Ask the Bishop: Lisa's husband and Daughters

An Important Message
Dr. Phil asks Lisa to watch a video of Bishop Jakes' meeting with her husband.

Jason shares his thoughts on his relationship. "I've created a monster," he says. "For instance, we could be at a restaurant, any place, and she will speak over me."

"You don't get a chance to be who you really are," the bishop says.

Jason agrees.

"Do you ever feel like walking away?" Bishop Jakes asks.

[AD]"Yes, I do," Jason admits.

"If you knew that the next 20 years were going to be like the first 20 years, what would be your reaction?" the bishop probes.

"I probably wouldn't be with her," Jason says.

"You've got a voice," Bishop Jakes tells Jason, and encourages him to find it and speak up.

Jason looks into the camera and addresses Lisa. "There are times when I feel like leaving when it gets to be too much, when you don't know how to relax and let me play my role, let me be the man, the husband, that I'm supposed to be," he says.Back in studio, Bishop Jakes asks Lisa, "How does that make you feel to hear him say that?"

Lisa faces her husband and says, "Don't go." She turns back to the bishop and continues. "I love my husband," she says. "I can't help myself. At the time when I'm on a roll, and I'm just going with it, I can't stop."

Dr. Phil says to Jason, "You need to let her know there's only so much of this you're willing to put up with."

[AD]"We talk about it, and it gets to the point sometimes where she can't help herself," Jason says.

Dr. Phil addresses Lisa. "Do you realize that any man, any woman, anybody who has any kind of self-esteem, self-worth is going to get to the point where they say, ‘You know what? I'd rather be happy alone, than sick with you'?" he asks.

"I know it," Lisa says. "That's why I'm here to see you."Lisa and Jason's teenage daughters express their opinions about their mother's behavior.

"When my mother's mad, oh, my gosh. That woman is crazy. Once she starts hollering at you, she goes on for hours, and hours and hours," says Lisa's daughter, Ashley.

"She'll slam doors. She'll go and isolate herself. She'll scream. She'll holler, call a couple of names. My mom is like a beast," adds Adrienne.

The girls say their mother yells at their dad three times a day. "I hate when they argue. She dominates. She always wins the arguments, so he'll go off and just go in the room until she cools off," Adrienne says.

[AD]"My mom should respect my father as a man," Ashley says.

"I would like to see Dr. Phil make them equal, make them love again on a strong level where they don't argue so much, and they understand, ‘We're in this together, and we love each other,'" Adrienne says.

In studio, Bishop Jakes offers Lisa advice on changing her behavior, beginning with giving her husband and daughters space. "Teach your daughters and your husband that love is not controlled," he says. "If you are controlling everything, you're controlling it because you are afraid."Dr. Phil asks Lisa what the term false sense of superiority means to her.

"It means that I think that I'm in control. I think that I'm running it," she says. "When have I ever been the boss besides in my home, with my family?"

"You strut around like you're the queen, and you are the most scared person in the house," Dr. Phil says to Lisa. "If you don't control everything, if you don't dictate everything, they might not let you stay. They may not pay attention to you. They might not give you your due, so you have to make it happen, and the problem is you do not demand respect; you command it. You command it by being a leader, you command it by being a contributor." Dr. Phil turns to Jason and asks him, "What would it mean to you if you knew she was really, truly proud of you?"

"It would mean a lot. It would be appreciated," Jason says.

"It's a gift you could give, but you withhold it," Dr. Phil says to Lisa. "Because if you build him up, if you let him know that he's a good man, if you let him know he's a good father, if you let him know he's a good husband, then that threatens your power and control, right? Because you have to be above everybody else."

[AD]"Does he need it from me?" Lisa asks Dr. Phil. "He gets it from everybody."

"You are his partner in life. You are his wife. You are the woman he has chosen to spend his life with, and he has stood by you, through all of this, for 19 years," Dr. Phil says.

"He also tunes me out very well," Lisa says.

"It's called survival," Dr. Phil says.