Behind Closed Doors: End

Moving Forward

Dr. Phil returns to the stage and asks Heidi, "What did you think about what he was

saying?"

"I'm very confused," she says. "To hear him say that he could prey on another child because it took something away from me, it makes me sick."

"He said that you brought a friend in perhaps to take the pressure off of yourself," Dr. Phil says.

"I was five," Heidi says.

 

Asked for her thoughts, Susan wipes away tears and says, "I can't even talk."

 

"I know from my other brothers and sisters that she's constantly calling [John] for things," Heidi says of her mother. "I just don't understand." Turning to her mother, she asks, "If you think that he's such a horrible person, then what are you doing calling him all the time?"

"I have not called him all the time," Susan replies.

Dr. Phil addresses Heidi. "You say that you have forgiven him, and I actually hope that's true. You actually say that you've forgiven your mother," he says.

"Yes," Heidi confirms.

"I don't believe that's true," Dr. Phil says. "I think you're working at it, but the bitterness in your voice, the anger, the angst " which you are entitled to ‘til the ends of the earth " tell me that that's a work in progress. I think people do the best they can with what they have, and I think your mother, despite her defensiveness, I think she's trying to find her way to some point of clarity here. When you forgive other people, it's really not about them. It's truly about you. If you have anger, and bitterness, hatred " any of those things " in your heart for your mother, or John, or anyone else, it changes who you are, and your children don't get all of their mom. Your husband doesn't get all of his wife." 


Dr. Phil offers advice for how the women can rebuild their relationship. "Maybe the relationship starts by just exchanging a few notes, maybe it starts with a five-minute phone call once a month, maybe it starts with some boundaries where you don't talk about the past, y

ou just talk about the here and now for this point, and maybe it never goes beyond that, or maybe it does, but you take it a step at a time, and you do what works for you," he says, offering them resources to help heal the situation.

 

"Can you help me understand?" Susan asks. "I don't understand the mind of a pedophile."

"I think it would be good for me to arrange a resource to walk you through those things and help you get some clarity," Dr. Phil says.

"I agree," Heidi says.

Dr. Phil suggests they seek help individually. "We'll see where that leads," he says.