Competition Freaks: Exclusive
After the show, one woman asks, "My daughter is in fourth grade and she will miss recess to be first in line. What can I do?"

"I think what you've got to do is look at how she does overall, and if that's something that is just an example of the way she does everything, you really do want to talk to her about learning to relax," Dr. Phil says. "Sometimes, kids don't understand about relaxing." He suggests she ask her daughter what would happen if she was tenth in line. "If you make them think forward, then they'll sometimes see that, but you've got to walk kids through that because they don't think ahead very
well." He also points out that parents are models for their children, so they need to be aware of what they are modeling.

A grandmother says that her grandson was competitive as a child, and now as a teen he won't participate in sports because he is afraid to lose in front of his peers.

Dr. Phil reiterates his point that it's important not to measure oneself by external factors. "You've got to give them a different yardstick. They've got to understand that it's just the experience of doing it. Just
being part of the team, having the camaraderie, having the friends. Do you fight to win? Of course you do, but you've got to understand you're the same person if you lose as you are if you win. And you've got to explain that to them," he says. Using other kids as an example often helps. "If they can say, 'I don't think badly of him because they got beat last night by 20 points in basketball. At least he was out there trying.' Then he'll say, 'They wouldn't think bad of me,'" Dr. Phil explains. "Examples of other people sometimes can really, really be helpful with kids."