"I want to just try one more time for a boy," says Shane, who brings the subject up at least once a week if not more. "I would give up my fingers to have a son," he says.
Shelly had a tough time with both her pregnancies and was bedridden for four months during her last one. "If he had to carry and deliver a baby he would feel completely differently," she says. She also feels very blessed to have two healthy children and doesn't want to take a chance with another one.
Shane wants his daughter Alexandria to play soccer, but she didn't want to. "She wanted to be in dance class," explains Shelly, "and I know he was disappointed about that."
She asks Dr. Phil for help: "My husband is bugging me for a boy. How do I convince him it's not going to happen?"
"That's exactly it," says Shelly. "That's a guy's point of view. You carry the child and you have the baby. That's it. There's no emotion to it, there's no gaining and losing weight, there's nothing else. They think that you get pregnant and you have this belly and it just goes away and then there's a baby," she says.
"But there was a lot more to it for you, right?" asks Dr. Phil. Shelly agrees.
Dr. Phil points out something that he saw during the videotaped piece about Shane's feelings for his daughters. "I often hear what is not being said. You know only seven percent of communication is verbal. I watched your face when you watched that tape, and your face lit up like I could not believe. Your eyes sparkled, your smile lit up, and it's not like, 'Well you know, these aren't as good because they're girls,'" says Dr. Phil.
Shelly's pregnancies led to anxiety attacks and postpartum depression, for which she had to take major anti-depressants. "That is not just being blue because you got a little extra weight on, that is a very serious physiological reality from which you have to climb out of a dark and deep hole just to get back up where you can think and see and feel and function. And she's been in that dark hole twice, and my assessment is she is not going back. When she says she's done, I think she's done."
Dr. Phil adds, "It isn't fair to ask her to do that at this point. Nor is it fair to ask him to get a vasectomy."
"So don't burn your bridges at this point because you're both young, healthy and vibrant and you don't know where you'll be in a year," he says.
He sums it up with, "You need to give this some time and decompress each other for a while."