Ask Dr. Phil: Melissa and Larry



"For the past five years, my husband and I have been debating what oral sex really is," says Melissa, 51. "By Larry's definition, in the past 29 years he's never had oral sex, but during that time I have definitely performed oral sex."

Larry, 55, explains, "To me, oral intercourse constitutes using your mouth and tongue to stimulate your partner to the point where he or she has an orgasmic experience. She says that she's performed oral intercourse and doesn't like it, and I say we've never had oral intercourse together. This has been a bone of contention with us, and neither of us has backed down from it. I think we're both suffering terribly because she is mistaken. It has been 29 years since we've attempted oral intercourse."

"Once he gets something in his head, he is very stubborn," says Melissa. "I don't think he's right at all! Will you put an end to this debate, Dr. Phil?"

Larry asks, "Dr. Phil, can you please explain to my wife what oral sex is?"



"The last time you had any oral contact, interaction, I believe you said was September 7, 1976?" Dr. Phil asks Larry. 

"Yes. It's been a long, hard wait," he says.


"So what is your point of distinction here?"

"The point of distinction is that there's oral foreplay, which is just one of many forms of foreplay, that does not involve bringing your partner to orgasm. And that with oral intercourse, you will have orgasm in either partner as a result of the stimulation," says Larry. 

"You said that with a lot of credibility and authority. It's dead wrong, but you said it with a lot of credibility," says Dr. Phil. "First off, I'm sorry, I've never seen or heard anybody that puts that requirement on oral genital contact in order for it to become a sex act. Now I actually did some research to see if anybody had written a learned treatise on that element of the interaction, and I can't find anybody that would agree with you. I found several people that were willing to rally for you, but not agree that that was the definition. So if there is some technical issue here, and you want to know who's right and who's wrong, I just have to say that I can't support your definition."


Dr. Phil turns to Melissa, "And you say that you just really don't have a sex drive, you're just not interested at this point, correct?"

"Exactly. Ever since I entered menopause about 10 years ago, I have had no attraction, no fantasy, no drive," she says.


"So you just don't want to. But here's a very important question, do you want to want to?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yes, absolutely. Absolutely," says Melissa.


"I want to tell you that there are a lot of things that you can do in terms of profiling yourself hormonally, and finding some treatment options that can help rekindle some of those things biochemically in your body," says Dr. Phil. "And a lot of women are in that same situation. And what we have found is that there are some very powerful and natural, actually, hormonal things that can be done, pre-, during, and post-menopausal that kind of bring this back. But it takes a certain type of internist to get that balance without complicating any other aspects of your health. What I would love to do is to get you involved with a physician who can do the right kind of profiling, see where you are hormonally, and see if there are some things you can do that might change the way you feel internally, and kind of re-light that fire. Would you like to do that?" 

"Yes I would. Thank you," says Melissa.