Cougar Craze: Bobbi

Cougar Craze: Bobbi

"I'm 52 years old. When a younger man is sexually attracted to me, it does make me feel sexier," says Bobbi. "I think younger men are attracted to me because I'm fun, and I have a lot of energy."

Her son, Nathan, strongly disapproves of her dating habits. "My mom's last relationship, I was 17 at the time, and he was 23. I thought she was crazy," he says. "He competed with me constantly for my mom's attention. I noticed a change in my mom's personality when she didn't come home at night. She'd call the next day and say, ‘Oh, I was over at my boyfriend's house.' She still had two child-age kids in the house. She had made a choice between being a mother and having a boyfriend, and she chose having a boyfriend. That I won't tolerate."

 

Bobbi dated her lover for nine years, until he broke it off. "I believe once I hit 50, he finally saw me as too old," she says. Yet, she's not attracted to men her own age. "Men my age appear old to me. They're very set in their ways. Younger men are definitely more open to older women's sexual experiences. There's a reason a man my age may not be able to ‘perform' sexually," she says. 

"She doesn't want to accept the fact that she's 52. I think she's doing this because she's scared that she's going to be alone," Nathan says. "Her past relationship, I feel, cost me a relationship with my mom. I'm hoping that Dr. Phil will really see the core issues of why my mom seems to want to be younger."

"What were you looking for in this relationship? Were you looking for a life partner?" Dr. Phil asks Bobbi.

"In the beginning, I wasn't looking for a life partner. I was looking for a companion," she replies. "I hadn't dated anybody for seven years."

"But at the end, he said, ‘You're really starting to look old to me,'" Dr. Phil notes.

"Once I turned 50," Bobbi says. "There's something about that magic 50."

"But they were engaged," Nathan chimes in. "Something that's different from the previous conversations I've heard is the sex idea versus the relationship idea."

"You think she's not over it yet, right?" Dr. Phil asks Nathan.


"I don't," he replies.

Bobbi explains that she had a lot invested in her past relationship. "When you're with somebody for 11 years, and you own property, live together, get engaged " my two younger sons, he basically helped with them " it's hard," she tells Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil addresses Nathan. "You say she took up with this guy when you left to go to college, and you think she replaced you with him," he says.

"Yes," Nathan replies.

Dr. Phil points out changes in Bobbi's behavior that concerned Nathan. "He says you've gotten tattoos, piercings, talked about getting a motorcycle ""

"Had a motorcycle," Bobbi corrects.

"He says, ‘These are things I should be calling talking to her about.'"

"We had a total role reversal," Nathan says with a laugh.

 

Dr. Phil turns to Kat in the audience. "Is this what you're talking about, family members who judge the relationships and create problems?"

 

"Part of it, yes," she answers. "Where family is just going, 'It's never going to work. It's going to fail. It's doomed. Don't do it.'"

 

"What if they're right?" Dr. Phil asks.

 

"I don't believe they are," she replies. "I've had two marriages to men who were the right age, and they both ended badly. If two people are in love, and they have a relationship that can last five, 10, 15 years " even if there is a great age difference " if you are in love, and you are at peace with each other and you have enjoyment with each other, why not?

Dr. Phil addresses Bobbi. "Do you think [Nathan] has the right to say what he said? He said you chose this relationship over your children."

"At times," Nathan says, "that's the way I felt."

"I totally agree with him because I had been alone for so long, and I had been a single parent for 29 years. He has his feelings. He has every right to his feelings. If he felt that I neglected him or whatever, he has a right to that. Now will it stop me from dating someone? I don't know," Bobbi says. "I don't want to ever be in a position to choose."

"You said, ‘I won't stand for this.' Do you think you have the right to dictate who she relates to?" Dr. Phil asks Nathan.

"No, I don't have the right, and I never said anything at the time that they dated. Even thought I didn't like the person that she dated, I never said anything negative about him," he replies. "Going forward, I want to see my mom happy, and so if I feel I need to interject " granted, she may decide not to listen to me, and that's totally her option."

Dr. Phil says that Nathan must adopt a spirit of tolerance toward his mother. "If she doesn't listen to you, you have to be willing to accept that. You don't have to love everything she does to love her," he explains. "You can say, ‘I don't agree with that choice, but I support your life.'"

"But I will say there are some signs that should tell you if this is the right relationship. Her last relationship, the fact that he constantly competed with me and saw me as an equal already told me this wasn't the right person for my mom," Nathan says.

"If you're dating somebody 25 years younger than you, you're going to age on a different curve. That may end with someone like this last relationship saying, ‘You're really starting to look old to me,'" Dr. Phil says. "As Kat points out, you can be married to somebody your own age who says, ‘You no longer interest me.'"

"Right," Bobbi says. "People age differently. People take care of themselves; people don't."


Dr. Phil says that people give their power away when they let others dictate whom they should date. "Just do it with a clear open mind about where it's headed and what you're doing," he advises Bobbi.