Child Obsessed: Emerald

Desperate to Be a Mom?
Emerald, 22, shows off her spare bedroom. "It is full of baby stuff. I've got Binkies, bottles, wash cloths, stuffed animals, diaper bag, cover for the car seat," she says on videotape. "I won't put anything else in here. I don't want it to be a guest room, I don't want it to be an office, because this is my baby room. Here's the catch " I'm not pregnant yet."
 
Emerald says she is afraid to socialize with friends and drink because she may be pregnant and not know it. "I don't even want to go back to school until after I have a baby, because what if I get pregnant?" she asks. She says her obsession had grown costly. "I think we spent around $1,000 last year on pregnancy tests, around $3,000 on fertility treatments." [AD]
 
Emerald admits that her great desire to conceive is taking a toll on her marriage to Jonathan. "We fight. We don't really get along anymore. He thinks this is the only thing that I want, which it kind of is, because let's face it: I'm mad. It's really just taken over my life."
 
"She will cry every single time we leave the doctor. That's a terrible time for me, and it kills me to see her like that," Jonathan says. "I just want her to be happy. It seems like that's the only thing that can really make her happy."
 

"I don't feel like this is wrong. I just want to be ready," Emerald tells Dr. Phil.

"Right, but you're not pregnant," he points out.

"If I get pregnant, and I've gotten drunk, or I've been on a rollercoaster, it costs a lot of money for me to try to get pregnant, and I don't want to mess that up," Emerald reasons.

"Does it seem over the top to you at all?"

"A little."

[AD]Dr. Phil turns to Jonathan. "Your concern is if she doesn't get pregnant, and her entire life is focused on this, pulled into this, then there's going to be a huge crash and disappointment, right?"

"Yeah," Jonathan replies. "If this is all she's focused on now, and after we do have a baby, we do get through that, what's after that?"

 

"Why is he concerned about this?" Dr. Phil asks Emerald.

 

"Every time we go to the doctor and it's not good news, the ride home is terrible," she explains. "I know that he can see that, that if I'm 28, 29 and we still don't have any kids, I'm going to be broken."

Dr. Phil explains that Emerald suffers from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which is one of the leading causes of infertility. 

 

Dr. Lisa Masterson, co-host of The Doctors, elaborates on PCOS.


"That's probably for the best," she says with a laugh.

"If you have your whole self-esteem tied up in this " the definition of who you are as a person is to be a mother, not to be a wife, not to be an individual, a woman, all the other things you can do in life " then you may be over-invested in this to the point that it could set you up for real failure," Dr. Phil warns her. "Can you wrap your mind around the fact that this may not happen for you?"

[AD]"Every time I do, I find some backup plan. I'll just adopt, or I'll get a surrogate," Emerald replies. "I'm not going to not be a mom."

"That's just one of your destinies, that's one of your goals?"

"That's what I'm supposed to do," Emerald answers, wiping away tears.

"What you've got to do is take a deep breath and a step back and say, ‘Look, I don't want to destroy my marriage over this. I don't want to become so obsessed with this that nobody can talk to me, nobody can distract me. I've got to live my life,'" Dr. Phil says.