attention. When they meet the new man in their mother's life, they can attach themselves to him and bond in a hurry. Then, if there's a breakup, it can be hard on the kids, and you want to avoid "revolving door dads."
"I think it's OK for them to meet that person, but I would kind of keep them at arm's length and not allow that bonding to take place unless you have a reasonable expectancy that it's going to stick," says Dr. Phil.