Bishop Jakes and Caysha

Bishop Jakes greets Caysha, who smiles nervously. "What do you hope that your mom and your stepdad get out of coming here?" he asks.

 
"They can finally realize what they're doing and how it's affecting others," she replies.

"Do you love your mother?" Bishop Jakes asks.

"Some part of me says I don't, just because of what she puts me through," Caysha admits. "She constantly aggravates me. She just tries to make [me] mad for her own entertainment."

"How would you like her to treat you?"

"I respect rules," Caysha replies. "Sometimes she'll make rules and then completely let me do whatever I want."

"Rules give us boundaries. They give us safe places for everybody. No matter how grown you get, you still have some rules," Bishop Jakes explains. "Is there any hope that your mother, and Jeff and you could perhaps become a family?"

"I could never have respect for Jeff, and I can't trust him. He has read the messages from my biological dad and made rude remarks."

"Maybe part of your problem with Jeff is defending your dad against Jeff. Am I right, that that's at the bottom of a lot of this hostility?" the pastor probes.

"Basically, yeah. I don't want him to do that. That's not his job, and I don't want it to be," Caysha says.

"You want your daddy back in your life. I understand," Bishop Jakes says as tears stream down the teen's face. "I'm not sure whether you are angrier at Jeff, or is it that you're just missing your dad so badly?"

"I wouldn't realize that I was missing my dad if [Jeff] wouldn't have left so many times," she replies.

Bishop Jakes comforts the grieving girl. "I see a pattern. Your mother speaks to you in a certain way. Jeff speaks to you in a certain way. You've learned that language, and now you speak back in that way. When either of you get aggravated, you become very physical. You're becoming a part of the problem," he observes. "People are going to get on your nerves, Sweetheart, and you can't always punch them in the mouth."

 

Bishop Jakes warns Caysha that there will be dire consequences if she doesn't take charge of her life now. "It's going to go beyond proving a point to Jeff and showing your mother that you speak your mind. It's going to go to bringing another life in the world, ending up in jail or in trouble. Your situation is still changeable. You have to take control of the situation and say, ‘I'm not going to be like this. I'm not going to let this pass down another generation,'" he says.

 
"I guess I'm going to have to change," Caysha concedes.

Back in his studio, Dr. Phil confers with Bishop Jakes. "You felt her pain?" he asks.

Bishop Jakes faces Caysha's parents. "I found a 14-year-old scared little girl who, no doubt, has an alter ego and another personality that I have not seen manifest yet, but rightfully so, because you're telling her respect, but you're giving her none," he says. "If mom is fighting, and throwing things and cursing, and stepdad is using the C-word on a 14-year-old little girl, how would you expect her to respect you? She's confused because you say you're the disciplinarian, but you don't have discipline over yourselves."

"I'm not saying I'm perfect," Jeff begins.

 

The minister interrupts. "Not being perfect is missing the cheerleading session. It's a total difference from using the C-word. I think you minimize your problems and maximize hers," he says. "I started talking to her about being a cheerleader, about being a little girl, getting ready for the prom about getting ready to graduate " things that should be on her mind " not her boyfriend spending the night over her house three times a week, not fighting her way in and out of the house. It's great being a disciplinarian, but you have not convinced her that you love her, and children don't accept discipline if they don't know that you love them."